Burden Read online

  Evenings were spent watching TV, reading on the porch with a glass of wine, or going for yet another walk along the shoreline. That had become their favorite way to spend time—at least, with their clothes on. There was something about the breeze that came off the ocean, the sound of gulls overhead, the waves crashing.

  Nights were spent in Jesse’s bed. Long nights where they slept in each other’s arms, awaking with the dawn, and other nights where neither of them got any sleep, and that was just fine too. For a man who’d gotten laid rarely, Randy seemed to be making up for lost time. Either that, or Jesse’s sexual appetite was infectious.

  During the second week, however, something changed.

  Randy had a good idea what lay at the root of it. Neither of them wanted their precious time together to come to an end. Tempers were frayed, nerves were on edge, and more than once they snapped at each other, only to apologize instantly. Nights became times to hold each other, as if they were clinging to a fragile reality that was about to be ripped away. Neither of them mentioned the future. Randy couldn’t bear to bring up the subject, because if he couldn’t see a way to make this work, then why bring it up? It would only make matters worse.

  Mitch and Nikko said nothing, but Randy knew they were concerned—he could see it in the glances they gave each other, in the awkward silences that fell sometimes when he or Jesse had snapped, and in the murmured conversations that ended abruptly whenever he or Jesse entered the room.

  By the time it got to Friday, with only two days remaining until Randy was due to head back to New York, Mitch apparently had had about as much as he could take.

  Jesse left for work as usual, looking pale and drawn. Neither of them had slept well and, unusually for them, for all the wrong reasons. Randy sat on the porch, a book that he couldn’t work up enough enthusiasm to read open and facedown in his lap.

  Mitch opened the front door, stepped out onto the porch, and speared him with a look. “You and I are going for a walk. Now.”

  Randy blinked, but one glance at Mitch’s stony expression had him biting back a retort. He got to his feet and followed Mitch through the screen door, down the stairs, and onto the avenue, where they headed toward the beach. Mitch said nothing but walked with long, quick strides, Randy struggling to keep up with him.

  “Are we late for something?” he joked.

  Mitch came to a halt and sighed. “Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind. Most of it because of you and Jesse, but not all.” He resumed walking, but at a more sedate pace.

  “The part that’s not related to me… wanna talk about it?”

  Mitch stared at the sidewalk. “It’s Ichy. I want to invite him to the wedding, but I have no idea how to go about it. And I don’t want to say anything to Nikko, in case it doesn’t happen.”

  Randy considered the problem. “Right now he’s settling into his new life. I don’t know where he is, but I can try to find out. Why don’t you leave this with me? I can’t promise anything, but at least I can look into it.”

  Mitch nodded. “Okay. It is your area, so to speak.” They reached the path that led to the beach, and both of them kicked off their shoes. Once they were on the sand, Mitch turned left and headed along the shore, walking slowly. Randy said nothing, figuring he’d get to whatever troubled him eventually.

  After a few minutes, Mitch cleared his throat. “What was I doing when we first met?”

  Randy blinked again. “Teaching English.” What the hell?

  “Where was I teaching?”

  “Er… New York?” Randy had no clue where this was going.

  Mitch nodded. “And what am I doing now?”

  “Teaching.”

  Another nod. “Except now I’m in Maine.”

  “Yeah?” Randy was starting to think Mitch had flipped.

  Mitch came to a stop and faced him, folding his arms across his broad chest. “And what do you do?” The expression in Mitch’s eyes told Randy this was no joke.

  “I’m a New York cop.”

  Mitch stilled. “But… you could be a cop anywhere, right? Even in Maine?”

  “I suppose,” Randy said slowly. “Where are you going with this?”

  Mitch arched his eyebrows. “I have to spell it out? Fine. I’m suggesting you could be a cop in Maine.”

  “Is there much call for cops in Maine?” Randy quipped. “Coast guards, maybe. Inland, I’m not so sure.”

  Mitch’s jaw dropped, and he gaped. “Oh my God. I didn’t know that.”

  “Know what?”

  “That Maine is the crime-free state of the US. Wow. When this gets out, people will be moving here in droves.” There was a twinkle in his eye.

  Randy chuckled. “Okay, okay, now I get it. Yes, I’m sure Maine has its fair share of crime, just like everywhere. But it would be a different kind of job to the one I’m used to.”

  “And would that be a bad thing?” Mitch narrowed his gaze. “Because it strikes me you aren’t happy in your work.”

  Randy opened his mouth to deny it, but the words died in his throat.

  Mitch regarded him steadily, his head tilted to one side. “Why did you go into law enforcement?”

  “Because… I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to make New York a safer place for people.” It was all he’d ever wanted to do, both him and Donna.

  Another slow nod. “And are you doing that?”

  That stopped him in his tracks. Because there had been a time, right, when he’d felt like he really made a difference? Back when he first became a detective. Before he joined Vice.

  Before the lines blurred.

  Randy didn’t know what to say.

  Mitch reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a folded piece of white paper, which he handed to Randy. “This is for you. I printed it off this morning while you and Jesse were walking.”

  Randy opened it and smiled. “Wikipedia?” Then he took a closer look. List of law enforcement agencies in Maine. He jerked his head to stare at Mitch, who smiled.

  “What you have there are your state agencies, your county sheriffs’ offices, and a ton of police departments all across the state. There are even three campus police departments.” He narrowed his gaze. “Now, are you gonna stand there and tell me not one of them would have a vacancy for a cop who wants a transfer?”

  Randy’s heartbeat sped up. Could it be that simple?

  Mitch laid a hand on Randy’s shoulder. “I’ve been where you are, remember? Right now, you’re faced with a choice. Jesse, too, for that matter. You both have some talking to do, but I just wanted you to see that there are options. All you have to do is consider them.” He squeezed Randy’s shoulder. “Nikko and I, we think the world of you two. And we want you to be happy. Now Jesse, he’s happier here, there’s no doubt about that. Or at least he was, until this past week.” Mitch’s face fell. “I know what you’re going through. The thought of being apart cuts into you like a knife, doesn’t it?”

  Randy couldn’t argue with that.

  Mitch nodded. “Then you need to think seriously about making some changes. Life is too short to waste it in the wrong job, the wrong city… or with the wrong gender.” His eyes sparkled. “Although I think you’ve pretty much made your mind up on that score, right?”

  Randy bit his lip. “Gee, what gave it away?”

  Mitch arched his eyebrows. “The noises I’ve been hearing above my bedroom ceiling every night for the past two weeks,” he said gruffly. “And that’s another thing. Much as we love Jesse, and love having him stay with us? We need you two to get a place of your own, if you catch my drift. Because I’m not sure I could put up with my sleep being disturbed whenever you come to visit.”

  Randy winced. “That bad?”

  Mitch rolled his eyes. “Christ, I swear I was never that horny, even when I was a teenager. You two are just at it like bunnies.” He coughed. “Sorry. Nikko made me promise not to say too much. I guess I let my mouth run away with me.” He grinned. “Hey. What say we
go grab a bite to eat at the Old Orchard Beach pier? There’s this really cute server I think you’d like.” Mitch winked.

  Randy waved a hand. “Nah. I know the one you mean. I hear he’s spoken for. And I also hear his boyfriend’s a cop.”

  Mitch laughed.

  “Still….” Randy rubbed his chin. “At least I’d get to see him in black. Because his ass in those tight jeans?”

  Mitch glared at him. “On second thought, I don’t wanna give you ideas. You already have way too many of your own.” He patted Randy on the back. “Seriously, I’m thinking a beer and a lobster roll. How does that sound?”

  Randy nodded. “Sounds delicious.” And while he was waiting for the food to arrive, he’d be on Google Maps, checking out which police departments were on or near the coast. Because that was a given. He folded the sheet of paper and put it into his pocket. “I’ll talk to Jesse tonight.”

  Because where Randy could transfer to another police department, Jesse’s future was not so simple.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  RANDY PUT away the last of the dishes and hung up the towel. “How about we go for a walk?” he suggested. “It’s a beautiful evening.”

  Jesse shrugged. “I guess.” Not that he was really in the mood for a walk. There were only two more nights left before Randy would have to leave, and as the time for his imminent departure drew closer, Jesse grew more despondent.

  It didn’t matter what angle he looked at their situation from, the view didn’t improve. Long-distance relationships sucked and stood little chance of success.

  Randy grabbed Jesse’s jacket from the closet, along with his own, before addressing Mitch and Nikko. “We’re gonna go for a walk. We won’t be back late.”

  Mitch nodded, saying nothing.

  Randy held the door open for Jesse, then followed him down the staircase onto the street below.

  Jesse pulled on his jacket and waited for Randy to do the same. “Do you have a particular destination in mind, or is this just an aimless stroll?”

  “I thought we’d walk down to the beach.”

  Jesse let out a happy sigh. “Like I’m gonna argue with that.”

  They walked at a leisurely pace, side by side, in silence. Above, the gulls circled, their harsh cries piercing the quietness of the evening. The sun had almost set, and the sky was aglow with orange and red.

  “So what did you do with your day?” Jesse said lightly. “Apart from turning up at my restaurant to bug the crap out of me.”

  Randy snorted. “I didn’t hear you complaining when we left you a tip.”

  “Duh.” Jesse sighed again. “Seriously? It was good to see you.” He liked his job, but right then, with Randy staying, it was robbing him of precious time they could be sharing.

  “You really like working there, don’t you?”

  “Yeah.” They reached the path that led to the sand, and Jesse immediately kicked off his flip-flops. Any excuse to get the sand between his toes.

  “But it’s not where you wanna be for the rest of your life, right?”

  Jesse came to a halt. “That depends. If we’re talking geography, then yeah, I’d live here in a heartbeat.” He stared out at the ocean, at the way the sun’s dying rays sparkled on its surface. “This place really gets to me. I don’t necessarily mean Old Orchard Beach, but the ocean. Take last weekend as a for-instance. There are some beautiful places farther up the coast.” He smiled. “Look at me. New York City boy through and through, and yet….” Jesse peered at Randy. “You know what? I don’t miss it. When Nikko used to talk about living here and how much he loved it, I thought he was nuts. I mean, who’d live in Maine, for Christ’s sake?”

  Randy laughed. “Yeah, I know the feeling. It kinda gets under your skin, doesn’t it?”

  Jesse stared at him. “You too?”

  Randy gave a slow nod. “Which is why….” He paused, taking a deep breath, and Jesse wondered what the hell was coming. Then Randy locked gazes with him, and Jesse’s scalp prickled. “I’m seriously considering transferring to Maine.”

  Jesse froze. “Wait. You wanna do what?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Well, yeah. I’m just not sure why you said it.” Jesse’s mind was reeling from Randy’s U-turn. Where did this come from? He prayed it wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction to what Jesse had just said.

  “Let’s sit down for a minute.” Randy lowered himself to the sand and sat cross-legged. Jesse joined him, the sand still warm from the day’s heat. Randy pulled something from the pocket of his jeans and handed it to Jesse. It was a piece of folded paper.

  Jesse opened it and stared at its contents. “Oh my God. You’re serious.” The list of police departments was huge. I had no idea Maine was this big. He glanced at Randy. “Now tell me why.” He handed the paper back.

  Randy folded it carefully and put it into his jeans pocket. “Mitch got me thinking today.”

  Jesse chuckled. “Now why does that not surprise me?”

  “He asked me two questions that made me reconsider why I was working in New York. And I had to be honest. My goals haven’t changed, but everything else has. I didn’t get into policing to improve some government statistics. I got into this job to make a difference in people’s lives. To make them safer. And whereas I have no problem tracking down guys who were into human trafficking and sexual slavery, I do have a problem with depriving sex workers of their livelihoods. That was down entirely to my stint in the Black Lounge. I’ve come to see matters in a different light.”

  “That’s why when I said it would never work because you were a Vice cop, you said, ‘So?’ You really didn’t have a problem with me escorting?” Jesse gave him a hard stare. “Come on. Level with me, if we’re being honest here.”

  Randy sighed heavily. “Yeah, I’ve thought about that part since then. I maybe could have gotten my head around you selling yourself to make a buck, because you were working toward a goal and you weren’t gonna do it forever, but… I’d have lost my job for sure once someone found out.”

  Jesse nodded. “And I couldn’t let you do that. You’re a good cop.”

  “Then I can be a good cop here, in Maine. The change of pace would do me good.”

  “Wait a minute. Going from working in Vice in New York, to a cop in Maine? The change of pace might end up killing you.”

  “Huh?”

  Jesse chuckled. “You’d die of boredom.”

  Randy shook his head. “Sorry to disappoint you, but Maine isn’t all that quiet. Crime is on the up, has been for the last six years, even if it does have the second-lowest violent crime rate in the US.” He shrugged. “I did some research this afternoon. And transferring isn’t all that cut-and-dried. I’d have to become a Maine state trooper first, and that means eighteen weeks of training. I don’t know if my years of service would count for much.” Randy sighed. “So many questions that need answering. But I have to be honest. The prospect… excites me. I relish the challenge.” Randy reached out and cupped Jesse’s cheek. “Maybe we both need that. I’ll get back to good old-fashioned policing—and you can get back to your studies. Here.”

  Jesse blinked. “Excuse me?”

  “You said you weren’t sure if you would go back to New York. You love it here. And the University of Southern Maine is right on the doorstep. They have an excellent MBA program too. Plus there’s always the option of studying online. That might work out cheaper.”

  Jesse had to laugh. “Wow. You have had a busy day, haven’t ya? Mitch’s laptop got some use, it seems.” What warmed him was that Randy had gone to the trouble of looking all this up.

  Randy took Jesse’s hands in his. “That MBA will open so many doors for you.”

  “Oh, I agree. It’s just paying for it that’s the issue.” He’d been saving every cent he earned, but it was a slow business.

  “Then you work for it. Take on another job.”

  “Really?”

  Randy laughed. “Sure, why not? You can take on as many
jobs as you want—or….” He leaned in and kissed Jesse on the mouth. “You consider the alternative.”

  “You kissed me to distract me, didn’t you?” Jesse said softly.

  “Did it work?” Randy’s eyes gleamed.

  “Kiss me again, and I’ll tell you.” Jesse closed his eyes as Randy’s lips met his in a gentle, tender kiss, Randy’s arms going around his waist. It was a serene moment, sitting in the middle of the beach, not a soul in sight, lost in a kiss.

  Randy broke the kiss but didn’t let go of him. “Let me help. I’ll transfer here, we can find a place to live, and I’ll pay the bills and your tuition until you finish your studies. When you’re a hotshot consultant or whatever you end up doing, you can pay me back.” He smiled. “You’ll probably be earning more than me anyhow.”

  Jesse frowned. “I said I—”

  “I know what you said, sweetheart, but this is different.”

  “How? How is it different?”

  “We’d be here, not in New York. We’d be together. And if you really wanna work, then I’ll help you find a company that might be interested in letting you work for them while you finish your MBA. You’d get a foot in the door that way.” Randy smiled. “And it would pay better than working in a restaurant.”

  “You really have thought about this.”

  Randy nodded. “I don’t wanna lose you. I said I’d find a way to make this work, and I’ll do anything it takes to keep you in my life.” His fingers were gentle on Jesse’s cheek.

  “I never thought I’d be hearing this.” Jesse’s throat tightened. It really was like a dream come true. “All those times I thought about you in the Black Lounge, hoping you’d smile at me, cursing the fact that you were straight and you’d never want me the way I wanted you….”

  “Well, now you’ve got me.”

  Jesse’s heart sank. “Yeah, but for how long? You have to leave on Sunday.”

  Randy kissed him again, his lips lingering on Jesse’s, while he cupped Jesse’s nape. “Now listen. I have to go back to New York so I can set things in motion to move here. I don’t know how long it will take to organize a transfer—and right now I have no idea where I’d be transferring to, or if I can. If I can’t, then it’s eighteen weeks’ training in Vassalboro. But I promise you, I’ll be here every weekend. I’ll be here Labor Day. And I’m gonna be praying it won’t be long before we’re together. For good.” He kissed the tip of Jesse’s nose. “And in the meantime, you have a big, important task to complete. You have to find us somewhere to live.”