Endings and Beginnings Read online

“No, it’s not,” he protested. “You were right. I should have never gone looking for him. I thought I needed to know, but you said it would only bring me pain.” He sniffed.

  Mum pulled him to her, and he leaned against her shoulder, breathing in her scent that was so familiar. It spoke to him of comfort and love, things he’d forgotten.

  “I know, honey,” she said softly. “It’s the same thing I’ve felt for the last twenty-five years.”

  “But why didn’t you tell me?” JJ asked.

  She stilled, and then a heavy sigh rolled out of her. “Oh, JJ. I wish I had, but if I had to do it all over again, I still wouldn’t have told you. Who’d want to know that their father didn’t want them? That he gave money to their mother to have an abortion? I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think you were unloved. I loved you, and when I saw you for the first time, I wanted you with my whole heart.”

  Another life JJ had messed up. He’d been so selfish, never once thinking about how this would affect anyone else. “I’ve messed up, Mum. Really badly this time.”

  “It can’t be that bad, surely,” she said.

  “I wouldn’t be too sure of that,” he said bitterly.

  Slowly he began to tell her the story of everything that had happened since he’d left home. She sat quietly, never interrupting. When he got to the part about Collars & Cuffs and learning that the people who were at the club had been nothing like Curtis, she regarded him intently.

  “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”

  JJ nodded. “His name is Darren. He’s… special.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad. You deserve someone like that.”

  JJ sucked in a deep breath. “There’s something you should know,” he said, a pain blossoming in his stomach at the thought that she might not understand.

  “He’s from your club?” she guessed.

  JJ nodded again.

  She straightened, her eyes keen. “Does he do anything that you don’t want him to?”

  JJ laughed. “No, definitely not.”

  “Does he scare you?”

  He huffed. “The only thing about this that scares me is my feelings for him.”

  Mum frowned. “Then what’s the problem?”

  He took a moment before replying. “He’s a Dom, Mum. He’s my Dom.”

  She chuckled and kissed his head. “Does he love you?”

  That stopped him dead. “I think so.” It wasn’t like Darren had actually come right out and said so, but JJ wasn’t blind.

  “Then I want to meet the man who makes you happy. Is he coming later?”

  That was all it took to bring on his tears again. After a moment JJ finished the story, telling her about the reporter. Then a thought struck him and he jerked his head up. “Shit. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have come here.”

  She snorted. “Don’t worry about it. He’s already been here.”

  “What?” His stomach clenched.

  Mum nodded. “He was at my door last week. I’m not sure what he expected to learn. The thing is, there’s nothing either of us can tell him. He wasn’t a part of our lives. He was gone before you were even born. We had no contact with him, and until I heard about it in the paper, I didn’t even know what happened to him. And that’s what I told that reporter.”

  “And he accepted that?”

  She laughed. “No, of course not. But what’s he going to do? We really don’t know anything. We had no idea what Curtis was up to.”

  Rage boiled up inside him. “That bastard. He was threatening to tell you all about my job, when all along he’d already been here. He was just trying to bluff me into talking to him, thinking he could use you as leverage.” He shook his head. “But he knows about me and the club.”

  “Did you talk to the club owners?”

  JJ shook his head, and she reached out and cupped his cheek.

  “You can’t shoulder the world’s problems. You need to talk to… Darren, is it?” She cocked her head. “Does he know where you are?”

  “No,” JJ said quietly. “I… I left him a note.” The knots in his belly tightened.

  Mum’s eyes were sad. “You’re a fool, JJ. You don’t run when things get tough. You stand up with the person who loves you and face it together. Because if you just run away, how can he ever trust you?”

  Trust. Bloody hell. He’d been the one who’d needed people to tell him the truth. To be able to trust them. And when he came to work at Collars & Cuffs, he’d been the one doing the lying. By now Darren would be home and probably frantic.

  “Call him, JJ. Tell him where you are.”

  JJ reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone. The screen was blank, and he realized he’d switched it off. As soon as his home screen appeared, he dialed the number and waited for Darren to answer. Shock ricocheted through him at Darren’s first words.

  “Where the fuck are you?”

  ANGER AND relief warred within Darren when he saw JJ’s name on the caller ID. He’d arrived home early, the memory of their last encounter still fresh in his mind. But instead of a waiting, naked JJ, he’d found a note.

  Darren,

  I’m in trouble. I can’t explain, but I have to go. I’ll be in touch to sort out my stuff.

  I need to solve this problem alone. I can’t drag you into this mess, because I love you.

  JJ

  Darren had been gutted and hurt, and the feeling hadn’t changed in the last hour or so.

  Before JJ could say a word, Darren let rip with all the worry and anger that had been brewing inside him.

  “If you’re in trouble, you’re supposed to come to me. If you need help, you come to me. You talk about trust—never mind that, you tell me you love me—and then you go and do this?”

  “Please, let me speak.”

  Darren caught the note of panic in JJ’s voice, and it put the brakes on his rage. He breathed deeply, forcing himself to calm. He’d been imagining all kinds of scenarios during the past hour or so, and hearing JJ’s voice was something of a relief.

  “Okay. Talk.” As he listened to JJ’s story, his sense of relief grew. “Is that all? Do you think I give a flying fuck about the reporter? He’s on a fishing expedition. And if he’s that interested in our sex life that he thinks it’s going to sell papers, let him write his bloody article and be damned.”

  “But your business—”

  “JJ, who are the clients of my salon? The submissives and Dominants of Collars & Cuffs make up a big chunk of my sales. Each of them has brought friends.”

  “But what about the others? The ladies we talked about?”

  God, if JJ had been there right then, Darren would have held on to him so tightly and never let him go.

  “Sweetheart, listen to me. The man has nothing. He hasn’t got a pot to piss in. My business is good because of the people who come into it. I admit, we’ll have to talk to Thomas and Leo. If he’s got pictures, they need to know. They might be of someone who isn’t out and proud of who they are, but that’s definitely not me.”

  “We? You’d… still want me?”

  The uncertainty in JJ’s voice broke Darren’s heart. “I’ve wanted you since our first date. When I read your note, I was so afraid I’d done something to muck it up. But yes, I want you. With everything I am, I want you. In my arms, my bed, my life. You’re it for me, JJ. Do you understand, boy?”

  “Yes, Sir,” he answered, and Darren could hear him crying.

  “You need to come home. Please.”

  JJ sniffed. “I can’t get a coach until tomorrow.”

  Like Darren could wait that long. “No coach. You tell me where you are and I’ll come and get you.”

  “It’s a long drive, and—”

  “Where. Are. You?”

  JJ rattled off an address in Birmingham. Darren looked around for a scrap of paper.

  “Never mind—text it to me. I’ll program it into my phone. Now let me talk to your mother.”

  “Why?�
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  “Because I told you to let me talk to her. Do I need to remind you who’s in charge?”

  There was a second of silence, and then he heard, “Mum? He wants to talk to you.”

  Darren chuckled.

  “Hello?” She sounded hesitant.

  “Hi. I know this is going to sound strange, but my name is Darren Fielding and I—”

  “Yes, JJ told me who you are. He’s told me the whole story.”

  That was unexpected. Darren spoke hurriedly. “I need a favor. Please don’t let JJ leave. I’ll be there in about two hours, traffic willing, but I need to be sure he’s safe.”

  “I promise you, he is.”

  There was a strength to her voice that left Darren no doubt of her sincerity.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he promised, then disconnected. He grabbed a jacket, his car keys from the hall table, and was out the front door in less than a minute.

  Thank God I stopped for fuel on the way home. His estimate of a couple of hours was probably accurate. Please, he prayed silently, no traffic jams or road accidents tonight? He had no intention of going less than seventy miles an hour the whole way down the M6.

  “Mr. Fielding? I’d like to ask you a few questions, if I could.”

  Darren recognized the man hanging around by his gate instantly. A red haze fell over his vision, and he stalked toward him, then grabbed him by the collar of his jacket. “You’re the one who’s been harassing JJ, aren’t you?”

  The man paled, squirming to be free of Darren’s firm grasp. “Let go of me. I just wanted to ask him some questions. That’s all.”

  “And you thought that by threatening to do some exposé of me, you’d get him to agree? You’re disgusting.”

  “The public—”

  “Means nothing to me. You terrified that young man. You made him doubt himself. Worse, you made him doubt me. Right now the only thing that’s keeping me from tearing you a new arsehole is the fact that he needs me. But I promise you this, if you ever come near him again, I won’t hold back. JJ is my responsibility. If you don’t leave him alone, I will make your life a living hell.”

  The man’s face was white. Darren knew his was an empty threat, but the lowlife seemed to believe him. Darren pushed him away and got into his car. Before he put it into gear, he lowered the window and held up his phone. “Say cheese,” he said grimly to the still shocked looking reporter who was standing by his gate. He took a picture and sent it to Thomas. Darren placed his phone in its base and switched to hands free before pulling away from the curb, not once bothering to give the little shit a second glance.

  A few minutes later, the phone rang.

  “He was outside your house?” Thomas demanded.

  “And he used me to threaten JJ.”

  “Bastard. Did you get a name?”

  “No. Look, JJ ran away.”

  “Oh hell. Where are you? I’ll get Leo and Ben and we’ll—”

  “He’s at his mother’s house in Birmingham. I’m on my way there to collect him.” Darren gave the junction his attention as he headed for the M6.

  “I’m sorry about this. I should have been more aggressive in trying to find out who this guy was.”

  “Not your fault. I wouldn’t have thought he’d do something like this either. JJ said he wants to use the article about Curtis to get himself a job with a newspaper, you know, get himself noticed.”

  “We can discuss it later. Right now, you go get JJ.”

  “On my way as we speak. And when I do get him home, his arse is going to be so red, it’s not even going to be funny.”

  “You’re going to punish him for being afraid?” Thomas sounded dubious.

  “No. I’m going to punish him for not trusting in me enough to come to me when he was afraid. And it won’t be a spanking, but I assure you, it’ll be something he won’t forget.”

  Thomas sighed. “Darren, I know this is all new to you, so please understand my concerns. You don’t deal out punishments when you’re angry.”

  “I’m not angry with him, Thomas. I’m hurt, but I’ll get over it. I need to make him understand that when he has problems, he has to come to me. We have to communicate and work together.”

  He could hear the smile in Thomas’s voice. “I think you’re going to do just fine. I’ll let you go. I have a reporter to track down.”

  Thomas disconnected, and Darren turned his thoughts back to JJ. They needed to talk about what happened, and Darren had to ensure JJ understood his concerns. And then he’d take him to bed and show him in word and deed how much he was loved.

  THANKS TO the GPS on his phone, Darren found JJ’s house with little problem. He only had time to give the neighborhood a cursory glance as he drove through. He could envision JJ being raised here by a mother who loved him. Playing with the neighborhood kids, growing up to become the fine young man Darren had fallen in love with. While JJ’s phone call had relieved him of the initial panic that had coursed through him, it had also exposed an underlying problem. JJ might trust Darren with his body, but he seemed less inclined to allow Darren to have his heart. What he’d told Thomas, though? This had to be the moment when Darren made JJ understand. They couldn’t go through life together with JJ only willing to give part of himself. Darren needed it all.

  No, that wasn’t quite right—he demanded it all.

  He pulled up outside the house. Daylight was just starting to fade, and the streetlights were coming on, their orange glow warm against the darkening sky. Once he’d locked the car, Darren walked up to the door and rang the bell. Now that he was finally standing there, he felt tense. The idea of taking JJ home, tying him to the bed, and never letting him out of sight again was a tempting one, if not awfully practical. It didn’t address the long-term problem, for one thing.

  When the door opened and a figure peered around it, Darren breathed a sigh of relief. He’d recognize those lovely gray eyes anywhere.

  “JJ, if that’s Darren, let the man in.”

  The door opened slowly, and JJ stood, head bowed. At the sight of him, all Darren’s intentions of being stern flew out the window. He crossed the threshold and grabbed JJ by the shoulders, pulling him in, needing to assure himself that JJ truly was okay. The scent of their soap, the shampoo JJ loved, and that subtle aroma that tugged at Darren with every breath filled his lungs and soothed his heart. There would be time for punishments later. In that moment he needed JJ right where he was.

  JJ held on, as if afraid Darren would disappear, and Darren didn’t mind at all. He knew JJ needed the closeness too.

  “You had me so worried,” Darren whispered in his ear. “We’re going to discuss this, but right now it’s enough to know that you’re okay.”

  “I—”

  Darren stopped his words with a kiss, and JJ sighed into it. When they parted, Darren said, “No, we’re not going to talk about this now. Later we’ll hash it out. Right now I’m good right here.”

  JJ snuggled closer, his cheek pressed against Darren’s, his body warm in Darren’s arms.

  “The two of you look good together” came another voice.

  Darren looked up, and he immediately recognized the woman as JJ’s mum. He stepped back but grasped JJ’s hand in his, their fingers intertwining.

  “Good evening, Ms. Taylor. My name is Darren Fielding.”

  “It’s a pleasure,” she said, holding out her hand. “JJ’s told me a lot about you.”

  Darren chuckled and looked at JJ, whose ears had gone scarlet. “Should I be worried?”

  “Probably,” she said conspiratorially.

  “Mum!” JJ exclaimed.

  She laughed. “I’m teasing, of course. JJ speaks highly of you. Please, come in. Would you like some tea or coffee? I might have some wine in the fridge.”

  “Definitely no wine. We have a long drive home.”

  When JJ’s mother frowned, Darren gave her a reassuring smile.

  “We’d love some tea, though, right, bo—right, JJ
?”

  “She knows, Sir,” JJ whispered.

  The fact that JJ had been open with his mother about their relationship filled Darren with unbridled joy.

  “I’ll be honest,” she said, her gaze flickering to JJ for a moment. “I don’t really understand it. I tried reading that book that came out a while back, and it all seemed so… sordid. But JJ has been explaining to me how you fulfill a need in him, and as long as he’s happy, that’s good enough for me.” She gave them a polite smile. “Just… please, don’t make him kneel or anything when I’m around, okay?”

  The laugh they shared broke the tension, and Darren couldn’t help but be grateful for it. He pulled JJ closer, smiling when his boy laid his head on Darren’s shoulder and sighed contentedly.

  “I’ll go start the tea. JJ, why don’t you show Darren around the house?”

  “Sure.” Without letting go of Darren’s hand, JJ gave him a quick tour. It seemed small compared to Darren’s place, but it held a charm he couldn’t deny.

  “This was my room,” JJ said, opening the door on what was definitely a teenage boy’s bedroom. Posters of sport stars dotted the walls, incredibly sexy men without shirts, posing in provocative ways. “Mum kept it as it was. Maybe now I’ve left home for good, she can redecorate.” He glanced at the walls and reddened. “I think Mum would like to get rid of the posters, for one thing.”

  Darren stared at them and snorted. “Why am I not surprised?”

  “Shut up,” JJ said gruffly. “I was a kid then.”

  “One with a very healthy appetite, apparently. So, you had a thing for sportsmen?” He grinned.

  JJ nodded. “Used to. That’s how my crush started on… you know. He looked so good in his kit. Pity that beneath it all, he turned out to be a right bastard.”

  “I’m glad for it,” Darren admitted. “If he’d been a man, he might have kept you, and you wouldn’t be in my bed at night.”

  The stain rose on JJ’s cheeks again, which amused Darren. He tugged JJ into the room and closed the door, then pulled JJ into a kiss. JJ melted into his arms, greedily sucking at Darren’s tongue. When Darren felt him growing hard against his hip, he stepped back, eliciting a small whine from JJ.