Endings and Beginnings Read online

  The sound of JJ’s breathing forced its way into his consciousness, and inside Darren’s head, alarm bells were clanging insistently.

  He stilled and withdrew his hand, laying it on JJ’s belly. “Are you okay?”

  JJ swallowed. “I’m… fine.”

  Darren peered at him. “Want to try that again? Because I’m listening to what your body is telling me, not your mouth.”

  He rubbed JJ’s stomach, keeping the movement slow and firm, his gaze focused on JJ’s face. JJ’s lips trembled, his eyes blinking.

  “Hey,” Darren said softly. “It’s okay.”

  BUT IT wasn’t okay. JJ didn’t want to feel like this. He’d wanted what he asked for, the two of them in bed. He just hadn’t counted on….

  “Did I do something you weren’t comfortable with?” Darren asked him, that slow rubbing soothing the knots in JJ’s belly.

  “No!” The word burst out of him. “Please, believe me. I really, really wanted this. It’s just that….” Shit. JJ didn’t know where to begin. “It’s been a while since I had sex, all right?” That wasn’t even close to the whole truth.

  Darren regarded him, his blue eyes calm. “Okay,” he said slowly.

  JJ took a moment to breathe, his heartbeat settling down into its normal rhythm. “It’s very difficult for me. I guess I have a few hang-ups about sex because of what happened after the first time.”

  “If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine,” Darren told him quietly. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” He cupped JJ’s cheek. “It’s okay to change your mind, all right?”

  His words were what finally put JJ at ease. He edged closer to Darren, wanting his warmth, his comforting presence. “I went to the doctor because it hurt when I peed. Found out that I had somehow picked up a disease.”

  Darren’s gaze turned dark. “What happened?”

  JJ’s face tingled. “The guy who took my virginity? He swore we didn’t need condoms because he too had never had sex before.” He huffed. “I should have known better, but I trusted him when it turns out I shouldn’t have.”

  “I’m sorry that happened to you,” Darren said, rubbing JJ’s chest.

  It felt… nice.

  “I learned my lesson. I get tested every six months, because even though it happened years ago, I have this fear something else will show up eventually.”

  “And what about the other guy?”

  JJ snorted. “What about him? When I told him I had gotten something from him, he laughed and cuffed me on the shoulder. Told me I should be grateful he’d even bothered with someone like me and that it had only been chlamydia, so it was no big deal.” That still burned him.

  Darren sighed. “Some guys can be real bastards, can’t they?” He leaned over JJ and kissed his forehead. “You didn’t deserve that.” Darren rested his head on his hand, his palm cradling his cheek, and stared at JJ. “How old were you?”

  “Seventeen.” Seventeen, dying to get laid and in lust with a guy from high school.

  “You said it’s been a while since you had sex. Have there been a few boyfriends since Mr. Dickhead?” His gaze never left JJ’s face.

  In spite of his nerves, JJ chuckled. It was an apt description. Then it struck him that he didn’t want to answer the question, because to do that would reveal too much.

  “JJ? Can I ask you something?”

  Please, don’t….

  “Have you had sex since that time?”

  Fuck. “No,” he whispered.

  Darren winced. “That bad?”

  JJ remembered it like it was yesterday. “He came over to my house one day while Mum was working. I was so nervous, I was afraid he’d see the sweat stains in my armpits. He took my hand and asked me to take him to my bedroom. When we got there, he stripped off his clothes. I’d seen him naked before in the lockers, but never hard. My knees went weak at the thought I was going to be with this… god.”

  “I take it that it didn’t go well?”

  JJ shook his head. “He got me naked and put me on the bed. He spit in his hand and just jammed it in. It hurt like hell, but the whole while he kept telling me he loved me and promised it would stop hurting if I just relaxed.”

  “What did you do?” Darren growled.

  “I stuck my face in the pillow and kept waiting for it to get better like he said. It never did. He got what he wanted, then pulled out.”

  Darren groaned. “And he gave you chlamydia? This guy who was supposedly a virgin?”

  “Yeah. Some virgin. I found out later that he’d had half the team on their knees, and most of the cheerleaders on their backs with their legs in the air.”

  “What an arse.”

  JJ laughed, but there wasn’t a trace of humor in it. “The sad thing? It didn’t hurt as much as his lies did. They devastated me, because they came at a time when I… I needed someone to be honest with me.” His chest tightened. Neil’s lies had been the first of many, as it turned out, and definitely not the worst. No, the realization of how many lies he’d lived with was only to emerge the following year when JJ reached eighteen and decided to research his American family. Starting with his birth certificate.

  Darren drew back and stared JJ in the face. “I will always be honest with you,” he said, and for the first time in many years, JJ actually believed it.

  “Thank you,” he whispered. He felt wrung out by the whole confession, no desire left in him, fresh rage bubbling up inside him. Neil was ruining what should have been a wonderful experience, and he wasn’t even there.

  DARREN COULD hear the weariness in JJ’s voice. Yes, he wanted the man to be under him, crying out his name, but that wasn’t what tonight was for. JJ had trusted him, told him something of himself, and it had been a painful memory that Darren found himself wishing he could erase.

  “I should go,” JJ said abruptly, moving out of Darren’s embrace.

  “Don’t.” Darren held on to him. “Please, stay?”

  JJ’s face was pale. “I’m sorry, I just don’t feel—”

  “Sleep with me tonight. Just sleep,” Darren stressed. “Share my bed.” He locked gazes with JJ. “Please? I don’t want you to go.”

  JJ regarded him in silence, his eyes wide. Finally he nodded. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

  “You sure?” Darren pressed him.

  The hesitant smile said more than words, and relief flooded through Darren. JJ nodded.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” He sat up on the bed and peered at the alarm clock beside it. His smile widened. “Although it is only seven o’clock.”

  Darren laughed. “Time for another film? Only this time I might break out the microwave popcorn.”

  JJ’s eyes lit up. “Now you’re talking.”

  He scrambled off the bed with such enthusiasm that Darren had to laugh again. JJ flushed.

  “Well, let’s go choose a film.” He peered intently at Darren. “Maybe I should ask what kind of films you like, seeing as it’s your turn to choose.”

  “Musicals,” Darren said, deadpan.

  When JJ paused halfway to the bedroom door to stare at him, Darren winked.

  “Gotcha.”

  They were both laughing as they went downstairs.

  An evening of films, popcorn, and cuddling on the couch. Darren could live with that.

  JJ OPENED his eyes and blinked. Then he remembered. Darren’s house. Darren’s bed. A warm body curled around him, an arm lying over his waist, holding him, breath stirring JJ’s hair.

  Damn, that felt good.

  But as the minutes passed by, his insecurities reasserted themselves.

  What can Darren be thinking about me? I couldn’t even let him take me to bed and fuck me. I had to mess it up. Does he think I’m a tease? Does he think I was kidding, that I didn’t really want him? Or did what I told him make him change his mind?

  Because JJ hadn’t changed his mind, not even for a second. He still wanted Darren. That hot dick pressed up against his arse was only a rem
inder of how much he wanted him. Whose decision was it to sleep in the nude last night? Oh yeah—his.

  Warm lips pressed against his shoulder in a gentle kiss.

  “Good morning.”

  That arm tightened around him.

  “God, you feel good in the morning.”

  Warm air on his neck.

  “You smell good too.”

  JJ thought Darren smelled pretty good too, judging by how his cock went from “vaguely interested” to “Hel-lo Nurse!” in seconds. Then it hit him. It was Monday morning, and Darren had a salon to run.

  “You probably have to work,” JJ said. “I’ll get out of your hair.” He tried to move, but Darren held him firm.

  “Stay where you are,” Darren said. “I’m enjoying this far too much to give it up right this second. And besides, one of the perks of being the boss is I get to delegate. I’ll call Christopher, my senior stylist. He can open up the salon this morning. I’ll go in late.”

  Another kiss to JJ’s shoulder, only this time more followed it, a soft trail down his back. JJ was just beginning to enjoy it when the kisses came to a halt. He squirmed, wanting more.

  Darren chuckled. “Later, impatient boy. First we need to talk.”

  Talking was the last thing JJ wanted to do right then. “About what?”

  “Last night.”

  JJ’s heart sank. “Oh. I didn’t think there was anything more to talk about.”

  Darren’s sigh stirred his hair.

  “I think there is.”

  Slowly but insistently, he turned JJ onto his back. JJ stared into eyes that contained more than a hint of sadness.

  “You were so open last night, and now you’ve begun to draw in on yourself again.”

  JJ tried to turn his face away, but Darren’s hand prevented him. He cupped JJ’s chin, forcing him to meet his gaze.

  “I’ve been thinking about what you told me. That guy? He was a total arse. He used you and then treated you like trash. No one who cares for you would ever do that. I would never do that.” Slowly he withdrew his hand.

  JJ’s gaze shot to Darren’s face, his mind connecting the dots… who cares for you…. Something rolled over deep inside him.

  Darren’s gaze was frank. “I told you, when it comes to relationships, I’m pretty old-fashioned. For me, it’s all about trust and honesty. Doing for each other. I would never use you, then push you out. If I’d been the one to share your first time? I’d have taken you to bed, loved you, then held you close to me. That’s what a man does. Not this little boy crap he pulled.”

  The corners of JJ’s eyes prickled.

  Darren reached over and wrapped an arm around him. “So you know, you can always tell me anything. I won’t judge you, but I will listen and help you if you think you need it. Okay?”

  Oh Lord, JJ wanted to bare his soul.

  He shifted until he was pressed up against Darren’s side, their bodies molding together. JJ took a moment to drink in Darren’s scent, his presence. “After what happened, I started mistrusting people. I came to the conclusion that they always lie to you, and I hated that.” He lifted his chin and stared into Darren’s eyes. “But you? You’re different. I don’t know why, but I think you’re the only one I believe in. It’s why I wanted to be with you last night.” He flushed. “Well, partly.”

  “I’m honored,” Darren said earnestly. “That means a lot to me.”

  JJ took the bull by the horns. “Can I ask a question?”

  “Of course.”

  He grimaced. “Does it always hurt?” He figured Darren would know what it referred to.

  Darren chuckled. “I have to say, I don’t really have a lot of experience from the other side, but there is almost always some initial discomfort. Having said that, when you and your partner are in tune, it quickly becomes something amazing.”

  “I like the sound of that. And I want to try it. With you.” His pulse raced at the thought.

  When Darren’s breathing hitched, JJ’s heart pounded.

  Darren locked gazes with him. “So I know we’re on the same page, you want to make love, right?”

  Heat raced through JJ at Darren’s words. “You make it sound nicer than he did. He said he wanted to fuck.”

  Darren chuckled. “Like I said, he was an arsehole.”

  That frank gaze was once more in evidence, making JJ hot.

  “Is making love what you want?”

  JJ was quiet for a moment, his heart beating so strongly he swore Darren could hear it.

  “Yes, it’s what I want.”

  Darren smiled. “Okay, let me sort out some supplies while you use the bathroom. There’s a new toothbrush in the cabinet above the washbasin if you want one. I’ll use the downstairs bathroom.” Then he reached over and grabbed JJ’s bottom, squeezing the cheek. “Come on, sexy boy. Move this cute arse.”

  JJ launched himself from the bed and hurried into the bathroom, shutting the door after him. We’re really going to do this. His heart pounded, not from panic but anticipation. It was something of a shock to realize he trusted Darren to make it good for him.

  One look at the shower cubicle was enough to galvanize him into action.

  Just how fast can I shower? He wanted to be clean everywhere.

  Ten minutes later, his skin tingling all over, his heartbeat still racing, he emerged from the bathroom and crossed the landing to enter Darren’s bedroom once more. Darren was lying in the center of the bed, his hand lazily stroking his uncut dick. JJ took a moment to drink in the sight of him. Darren was lean, his abs defined but not overly so, with nice lines shaping a vee to his crotch. A dusting of sandy blond hair covered his chest, thinning into a trail that pointed straight to his cock. JJ’s mouth became moist at the sight of Darren’s long, thick dick, already pointing at him, the skin drawn back to reveal the wide, flared head, shiny and taut. Fuck. JJ wanted that in his mouth, in his arse.

  Then he saw what else was on the bed. Beside Darren sat a couple of condoms, a bottle of lube—and a black silicone butt plug.

  Oh God.

  Darren knelt up on the bed, beckoning with his finger. “Come here.”

  The sound of that deep voice went straight to JJ’s cock. He climbed onto the bed and shuffled across on his knees until he was facing Darren, their dicks brushing against each other. Darren moved slowly, letting his full, heavy cock drag over JJ’s, pulling a low moan from JJ’s lips.

  “That feels good, doesn’t it?” Darren whispered.

  “Mm-hm.” It was all JJ could manage. He gasped when Darren pushed him onto his back and slid down his body to brush warm lips over the head of JJ’s dick. “Oh.” The sound shuddered out of him. Darren chuckled and took JJ into his mouth, into wet heat. JJ arched up off the bed, pushing deep, wanting more. “Oh God, n-never had this….”

  Darren groaned and sucked him deeper, until JJ’s cock was buried in a tight throat.

  The top of JJ’s head was about to come off. He grabbed on to Darren’s hair and held tight, pushing up with his hips, fucking that hot, wet mouth, Darren’s lips tight around his shaft. Darren moaned in encouragement, which sent JJ soaring higher, hips rocking, thrusting deeper, until he was shooting his load down Darren’s throat, his whole body quivering. Darren licked his dick clean, while JJ lay there, spent and breathless, his orgasm still sending jolts through him. He was so limp, he hardly noticed when Darren grabbed his legs and rolled his arse up off the bed—until he felt warm breath against his hole.

  “Look at you, all pink and clean, ready for my tongue.”

  Heat surged through JJ at Darren’s words, uttered in that low, sexy voice that always made his toes curl. He craned his neck to stare at Darren between his thighs, wanting to watch, but that first touch of Darren’s tongue licking over his pucker made him drop back to the bed with a moan.

  “Fuck,” he uttered softly. His tongue felt slippery and warm, and then it felt a whole lot different as nerves fired up, sending lightning bolts of sensation through his ba
lls and along his dick.

  Darren broke off from his task of eating JJ’s arse. “Spread your cheeks for me.”

  JJ didn’t hesitate. He pulled his cheeks apart, feeling his hole stretch, and then Oh My Fucking God, the tip of Darren’s tongue was right there, probing gently. JJ shivered. “That feels amazing,” he confessed. “More.” Hunger filled him, a white-hot desire that spread to every extremity. Darren chuckled, and it tickled his hole. JJ laughed. “Oh God, that feels weird.” Darren did it again, only this time the urge to laugh was swept away when Darren slowly slid a finger into him, letting it rest there. JJ tensed at first but relaxed when Darren licked over his hole once more, before sinking his finger deeper into JJ’s channel.

  “Ready for something bigger than my finger?” Darren asked him.

  Before JJ could reply, he felt the slippery end of the butt plug push against his pucker. Damn, it was thicker, harder, accompanied by that burn he recalled all too well. JJ let out a whimper, and Darren stroked his dick, the plug still within him.

  “This okay so far? Do you want me to stop?”

  “Fuck, no.”

  Darren laughed. “Well, that’s fairly emphatic.”

  JJ shuddered as Darren ran his warm tongue over JJ’s balls, sucking at them gently while he slowly, so slowly, pressed the plug deeper into him.

  “Why do I need that?” JJ asked, fighting the urge to groan. It made him ache, but it was an ache that carried the promise of pleasure to come.

  “It’s going to help open you up for me. I’m quite a bit thicker than the plug, so you’ll want to be good and relaxed.”

  Thicker than that? JJ shivered slightly, but in that moment, he couldn’t tell if it was nerves or excitement. His entire world had narrowed down to that plug in his arse and Darren’s hand on his shaft. When Darren began to slide the plug in and out of him, heat built inside him, until he wanted to cry out with need.

  When he’d gotten to the point where he felt he couldn’t take any more, JJ cried out, “Please, fuck me.”

  Darren removed the plug and crawled up his body between JJ’s spread legs to slide his hands under JJ’s shoulders. JJ grabbed the back of Darren’s head and pulled him in for a kiss, his legs wrapping around Darren’s waist. The kisses grew more heated, more intense, until both of them were writhing on the bed. JJ’s hands were on Darren’s back, the skin soft and warm beneath his fingertips as Darren rocked against him, letting him feel how hard and hot his bare dick was.