Before You Break Page 3

  Roberts was already off to a bad start.

  During the morning briefing before they headed out into the fake town used for training exercises, Shaun commented on Roberts’s physical appearance. It was obvious he worked out; his muscles had muscles. But his face…. There was no way to describe him other than pretty. Not remotely Wayne’s type—if he had a type, that is—but he knew someone was bound to say something sooner or later. He silently counted to ten before the first salvo was fired, and of course it was Shaun, he of the sharp tongue and razor-like wit. Roberts bristled initially, but Wayne moved swiftly to ensure Shaun’s victim knew there was nothing to it, only words. Shaun had grinned, affirming Wayne’s attempt to smooth Roberts’s ruffled feathers.

  The training exercise went well. The aim was to prepare them for a terrorist attack during a foreign diplomatic visit, and the debrief was useful. Wayne always treated these activities like they were the real thing. That way any errors or misconceptions could be eradicated, and should the situation arise, they would be ready. Once training was over, it was a case of off with the jackets, helmets, and other paraphernalia, into the shower, and then the rest of the evening was free.

  Of course a training day wasn’t complete without some teasing.

  Fourteen officers piled into the locker room, and soon steam puffed out of the showers, accompanied by loud voices telling jokes, sharing tales of football, pub crawls, sexual conquests, and holiday plans.

  Wayne usually spent his locker time trying his best to avoid looking at Ellis, afraid all it would take was one glance that lingered too long on his friend’s solid body to give the game away. Of course he’d been doing this for years. Wayne had worked it out: Ellis joined the unit six years ago. Wayne reckoned they became friends about a month later. However, he’d been thinking about that magnificent body for five years, eleven months, three weeks, a couple of days, and maybe a few hours.

  Thinking was all he did; Ellis was out of bounds. There was no way Wayne was about to jeopardize their friendship by making a move on his best friend—his very straight best friend.

  When Roberts emerged from the showers, a towel wrapped around his waist, revealing a chiseled torso that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a magazine, Wayne knew it wouldn’t be long.

  “Oh, you wanna watch out, Roberts,” Shaun called out, a wicked grin all over his face. “You’ll have our resident gay guy drooling so much you’ll need to take another shower.” Snickers echoed around the locker room.

  “Ugh, gay drool. That shit gets everywhere,” Cassidy joked, and Phelps snorted.

  Wayne said nothing, but watched the proceedings with a smile. His colleagues weren’t about to out him—not that he cared. They were still assessing Roberts.

  Roberts opened his eyes wide. “One of you is gay?” His tone provided no clue as to his feelings about that.

  Shaun’s grin widened. “Why? Is that gonna be a problem?” He flashed a glance at the others who stood around, drying off or getting dressed.

  Uh-oh. Wayne knew that look.

  Ellis caught Wayne’s gaze, his lips twitching. Apparently so did he.

  “Uh, no….” Roberts didn’t sound too sure. “So who’s the gay bloke?” His tone was nonchalant enough, but Wayne hadn’t missed a bit of tension creeping in across his shoulders.

  Shaun’s eyes gleamed. “That’s for us to know and you to find out.” He walked over to where Roberts stood and trailed a single finger down his bare back. “I’m sure a big, strong man like you can work it out—sweetheart.”

  Wayne had to fight hard not to laugh out loud. Shaun was six feet two in his bare feet, with hands the size of dinner plates. To hear the endearment, uttered in his deep voice, was just… weird.

  Roberts stared at him, unable to repress a shiver.

  Here we go.

  Phelps took the hint and sauntered over to Roberts, sashaying his hips in an exaggerated fashion. “It can’t be that difficult, surely, sweetheart.” He stroked Roberts’s shoulder before walking off in the direction of the shower.

  Wayne wanted to laugh so hard, watching at least six more of his colleagues approach Roberts, every last one of them making their movements effeminate. Their voices lilted as all of them made sure to touch or stroke poor Roberts, and of course every one of them called him sweetheart. Derwent placed both hands on Roberts’s shoulders and bent down to whisper that he gave a wonderful massage, if Roberts was interested.

  It took a minute before he saw the funny side and waved them off with a grin.

  “You’re having a laugh, aren’t you?” Around him the guys burst into laughter, and he relaxed.

  Shaun chuckled. “Yeah, we are. The important thing is so are you now.” He patted Roberts on the back. “You’ll do.”

  Wayne smiled to himself. It wasn’t the first of such initiations he’d witnessed, and he doubted it would be the last. He knew none of it was meant to cause bad feelings—they wanted to know Roberts could take a joke, that he’d fit in with the rest of the men.

  Shaun gave Wayne a wink before he addressed Roberts. “I gather it really isn’t a problem.”

  Roberts shook his head. “Nah. Just never worked with a gay copper before.”

  “That you know of,” Cassidy added with a sly smile. “Not all gay men are stereotypical, you know.” He flashed a look in Wayne’s direction and his expression sobered. “You just need to know we look out for each other around here.”

  “Fair enough.” Roberts squared his jaw. “Just don’t call me pretty, all right?”

  Wayne groaned. “And you were doing so well too.” When Roberts stared at him, Wayne shook his head. “Face it, you just handed them all the ammunition they needed.”

  Roberts’s forehead creased into a frown.

  Shaun rubbed his hands together with obvious glee. “Okay, fellas, we’ve got Roberts’s nickname sorted. From now on he’s Pretty Boy.” Guffaws and snorts rebounded around the room.

  The penny dropped and Roberts sighed heavily. “I guess I walked straight into that one, right?” He dropped his towel and began to get dressed.

  “Afraid so,” Wayne said with a smile. He patted Roberts’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it—after the first couple of hundred times.”

  Roberts shook his head, laughing. “What’s your nickname, then?”

  Before Wayne could reply, Cassidy piped up, “Well, we wanted to call him Babe. You know the little pig who rounds up all the sheep? But that didn’t go down so well, so we’re still working on it.”

  Roberts guffawed. “Babe?”

  Cassidy shrugged. “He makes sure we’re focused, doing our jobs.” He gave Wayne a warm look. “A good man to have around in a crisis.”

  The sentiment made Wayne feel good.

  Derwent slung his jacket over his shoulder and headed for the door. He paused and turned back to regard Ellis. “By the way, thanks for helping me out.”

  “No problem,” Ellis replied with a wave of his hand. Derwent smiled and exited the locker room.

  Wayne gave Ellis a curious glance. “What was that about?”

  “Oh, it was nothing important,” Ellis said with a nonchalant air as he stepped into his jeans. Before Wayne could push him further, he called out to Phelps in the shower. “Do you have to sing while you’re showering?”

  “Fuck you, I’m practicing for Britain’s Got Talent. I’m gonna be the next SuBo,” Phelps yelled back.

  Ellis cackled. “I wouldn’t be handing in any letters of resignation, if I were you.” Around him there were snorts and guffaws and murmured agreements.

  One by one the officers disappeared, all with a wave or a smile, until only Wayne and Ellis remained.

  Ellis closed his locker and sighed. “And we get to do it all over again tomorrow.”

  “Different day, different scenario,” Wayne said briskly. “It’s all good.” He glanced into his bag, and a shiver ran through him when he caught sight of the stiff envelope poking out from under his towel. Not long to go now. As Saturday drew closer, his anticipation increased until he was buzzing from it.

  “What’s got you all riled up?”

  Shit. Wayne hadn’t realized he’d been that obvious. But then he thought about it. This is the perfect opportunity. If he was going to help Ellis, he’d have to say something, right? Six years they’d been friends, and although Ellis knew Wayne was gay, part of Wayne’s private life—the important part—remained something he kept secret.

  Maybe it’s time to share it.

  Wayne sat on the wide wooden bench that stood in the middle of the room. “I’m not going to be able to make it out with you guys on Saturday,” he said. “Something’s come up, and I’ve got other plans.”

  “Ooh, hot date?” Ellis teased.

  No, definitely not a date. He hadn’t had a real date in years. Not since he realized the depth of his feelings for Ellis. He’d done a few scenes at the club, but nothing even remotely sexual for quite some time. That would have felt like he was cheating—even though he wasn’t—and that wasn’t how he was built.

  “No, a club I belong to is having a reopening. I got an invite, and I want to go.”

  Ellis cocked his head, and Wayne grinned to himself. His friend had always been the curious sort, and his reaction was exactly what Wayne counted on.

  “I didn’t know you belonged to a club,” Ellis said, sitting down next to Wayne.

  “Yeah, have for a few years. The owners were getting on, so they sold it to someone else. They’ve remodeled, and they’re going to be showing it off to the members and their guests.”

  “Really? Sounds great. Who’s all going to be there?”

  “Hopefully a lot of the members will show up. We’ve lost a few people over the last year, so this is a g
ood chance to bring the numbers back up to what they used to be.”

  “What kind of club?” Ellis asked.

  “Oh, nothing you’d care about,” Wayne answered with a dismissive wave.

  “Oh. Okay.”

  It wasn’t okay, however. Wayne could see Ellis’s feelings were hurt. Wayne felt like a jerk, but he needed this to be Ellis’s idea. He knew his words would push Ellis’s buttons, because the man hated being in the dark about things. It took him all of two seconds to ask again.

  Wayne sighed dramatically. “I’m not really comfortable talking about this because it’s a part of my private life. I don’t really share it with anyone.”

  Ellis jutted his plump lip out slightly and squeezed his big brown puppy-dog eyes into a squint. “Wow. I didn’t know I was just anyone. Sorry I asked.”

  When he stood to go, Wayne reached out and grabbed his bicep. Instead of pulling away, Ellis stopped and waited.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. You’d actually be the only person I would tell. But this isn’t the kind of club that mixes well with what we do for a living. And you’d have to swear to keep it a secret.”

  Ellis turned back to face him, his cheeky grin making Wayne’s heart stutter. He held up his hand as though he were swearing. “I won’t tell. You have my word.”

  Wayne looked around, playing it up for Ellis’s benefit. “Okay, I belong to a very exclusive BDSM club.”

  Ellis’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “You? So I just call you Mr. Fifty Shades or something?”

  “No,” Wayne growled. He’d heard that one before, and it pissed him off to no end. “This is a real BDSM club. That other crap was… tripe. No self-respecting Dom would ever treat a sub like that.”

  Holding up his hands, Ellis took a step back. “Whoa, mate. I’m teasing. So what’s it like?”

  “I’m not sure I can answer that. I mean, it’s different things to different people. No two relationships are alike.”

  “There are relationships like that?” Ellis asked, rubbing his chin, his eyebrows squished together.

  “Yes, and before you ask, they’re not just about sex. Some relationships are, of course. But others have a deep bond that brings the people together in a way that benefits them both. For instance two of the men who used to come to the club found a third that they really fell in love with. The three of them were together quite a while, but then their submissive—do you know what a Dom or a sub is?”

  “To be honest I read some of that book. I didn’t really care for it. But I know the basics, I guess.”

  “Okay. I’m a Dom.”

  Ellis snorted. “Yeah, no kidding. Like I didn’t know that from the way you boss everyone around.”

  “Cheeky sod.” Wayne laughed. “I make no excuses for how I am. I like control.”

  Ellis gestured impatiently. “Yes, I know. Carry on.”

  “Okay, their submissive decided he didn’t want to be part of the relationship anymore, so he left them. Now they’re lost without a third to love.”

  “But they still have each other, right?”

  “They do, but they’re both Doms, and that doesn’t make for a sexually fulfilling relationship. They stayed together, though. I guess they’re hoping that their third will come back, or maybe that they’ll find someone else.” Wayne shrugged. “They’re just an example. There are so many types of BDSM relationships that it would probably boggle your mind.”

  Ellis huffed. “And you think finding out that you’re into that stuff doesn’t boggle it?”

  “See? You don’t know everything about me.”

  “So I’m just beginning to realize.” Ellis looked away. “So what kind of things are you in to?”

  “Why? Afraid I’ll be too kinky for you?”

  Ellis’s gaze snapped back. “No, nothing like that!” He paused. “You’re not, right?”

  Wayne laughed. “No. In the BDSM world, I’m considered pretty vanilla. I like control. I enjoy taking charge in a relationship, where what I say goes.”

  Ellis nodded. “I can see that. It’s how we all see you, anyway.”

  “And that’s how I am at home too. I’ve never had a submissive there, though. I confine all my playing to the club.”

  Ellis regarded him closely. “Okay, this might be a stupid question, but why?”

  How the hell do I answer that? “Well, see, the thing is, the idea of having sex with a sub sort of makes me feel like I’m cheating on you.” Yeah, he could see that remark going down like a lead balloon. “I haven’t met anyone who interested me,” Wayne answered. Not technically a lie, but not the full truth either.

  “And no one else knows you’re in to… this?”

  Wayne arched his eyebrows. “The people at the club. No one else.”

  Ellis gave him a cheeky grin. “Your mum and dad? What do you think they’d say if you brought a young man home all hog-tied?”

  Wayne frowned at Ellis. “Okay. One, they know I’m gay. They’re okay about it, but I think they still hold out hope that I’ll meet a woman one day. And two, I’m not into hog-tying people.” He grinned. “I’m trying not to picture attempting to get a hog-tied man through my parents’ front door. Yeah, that isn’t me. Though I do know a few men who are. One is a dentist, believe it or not.”

  Ellis shook his head, then must have realized Wayne was serious. “No kidding?”

  “Not at all. Like I said, the people who are interested in BDSM come from all walks of life. I haven’t been to the club in a while, so I’m looking forward to seeing them again.”

  Ellis chewed the cuticle on his thumb, a familiar nervous habit. Wayne had to bite back the desire to smack his hand away from his mouth and tell him to stop. He waited, knowing as soon as Ellis worked it out in his head, he’d say whatever was on his mind. Fortunately it didn’t take long.

  “Are you… um… going alone?”

  Wayne wanted to shout. He knew getting Ellis’s interest would be the only thing needed before the man asked about coming with him to the party. “Well, the invitation does say I can bring a guest, but I haven’t asked anyone yet. Why? Know someone who might want to come along?”

  “Well… maybe me?” Ellis asked with a grin.

  “You?” Wayne did his best to act surprised.

  “Sure. I mean, if you don’t mind. You’re my mate, so if it interests you, I should give it a fair shot, right?” Ellis blushed. “Will there… uh, be women there?”

  “It’s a gay BDSM club, so no, no women.”

  “Oh.” Ellis brightened instantly. “I guess that’s still okay. I mean, I like learning things.”

  And if Wayne had his way, Ellis was about to step onto the path to learning a whole new way of life. One where Wayne would hold the reins as he brought Ellis back to being the strong man he’d fallen in love with long ago.

  Chapter Three

  ELLIS LOCKED his front door, shrugged off his jacket, and hung it on a hook by the hall mirror. The drive home from Gravesend had been… interesting, but not in a good way. He’d had to fight really hard to concentrate on the traffic, not that this was anything new. When he had a near collision with another car on a roundabout, he pulled off the road into a lay-by, his heartbeat racing, palms clammy. When his pulse returned to normal, Ellis pulled out onto the main road and continued his journey home.

  It’s all Wayne’s fault.

  He flopped into his comfy armchair, his mind not on what he was going to have for dinner but still turning Wayne’s revelations over and over.

  BDSM?

  Okay, so it wasn’t a huge surprise, knowing how Wayne was. But still… a BDSM club?

  What really burned him was that Wayne hadn’t felt sure he could trust him. After six years of friendship, yeah, that stung. From the sound of it, this was an important part of Wayne’s life, and he hadn’t shared it. Not that Ellis expected him to blab to all and sundry—that wasn’t Wayne’s style—but to not tell him? As far as Ellis was aware, theirs was one of the tightest friendships in the unit.

  He did his best to push aside his hurt and focused on this new facet to Wayne. Deep down Ellis knew why he wasn’t surprised. He’d come to depend on Wayne. He felt like Wayne was always there for him. Maybe that was Ellis responding subconsciously to that part of Wayne’s nature. He knew it felt good knowing Wayne was looking out for him and the others.