Burden Read online

  What struck Jesse almost immediately was the lack of physical greeting. What—I don’t even rate a handshake? That stung a little, but at least it quashed his nerves.

  “I’m good. Glad it’s over, like everyone else.” Jesse kept his voice even, his tone cool.

  Randy appeared faintly puzzled by Jesse’s indifferent manner. “I see. So… how is life treating you both?”

  Like Jesse wanted to answer that question. Thankfully, Nikko got in there first.

  “I’m studying for my master’s. When I’m finished, the plan is to teach music.” Nikko snuck a glance over to where Mitch stood with his family, and his cheeks flushed. “Mitch keeps telling me I must be crazy.”

  “He still teaching up in Maine?”

  Nikko nodded. “He loves it there. And we finally got a little place of our own, in Old Orchard Beach. It’s about one block from the ocean.”

  Jesse liked the genuine warmth in Randy’s blue eyes as he spoke. “That sounds great.”

  Nikko took Randy’s hand and gave it a brief squeeze. “Thank you, by the way, for what you did. I didn’t get the chance that day—by the time I looked around, you’d already left. But it really meant so much to me, to get a bit of time with Ichy.”

  Randy waved his hand. “Hey, it was no biggie. I figured you two needed to reconnect. It couldn’t have been easy for ya, being apart like this.” His gaze alighted on Jesse. “And how are you doing? Still studying?” He seemed to have recovered from his brief moment of bewilderment.

  Fuck. There was no way out of this. Jesse couldn’t tell him the truth, because how in the hell would that sound? Hey, let’s see. My parents have cut me off, both financially and in every other goddamn way, my studies are indefinitely on hold until I have enough money to continue with them, and I’m a full-time escort.

  Yeah, that would go down really well.

  “Actually? My studies are on hold for a while. I wanted to take some time off to work, so I have part-time jobs as a server in a couple of places, although I am job hunting for something more permanent.”

  Randy nodded, as though all of that wasn’t a total pile of bullshit. Then he reached into his jacket pocket and took out his wallet. He removed a card and handed it to Jesse. “Okay. If you ever need anything, here’s my number. Don’t hesitate to call me, all right?”

  Jesse stared at the stiff card. “You still working out of Midtown South?”

  “I’m working all over these days.” Randy gestured for the card. “Lemme write my cell on that so you don’t have to go through the precinct to get to me.” He took the card, removed a small pen from his breast pocket, and scribbled a number. “There. Now you can reach me anytime.” Randy handed it back to him.

  “Detective Michaels?” It was Valerie. “We’re all going for a celebration lunch. We’d love to have you join us. I already invited Jesse, but he hasn’t given me an answer yet.” Her eyes sparkled. “Though I don’t think he’d want to disappoint an old lady.”

  Behind her, Mitch snorted. “Playing the old lady card again. Yeah, right. Pay her no mind, Jesse. The woman has a mind like a steel trap. Refuse at your peril.”

  Valerie merely raised her thinning eyebrows before smiling broadly at both Jesse and Randy. “Please, say you’ll come.”

  Randy chuckled. “How could I refuse? Sure, I’d love to.” He dug Jesse in the ribs with his elbow. “And if I’m going, so are you.”

  Jesse blinked, then shrugged. “Apparently, I’m coming too.”

  Valerie beamed. “Excellent. Malcolm will organize taxis for us all. We’re going to the Palm Tribeca over on West Street. My eldest son, Gareth, has chosen it, so if you’re not a fan of steak, blame him.” And with that, she walked over to where her husband was standing with Gareth.

  Randy shook his head. “Wow. I wouldn’t want to cross her.”

  Nikko watched her with a gentle smile. “She’s amazing.” Then he grinned at Jesse. “Looks like I get a bit more time with you after all. We’ve got some catching up to do, because someone around here is terrible at answering texts and emails.” His eyes twinkled.

  Jesse couldn’t come back with a witty reply, because Nikko had totally nailed it. The thought of him asking questions sent cold inching its way toward Jesse’s heart. Then there was Randy, who seemed keen for Jesse to go too.

  Lunch was suddenly a daunting prospect.

  “SO, YOU still working undercover?” Mitch asked Randy as the servers brought their appetizers. All around them was the chatter and bustle of a busy restaurant, full to capacity.

  Looking at all the dishes being delivered to the table made Jesse’s mouth water. He hadn’t been tempted by the filet mignon, even though Gareth assured him it was delicious, and had gone for the salad instead, skipping the main course altogether. Jesse had a slim figure to maintain, but he was also acutely aware that some foods had unexpected benefits or drawbacks. Fruit was always a good idea. Spicy food? Hell. No.

  “As a matter of fact, I’m not.” Randy gestured to his face. “This is way too high profile now, after the media frenzy that followed the trial. So much so, it’s haircut time.”

  Jesse gaped at him, appalled, and exclaimed, “But I love your hair.”

  Randy gave him a dazed glance, and Jesse kicked himself for the way he’d blurted it out like that. Thankfully, Valerie asked him some questions about Ichy, and Jesse was reprieved. When his salad arrived, Jesse attacked it with gusto, trying not to attract Randy’s attention again.

  Beside him, Gareth stared at his appetizer—a glass bowl with three large shrimp hanging from its rim and a couple of dips beside it. “It always looks like a claw coming out of the bowl,” he confided to Jesse in a low voice. “Reminds me of that movie, you know, when they’re having dinner, and everything comes alive because these ghosts are trying to scare them away?”

  Jesse chuckled. “Beetlejuice. Yeah, I know what you mean. Better eat it fast before it eats you.”

  Gareth laughed. “Thanks for that.”

  Jesse kept his gaze focused on his food, listening to Mitch tell funny stories about the kids in his class, Gareth sharing some of the architectural projects he was working on, and Malcolm trying to make sure everyone had plenty to eat. It was a pleasant lunch, but all the way through it, he was conscious of Randy sitting next to him, of the way he filled his pale blue cotton shirt. Not that he was overly muscular. Jesse liked his arms, the way his biceps curved gently, his large, capable-looking hands….

  I even like the way he talks. Back in the Black Lounge, Jesse had only once seen Randy lose it, and that had been when he’d tried to maintain control during the police raid. The rest of the time, he’d spoken calmly and quietly, with the kind of voice that made you want to listen to him.

  Then Jesse shook himself. This is not good. Just quit thinking about him, why don’tcha? Jesse lived in the real world, and much as he might fantasize about getting Randy between the sheets, he knew it was never gonna happen.

  And that was a damn shame, because Lord, the man was gorgeous.

  “YOU DIDN’T eat much,” Randy observed as the servers collected the coffee cups and Malcolm asked for the bill.

  Jesse gave a shrug. “Guess I wasn’t all that hungry.” And it’s all your fault for making me so goddamn nervous.

  Randy glanced across the table at Malcolm. “What do you think the odds are on them letting me pay for my lunch?” he asked in a low voice.

  Jesse snickered. “Pretty nonexistent. Besides, they made it clear why they invited us.”

  Randy gazed at Nikko. “They really do love him, don’t they? Nikko had no idea when Mitch first walked into that room how his life was gonna change.” He leaned closer. “D’ya think those two will get married some day?”

  Jesse considered it. “Possibly. Mitch is pretty old-fashioned. And Nikko is already one of the family.”

  “Speaking of which, I didn’t see anyone from your family in court today. I was gonna ask about that.”

  Jesse’s heart
sank, but before he could respond, Randy’s phone buzzed.

  He took it out and peered at the screen. “Dammit.” He replaced it in his pocket and cleared his throat. “Sorry, everyone, but this is where I have to leave. It seems I’m wanted elsewhere.”

  Valerie nodded. “Thank you for coming, Detective Michaels.”

  Mitch snickered. “You know, the number of times I heard your name in court, and this is the first time it’s occurred to me that it’s the same as a friend of mine, who is also a New York cop.”

  Randy grinned. “That wouldn’t be Donna, would it?” When Mitch’s eyes widened, Randy laughed. “She’s my cousin. And while we’re on the subject, who do you think she called the night of the raid, to find out if Nikko was about to be released from custody?”

  “That was you?” Mitch rose to his feet, walked around the table, and gave Randy a fierce hug. “Thank you.”

  A flush crept over Randy’s cheeks. “You’re welcome. And now I really gotta run.” To Jesse’s surprise, Randy pulled him to his feet and gave him a quick hug. “Take care of yourself, and be good.”

  Jesse gazed at him in mock indignation. “Me?”

  Randy snorted. “You forget. I know you, remember?” He pressed folded bills into Jesse’s hand. “Make sure Mr. Jenkins gets this, will ya? If I’m not here, he can’t say no.” And with that, he gave one more round of goodbyes before heading for the main door.

  Jesse watched him go, stunned. Talk about blowing hot and cold. He could not make Randy out.

  Nikko shifted into the seat Randy had vacated and leaned toward him with a conspiratorial air. “You still like him, I see.”

  Jesse gave him a bemused glance. “Course I like him.”

  Nikko fixed him with a hard stare. “Not what I mean and you know it.”

  Yeah, I do. Randy had been the topic of many conversations in the Black Lounge. Jesse sighed. “I’m not gonna torture myself, okay?”

  Nikko regarded him closely. “What’s really going on with your parents? Are they still mad at you because you got involved in the trial? Or is it more than that?”

  It was time to tell the truth. “As soon as they learned about the Black Lounge, they cut me off. No more money for studying. No more money, period. And as far as they were concerned, I could forget about coming home too. They severed all ties. I was given one day where I could turn up to collect whatever stuff I could take away with me, and that was that.”

  Nikko’s jaw dropped. “They… threw you out? Just like that?”

  Jesse nodded. “Since then, I’ve been couch-surfing, moving from one friend’s apartment to another.” It sounded a lot more pleasant than it was in reality. Months of feeling like he was putting out his ex-college friends who lived in NYC, trying to keep a low profile, and above all, hiding what he was doing. They might have been his friends, but it was a sure bet they wouldn’t want a hooker sleeping on their couch.

  “But….” Nikko frowned. “How are you surviving?” Then his eyes widened. “You’re—”

  “We’re not gonna discuss this,” Jesse said softly. “Not here. Okay?” Much as he loved Nikko, he was not going to let him know how things really were. Nikko was happy, and Jesse wasn’t about to burst his bubble.

  Nikko swallowed. “Okay.” He was obviously upset. “Listen, if you ever need a break, come see us, all right?”

  Warmth spread through him. “You’re a sweet guy, do you know that?”

  Nikko set his jaw. “I mean it, Jess. If you have to get away from it all for a while, come and stay with us.”

  Mitch appeared between them, grinning. “No, don’t do that, Jess. You’ll never want to leave.”

  Jesse forced a laugh. “No fear of that. I’m a New York City boy. The change of pace would probably kill me.”

  Both Nikko and Mitch laughed at that.

  Little by little, Jesse’s heartbeat returned to normal. He gazed at Nikko and Mitch, both of them happy, settled…. Look at me. Twenty-three years old, no fixed abode, living from day to day, and engaged in a risky business, to say the least.

  This wasn’t good.

  JESSE SAID goodbye to Mitch’s family as they waited for a taxi to take the five of them to Grand Central Station. He figured the best way of making sure Randy’s contribution made it to the right place was to give it to Mitch, after he’d explained who it was from. Mitch had winked and patted his back before giving Jesse a hug. He got an especially big hug from Nikko. Jesse knew what that was all about. Nikko was worried.

  “I’m fine, okay?” Jesse assured him.

  “But if you weren’t, you’d tell me, right?” Nikko’s anxious expression had Jesse kicking himself. This is all my fault.

  “I would. I promise.” Hell, Nikko was the closest thing Jesse had to a BFF. Then he gave Nikko a peck on the cheek. “Now go enjoy staying in Gareth’s guest cottage.”

  “There’s a pool,” Nikko whispered, his eyes bright.

  Jesse grinned. “You two could go skinny-dipping when no one’s around.”

  Nikko gave an exaggerated shiver. “If I want to freeze my nuts off, I can go in the ocean every day at home. It’s right on my doorstep.” One last hug, and then the taxi arrived. Nikko gave him a fond glance before Mitch bundled him into the taxi.

  Jesse stood and waved as the car pulled away from the curb, then headed for the Chambers Street subway station. He reached into his pocket for his phone. It had been on silent all morning, and he hoped to God he hadn’t missed too many tricks, but there was no way he could have answered a call from a john. When he saw there’d been none, Jesse was both relieved and dismayed. The day’s nearly over and I have nothing to show for it. Why did I ever think I could make it in this game?

  Then he saw there was one missed call from Dale, the guy whose couch Jesse was currently occupying every night. This arrangement had gone on for the last month, and it had been working so well, Jesse had had visions of it becoming permanent. Then Dale found himself a new boyfriend, Tate, and the atmosphere in the apartment had changed. Nothing Jesse could put his finger on. He hadn’t had all that many dealings with Tate, and even fewer conversations, but yeah, something felt off.

  Jesse called Dale. “Hey. Sorry I missed ya.”

  “Oh, right, it was the last day in court, I forgot.” Dale sounded more ditzy than usual.

  “What’s up?” When Dale sighed, Jesse came to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk. “Okay, what’s wrong?” Because something sure was.

  “I’m sorry to have to do this to ya, but….”

  Jesse stifled a groan. He hated how these conversations always began the same fucking way. He’d heard plenty of them in the last ten months. Jesse said nothing, waiting for the hammer to fall.

  “Look, it’s not you, okay?”

  Jesse snickered. “Sounds like we’re breaking up. And if it’s not me, then who is it?”

  “Tate.” A pause. “He’s kinda given me an ultimatum.”

  Ah. Now the lack of conversation made sense. “Lemme guess. He doesn’t want another guy in the apartment.” He could see where Tate was coming from—no one wanted another body cramping their style, right?—but he’d only been Dale’s BF for a matter of days.

  “Got it in one. He said you don’t have to move out right away.”

  Gee, how fucking magnanimous. “How long have I got?”

  “A week, maybe?”

  Great. Just fucking great.

  Jesse sighed. “I’ll get right on it.” Not that he had any clue where to start looking. He’d just about exhausted his list of friends. Without waiting for Dale’s reply, he disconnected the call.

  Now what?

  His imminent eviction took all the shine off the day. Richards in jail, Nikko blissfully happy, and Randy looking awfully fine….

  Jesse pushed aside that last image. Right now he had to find a place to sleep, and pretty damn sharpish.

  Chapter Three

  RANDY EXITED the 191st Street subway and turned down Wadsworth Avenue, headin
g home, thankful to be leaving behind a long day of getting shit from his coworkers.

  Jeez, all I did was get a freakin’ haircut. To hear them all, you’d think I’d had a head transplant. He had to admit, it was a different look for him. After years of keeping his hair long, staring into the mirror and seeing black hair cut short and sleek was like looking at a stranger.

  Isn’t that the point? After months of having his face on TV, online, and in the newspapers, he felt he could finally do his job without someone asking him, “Hey! Ain’t you that cop from the trial?” He’d enjoyed the long stint of undercover work, but it had been a trying time. Eighteen months working in the Black Lounge, slowly building the case against Richards and his mob, making sure his background story checked out, always being careful about every word that came out of his mouth….

  Being back on the streets was something of a relief. And those contacts had been a bitch. Thank God he got to wear his glasses again.

  As he walked along, his jacket wrapped tight around him—because hey, it might well have been May, but this was New York, babe—his thoughts turned to Jesse Bryant. Not that such thoughts had ever strayed all that far from him, ever since the lunch after the trial.

  There’s something not right there. Randy had always liked Jesse, with his happy-go-lucky attitude, that sexy smile, and abundant natural exuberance. How could anyone not like him? He’d been one of the most popular guys in the Black Lounge, and it was easy to see why. When Jesse greeted his clients, he was always relaxed, plainly looking forward to spending time with them.

  Easy to like a hooker who obviously loved his job. Even easier to see why Randy had spent a lot of time thinking about Jesse, both when he was working and when he’d gone home for the night.

  Randy shivered, and it had nothing to do with the sudden gust of wind that whipped around him. Not gonna go there. And then his mind went back to his original thought. Jesse hadn’t been his usual self at all. Randy reasoned it might have something to do with his job situation. That would worry anyone.