Personal Challenges Read online

  The phone’s ping announced the arrival of an e-mail and he pounced on it.

  I wasn’t sure you wanted to talk, especially after I heard nothing for a fortnight after the e-mail. I’d resigned myself to not hearing from you again.

  Want me to call you? Or if now’s not a good time, here’s my number.

  Colin stared at the screen, his stomach clenching. You wanted this, remember? Except now he was here, on the point of phoning, he had no clue what he wanted to say. Everything had changed since that last call. Now I know he’s dying. What the hell do I say to him?

  More importantly, could he talk without that knowledge cracking his voice? Without a whole wealth of emotions taking over?

  Only one way to find out.

  Colin tapped in the number and waited. Ray answered after two rings. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” For a second he was stumped. What do I say next? How are you? Sorry you’re dying? Colin gave himself a mental slap. “I’ve not caught you at a bad time, have I?”

  Ray chuckled. “I was dozing when your e-mail arrived, but I take a lot of naps. It’s good to hear you again, especially as I… well, I said as much in my reply, right?” He paused. “I am glad you called, though.”

  Colin had to say something. “I was sorry to hear your news.”

  “Yeah, well. It is what it is. I was in two minds about contacting you, but like I said…” Another pause. “Christ, this is just as hard as last time. I thought it would be easier, now that I’d told you, but…”

  “Can I see you?” Colin blurted out.

  Silence.

  “Ray?”

  Ray cleared his throat. “Sorry, you sort of caught me off guard there. You really want to see me?”

  Colin had done a lot of thinking about this. “Yes. I can’t put everything in my head in an e-mail, and talking about this over the phone just seems wrong. So… I’d like to come up to Edinburgh and see you. If that’s okay with you.”

  “When… when were you thinking of coming?”

  That sounded hopeful. “Maybe in a couple of weeks? Just for the weekend. I could fly up there. That would be fastest.” He might need to finish early on the Friday, but he didn’t think the partners would begrudge him a few hours off.

  “On your own?”

  That stopped him for a second or two. “Yes.” He hadn’t once considered the possibility of taking Ed with him. Ed had enough on his plate without adding Colin’s woes as well. When Ray fell silent again, Colin’s heartbeat sped up. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized how much he wanted this. I need closure. I need to say goodbye to him.

  “Ray?”

  “Okay. You can visit. Just… don’t be too shocked when you see me, all right? I’m not exactly pretty right now.”

  Colin couldn’t resist the urge to lighten the conversation. “Since when were you ever pretty?”

  “Bitch.” Ray laughed. “Okay. Let me know your ETA when you have the details. I look forward to seeing you. From the look of that photo about your company, you appear to have gotten… bigger.” He chuckled. “I always did like muscular men.”

  That was one titbit Colin would not be sharing with Ed. “That’s what playing rugby does for you. I’ll e-mail you my travel details when I have them.” He paused. “Take care, Ray.”

  “Doing my best, but I think that ship has sailed.” Before Colin could respond, Ray forged ahead. “I’ll see you soon. Bye, Colin.” The call disconnected.

  The winking light on his desk phone put paid to any time Colin might have spent playing the conversation over and over in his mind. Right then it was time to work.

  Plenty of time to recall Ray’s words in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t slept well since the e-mail’s arrival.

  * * * * * *

  Ed’s gentle foot massage was melting him into a puddle of goo. Which was probably what Ed had intended. “You’re really good at that, you know?” Colin was pleasantly full of chicken Korma, lamb Tikka Masala, pilau rice and peshwari naan bread. The beers Ed had brought had his head buzzing nicely. A mellow, absolutely perfect end to his day.

  Ed dug his thumbs into the arch of Colin’s left foot. “I never did ’old much with that reflexology crap, but maybe there’s somethin’ in it after all.” He paused. “So, wanna tell me about it?”

  “You know, we’d make a fortune on the stage if we ever decided to do a mind-reading act,” Colin joked.

  Ed chuckled and rubbed his thumbs in slow circles over the ball of Colin’s foot. “We just know each other, that’s all. I knew when you came in tonight that there was something on your mind. I wasn’t gonna push ya.” His gaze met Colin’s. “I knew you’d tell me, sooner or later. An’ besides, I’m tryin’ to cut down on my bull-at-a-gate impressions.” He grinned.

  Colin smiled. “Okay, where is Ed? What have you done with him?”

  Ed stopped his massage and shifted along the couch until he was sitting at Colin’s side. He leaned in slowly and kissed him on the lips. “I just like keepin’ you on yer toes.” He sat back and regarded Colin steadily. “Well?”

  Colin recounted the conversation with Ray. “I figured I’d go up there the first weekend in April. That’s only a couple of weeks off.”

  “Do you want me to go with ya?”

  Colin blinked. “Ray asked me that too, if I was going alone.” He thought best about how to frame his answer. “Maybe not. It’ll just be for two nights, after all.”

  “An’ maybe you’d feel awkward ’avin’ me there. Ray bein’ your ex an’ all.”

  Is that it? Colin considered Ed’s suggestion. “You know I have no secrets from you,” he began, but Ed cut him off with a finger to his lips. When he withdrew it slowly, his eyes were kind.

  “Look, it’s understandable, all right? This is your first boyfriend we’re talkin’ about. You an’ Ray have got things to say to each other, an’ you don’t need me around for that. I only asked in case you felt like you wanted moral support.”

  “And I do appreciate that, really.” Colin reached for Ed’s hand and squeezed it. “Knowing you’re here, waiting for me to come home, that means a lot.”

  “’Ave you spoken to anyone at work about this? Will you need any time off?”

  “I haven’t looked at flights yet—I was going to do that tonight—but there shouldn’t be a problem.”

  Ed chuckled. “It’s a good thing you didn’t tell him you’d go this weekend, ’cause we’re gonna be a bit busy.”

  “We are?” Colin racked his brains. “I didn’t think we had anything planned.”

  Ed got up and held out a hand. “I’ll tell you all about—in bed.” He hoisted Colin to his feet.

  Colin followed him from the lounge, smiling to himself. If he knew his Ed, the talking wouldn’t last long.

  Chapter Nine

  March 26th

  “Okay, lunch is over, back to work.” Will cracked the whip that snapped through the air, sharp and loud. He laughed when all five men jumped, their heads swivelling in his direction, mouths falling open.

  “Where the ’ell did you get that?” Ed yelled, lurching from his garden chair and striding over to where Will stood by the French door, the whip now hanging down by his side. “On seconds thoughts, do I really ’ave to ask? I always knew you were a kinky bleeder.”

  Blake coughed loudly. “It’s a good thing Sophie’s in the bathroom right now, because—”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry, but it’s all Will’s fault,” Ed remonstrated. “I mean, look at that thing!”

  Will coiled up the whip and placed it on the patio table. “I find it comes in very handy for keeping husbands in order,” he said with a grin. Blake merely arched his eyebrows. “But if you all want to eat my wonderful lasagne for dinner, then it’s time to put in some work.”

  Angelo shook his head. “You’re a hard task master. Just look at what we’ve accomplished in one morning!”

  Will couldn’t deny the six of them had already made a huge den
t in the work. Ed and Colin had cleared away all of the rubble that had been left at the top of the garden, and the skip Blake had hired was nearly full. Angelo and Rick had cut back the masses of buddleia shrubs that had seeded themselves all over the place. Will and Blake had spent their time making pots of coffee and tea for their workforce, trying to curb Sophie’s enthusiasm for digging up the flower beds, and keeping an eye on Nathan who lay in his pushchair, bundled up against any sudden chill winds and protected from the sun by a huge parasol. The weather so far had been kind and it had been a mild, sunny day.

  “So what’s the plan for this afternoon?” Rick asked as he collected the mugs from the table.

  “And put that away,” Blake instructed with a nod toward the whip. “I don’t want Sophie getting her paws on that.”

  “Fair point.” Will grabbed the whip and took it into the house, stuffing it into a nearby drawer. When he returned, the men were standing by the table, surveying the garden.

  “I was just telling them what we’d discussed about what to do with the garden,” Blake told him. “Maybe a pergola at the top end where it gets the most sun. We could pave under it and use it as a dining area.”

  “No ponds,” Will added. “Not with the kids. It’s too dangerous.”

  Ed nodded. “Yeah, I don’t blame ya.” He shivered. “You ’ear too many ’orror stories about kids drow—”

  “Is it time for me to plant some flowers yet?” Sophie asked in her clear voice.

  Will smiled at her. She really did look adorable in her dungarees worn over a pale blue sweater, sun hat and flowered wellington boots. “We told her she could plant something,” he explained to the others.

  “Hey, princess, why don’t you find me a nice spot for this?” Ed held up the potted shrub he and Colin had brought, ‘to start them off,’ he’d said.

  Will caught Blake’s eye. “I’m sure she can plant that. It might change positions once we get the garden design worked out, but it would be better off in the ground than in its pot.”

  “Good idea.” Blake picked up a trowel. “Here you go, Sophie. Use this. Uncle Ed will help.”

  Will watched as Ed and Sophie walked slowly around the garden, looking for a good place to plant it. He loved how their friends adored their daughter and clearly liked spending time with her.

  “You know, you might want to think about hiring a landscape designer,” Angelo suggested. “How big is this garden? Eighty feet by about sixty? I know that’s not huge by any means, but it’s a big enough space that you can do a lot with it.”

  “Yeah. I read about this one garden designer who divided up a two hundred foot long garden into different ‘rooms’,” Rick added. “A path connected all of them, but each room had a different look, different types of plants.” He grinned. “Mind you, if Blake wanted to hire him, he’d pay a lot for it. Travis McConnell is famous. The famous ones always cost an arm and a leg.”

  Will chuckled. “I think we can handle our humble little back garden, thank you very much.”

  He walked over to Nathan’s pushchair and crouched beside it. Nathan was asleep, his little hands covered by mittens knitted by Lizzie. Only a couple more months and he’d be crawling around on a blanket in the sunshine. If he did crawl: Sophie hadn’t. Their precocious daughter had been walking at nine months’ old.

  Blake came over to him and gazed at Nathan. “He’s such a good baby.”

  Will had to agree. At six weeks old, he was sleeping through the night, awaking only when his nappy needed changing or if he was hungry.

  A loud shriek pierced the air and Will jerked his head up instantly. “What’s wrong?” he said, leaping to his feet and rushing over to where Sophie was clinging to Ed’s legs and shaking.

  Ed smiled. “Nothin’s wrong. Sophie saw a huge spider, that’s all.” He stroked her hair. “It’s okay, princess. He won’t ’urt ya. An’ spiders are our friends.”

  Will bit back his laugh at the look of horror on Sophie’s face. “Ew. I don’t want a spider for a friend. Spiders are icky. And they have too many legs.”

  He smiled. “Spiders like it if you leave them alone,” he advised her.

  “Will.”

  The urgent tone in Blake’s call had him turning immediately. One look at Blake’s expression was enough to have him hurrying over to where he knelt beside the pushchair. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  Blake inclined his head to where Nathan lay, his eyes closed, no change in his position.

  Will frowned. “What?”

  Blake lifted his chin and locked gazes with him. “Sophie’s scream didn’t wake him. Don’t you think that’s a little strange?” He kept his voice low.

  Will opened his mouth to say no, but he halted. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. “Now you mention it, yeah.” He joined Blake, kneeling at the other side of the pushchair and taking Nathan’s hand in his. He rubbed it gently and the baby opened his eyes, blinking. “Hi there, gorgeous,” Will said softly.

  “I want to try something,” Blake said quietly. He rose to his feet and glanced around the garden, clearly seeking something. He picked up two trowels from the ground and walked back to the chair, standing where Nathan couldn’t see him. “Watch him,” he instructed Will, that same urgency in his voice from a moment ago.

  Will focused on Nathan. He gave a start when Blake brought the trowels together in a loud clang.

  Nathan didn’t react. At all.

  “Well?” Blake demanded.

  “Do it again,” Will urged. Blake repeated the action and Will watched Nathan closely for any sign, even the minutest flicker.

  Will swallowed. “Nothing. No reaction.” Blake’s face was suddenly ashen. “Blake, move closer and do it one more time.”

  Blake came forward until he was standing right behind the parasol, holding the trowels as close to Nathan’s head as possible. He brought them together, the clang loud as it resounded around the now quiet garden. By now the others were walking toward them, and a hush had fallen over the group.

  “What’s goin’ on, guys?” Ed called out. Sophie was in his arms, her arm flung around his neck.

  Will ignored him and spoke to Blake in a low voice. “Some reaction, but I can’t tell if it was to the sound or the vibrations, because I could feel those.”

  “Blake?” Rick was at Blake’s side, staring at the trowels in his hands with obvious bemusement.

  Blake’s gaze met Will’s and the flash of pain was all too real, as were the unspoken words. Not now.

  “We’ll tell you later, okay?” Will didn’t want to talk about this in front of Sophie. Hell, he didn’t want to discuss it at all, as if just saying the dread words that lay on his heart would somehow make them real.

  The expression on Blake’s face said enough.

  Is our little boy deaf?

  * * * * * *

  Dinner had been a subdued affair, with no one talking much. Their friends weren’t stupid: Blake knew they’d picked up on the silent conversation between him and Will. When Will took Sophie upstairs to bed, after copious hugs, Blake went over to the drinks cabinet and lowered the hinged door. “Drink, anyone?” He felt numb.

  It can’t be true. We’ve got it all wrong. We’re overreacting.

  “’Ow about you tell us what’s wrong first?” Ed said.

  “When Will comes down,” Blake assured him. He poured himself a large Scotch and then faced them. “Anyone going to join me?” Four grim faces met his, and Blake pulled down five more glasses from the shelf. “He won’t be long. She’s been yawning her head off for the past half an hour.” He poured out more of the smoky looking liquid and handed the glasses around, placing one beside the couch where Will had sat with Sophie in his lap.

  “You’re worrying me,” Rick said, his face tight, his fingers laced with Angelo’s, whose expression was equally troubled.

  “Yeah? Well, join the club.” Blake said recklessly, before taking a long gulp of Scotch that hit the back of his throat. The fact t
hat Nathan had shown some reaction gave him hope that maybe they did have it all wrong.

  He sat on the couch, aware for the first time of the awkward silence that had fallen. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m just a little shaken. And it’s probably just Will and I being a right pair of drama queens.”

  “Speak for yourself, honey,” Will said from the doorway. He closed the door and made sure the baby monitor on the wall was switched on. Blake patted the seat cushion next to him and Will flopped down onto it, his head back, eyes closed.

  “Now will you tell us what the fuck is goin’ on?” Ed demanded. “Because it feels like someone died.”

  Will opened his eyes and gave Blake an inquiring glance. He nodded. “Tell them.” Blake took a drink from his glass while Will told them what they’d noticed.

  “Wait—you think he’s deaf?” Rick sat up on the couch next to Angelo. “There are any number of things that might cause hearing problems in kids—if that’s what he’s got.”

  “Like what?” Blake straightened, his heartbeat speeding up a little. There was a flutter in his belly and his breathing quickened. He latched onto Rick’s words. Maybe it’s not deafness.

  “Maybe his ears are blocked by wax or something?” Rick suggested.

  “There’s that condition, glue ear,” Angelo added. “My cousin had that when he was very little. They did a procedure and he’s fine.”

  “What procedure?” Will asked.

  “They put these tiny plastic tubes—grommets, I think they’re called—into his ears. They stop the fluid from building up.”

  “Hang on a minute.” Colin sat up and leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees. “One, I thought glue ear only occurred after something like a heavy cold, and Nathan hasn’t had one, has he?” He glanced at Blake, who shook his head. “And two, if it is glue ear, the first thing the doctors will do after testing is make you wait a while to see if it clears up on its own, which it may well do. And ‘waiting’ means anything from three months to a year, because it can clear up on its own.”