Endings and Beginnings Page 34

  Darren locked gazes with him. “You have a punishment coming, remember?” Darren informed him. “If I had a cock cage on me, you’d be locked in it for a month for worrying me.”

  JJ smothered a snort. “You’ve threatened that before, as I recall, and it was only on for a week.” He paused, his gaze focused on Darren’s face. “You… were worried?”

  Darren peered into the beautiful gray eyes that pleaded for an answer. He realized JJ needed more reassurance that things were okay between them. “Yes, I was frantic when I found your note. I couldn’t focus, had no idea what to do. I tried calling but didn’t get an answer.”

  “I turned my phone off,” JJ admitted. “I thought if I talked to you, I’d break down and….”

  “And prove you needed me? That’s what you’re supposed to do, you know. I’m not just your lover, I’m your Dom. When you’re worried or afraid, you come to me. It’s my job to help you feel better, not yours to protect me.”

  “I know, but—”

  Darren grabbed JJ by the shoulders. “There are no buts here, boy. You didn’t trust me to help you, and that hurts.”

  “I did!” JJ insisted.

  “No, you didn’t. If you’d come to me, we could have worked it out. I could have told you then that the reporter doesn’t frighten me, and he shouldn’t scare you either.”

  JJ’s face fell. “He didn’t scare me, he terrified me. I’ve found a home, a place I’m happy, and he’s going to take it all away from me.”

  “No, he can’t. Unless we let him, and I have no intention of letting you go. You’re mine. Do you understand?” He let go of JJ, who sagged against him. Darren was glad to bear the weight.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Darren didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing that word on JJ’s lips. Then he realized he hadn’t shared everything.

  “Just so you know, he ambushed me outside the house as I was coming to get you.”

  JJ gaped. “The reporter? That fucker.”

  Darren nodded. “I told him that if he ever came near you again, I’d hurt him.”

  JJ bit his lip, his brow wrinkled. “You can be prosecuted for threatening bodily harm to someone. Please, tell me you wouldn’t do anything so stupid.”

  The concern in JJ’s voice warmed him. “No, I wouldn’t, but hopefully the threat will be enough to make him stay away. If not, Thomas is looking him up. We’re going to find out where he works, and we’re going to put a stop to it once and for all.”

  “Thank you,” JJ whispered. “But what if he goes ahead and publishes it? What then?”

  Darren kissed his forehead. “First of all, just because he writes his article doesn’t necessarily mean someone will publish it. I for one don’t believe he’ll have enough in it to interest a tabloid. Secondly, so what if he does? We’ve already talked about how it might—might—affect my business, but I’m not worried. And you shouldn’t be either.” He tightened his arms around JJ. “It’s my job to take care of you, and you need to trust that I will always do that. I love you, JJ.”

  JJ jerked his head up. “You… you do?”

  Darren cradled JJ’s head in his hands and brought their mouths together in a soft kiss. He leaned back and smiled at his boy. “Yes. Very much.”

  “I love you too,” JJ admitted. “I wasn’t sure if I should say it first, in case you didn’t feel the same way, but I do. So much.”

  Something nagged at him. “But there is one thing we have to talk about now, JJ. Something that stops today.” He cupped JJ’s cheek. “You can’t keep running away when you have a problem. You’ve run from your job twice. You ran from me. Where are you running to?”

  JJ stared at him, his face flushed. “I… I don’t know. In my mind, I feel like I’m about to lose it all. Everything I tried to build will be taken from me.” He swallowed hard. “I can’t handle losing things that are important to me. I cocked it up with my mum when I left, but she still took me back and loved me.”

  “That’s what mums are supposed to do,” Darren said gently. “It’s what friends do. It’s what lovers do. And it will always be what I do.”

  JJ’s face tightened. “My heart wants to believe it. Really. But my head—”

  “Then we have to figure out a way to tell that voice it’s no longer needed,” Darren said firmly. “There are people who will take care of you now. Who care about you. Those are the people you need to listen to. Not a reporter. And for now, not yourself. Learn to trust in us, JJ. Lean on me, because I’ll always hold you up.”

  JJ stood quietly for a moment. “Is it really that simple?”

  “It’s as simple or as hard as you want it to be, honestly. But it does come down to trust. Today you broke ours. I thought you’d begun to trust in me.”

  JJ opened his mouth to speak, but Darren stilled him.

  “We’re going to rebuild it, like Thomas said. We’re going to make it stronger. Together. Because the only way it works is if we do it together. Do you understand me?”

  JJ nodded, but it wasn’t enough.

  “Tell me you understand. I need to hear it.”

  “I understand. I promise I’ll try to do better.”

  Darren smiled. “And I promise to be there with you every step of the way. We’ll probably have issues like this in the future, at least for a while, but I’m going to make you see that nothing is going to drive me away. Nothing. And one day, when you don’t realize it, the little lightbulb will go on, and you’ll find yourself surprised because you learned to believe in us.”

  A breath shuddered out of JJ, and he nodded, moving closer until he was pressed against Darren’s body from chest to groin. They stood like that for a few minutes, Darren loving the feel of JJ’s body against him. Then JJ chuckled. “Is it wrong of me that I’m seeing my bed here and having wicked thoughts about you in it?”

  Darren whispered in his ear. “If your mum wasn’t downstairs, I’d bend you over your bed and show you how your first fuck should have been. I’d wipe away all memories of that bastard.”

  JJ’s smile lit up his face. “You already did. You’re the only man I have eyes for now. The only one I want to be in bed with.”

  Darren gave him a quick peck on the lips and then smacked his arse. “And it better damn well stay that way.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  THE SOUND of teacups rattling downstairs drew JJ’s attention.

  “I think that’s Mum hinting the tea is made,” he said with a smile.

  “Perfect. I could do with a cup. I haven’t had one since lunchtime.”

  Darren opened the bedroom door, and JJ led the way down the stairs. They walked into the lounge and took a seat on the couch, JJ pressed up against Darren’s side. Mum glanced up from her pouring and smiled to see them.

  JJ’s mind was in a whirl. Had Darren been right? JJ could try to justify it any way he wanted, but in the end, he hadn’t gone to Darren to tell him he was afraid. He might have been able to convince himself his intentions were noble, but if truth be told, he hadn’t believed Darren could keep him from being hurt—keep both of them from being hurt, all because of Curtis.

  Hang on a minute, though. Didn’t I hurt people too? Not physically but emotionally. How his mum must have suffered after he left, because he refused to listen. And what about Peter when he’d tried to talk, but JJ had pushed him away, because Peter represented everything bad that had happened to him, even though he later found out that wasn’t the case? And Darren, who wanted to care for JJ, desiring nothing more than to be the Dom JJ claimed he wanted, but JJ couldn’t even trust him enough when the chips were down.

  Something inside him fractured.

  “Mum?” he croaked.

  She paused, a cup in midair, and frowned. “Are you all right?”

  “I… I….” The enormity of his planned next words hit him so hard, JJ found himself unable to get them out. He turned to Darren, hoping he would see, would understand, would help him.

  Darren smiled and wrapp
ed an arm around JJ. “It’s okay. Let it out.”

  JJ nodded, gulping down deep breaths. He met his mum’s worried gaze and bared his soul.

  “I’m sorry. I was so awful. I should have listened, but it hurt when I found out you weren’t telling me the truth. I thought… I couldn’t be sure everything wasn’t a lie. I started wondering what else might not be true. Did you really love me like you said? Or was that just a story too? I couldn’t bear the thought that everything you said might not be true. I’m sorry.”

  Mum was out of her armchair and across to where he sat in a heartbeat. Darren relinquished his hold on JJ, and she enfolded him in her arms. “I never meant to hurt you. I swear,” she said, stroking his hair. “When you started asking about him, I thought the lie was easier than the truth. I figured if I gave you a father you could be proud of, it would be easier on you. Then you wanted to know more, and the story kept growing. I had hoped you’d let it go, but I should have known better. You’re such a stubborn young man.”

  Darren snorted, and JJ glared at him.

  Mum didn’t seem to notice. “I let too much time pass,” she admitted. “Then I found out who he really was when I read the stories in the paper, and I grew desperate that you not be dragged into his mess. If I’d told you the truth, it could have saved you so much pain.”

  “No, it wouldn’t,” JJ admitted. “In the stories you told me, he was the hero. I wanted him to be that so badly, I ignored the evidence when I saw it. I thought everyone was wrong, that he was a good man, but that he’d been led astray. I convinced myself of it, that I’d find him and maybe we’d be a family again, but he’d be a part of my life.” Right then, the idea seemed laughable, and a wave of regret flowed through him. “When I was confronted with irrefutable proof of what kind of monster he really was, I had no idea what to do. Darren stepped in, and he helped me stand up, to allow myself to be angry, to admit the truth about Curtis. And once I finally admitted it, then the pain started to fade.” He lifted his chin and looked her in the eye. “But I shouldn’t have waited to call you. I should have admitted I had been wrong, and we could have gotten this settled like adults. Instead I waited and allowed it to fester, only admitting when the reporter came at me that I needed my mum.”

  Just saying the words, giving voice to what he now knew was true, lifted a stone weight from his chest.

  His mother’s eyes grew misty as she wrapped her arms around JJ’s neck and pulled him in. Her voice broke when she said, “I love you. You have to know that.”

  And JJ did. He finally knew the truth that had been there all along, the one he’d been too blind to see. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, only to love him.

  JJ PUT away the cups, trying not to listen to the conversation taking place in the living room.

  “Thank you for coming all the way here to pick him up. You know the two of you could stay the night.”

  “Thank you, ma’am, but I need to get him home and settled in again. We have a lot to discuss, and I think the sooner we start talking, the better.”

  “I understand. Will you… do you think he’ll come back again?”

  The uncertainty in her voice threatened to undo JJ. But Darren handled it like he’d done with everything else.

  “I promise he will. You opened his eyes tonight and showed him his place in your heart. He feels safe there, and I know he’s going to want to make sure he keeps on seeing you.”

  A pause. “I love him, you know.”

  “Good. That makes two of us, then,” Darren said.

  JJ couldn’t resist peering through the open doorway. His mum gasped when Darren bent forward and kissed her on the cheek.

  “I promise I’ll take care of him.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad to hear it. He needs that. He has to have a place to finally call home.”

  “He has two now. Here with you, and with me. I think between the two of us, we can beat some sense into him.”

  Mum’s eyes widened. “You don’t… uh… really mean beat, do you?”

  JJ wanted to giggle at both her tone and her panicked expression, but Darren laughed first.

  “No, ma’am. No beating here.” His eyes twinkled. Although there might be a spanking or two in his future.”

  She rubbed her chin, then smiled at him. “I think that’s okay. A sore bottom can teach a lesson pretty quickly.”

  JJ couldn’t hold it in any longer. “For God’s sake, don’t give him ideas, Mum,” he groaned. And that set them all to laughing.

  Darren surprised him by giving his mum a brief hug before turning to JJ.

  “Come on. Let’s go home.”

  “OKAY, PET, what are you up to?”

  Jarod fixed his features in as innocent an expression as he could muster. “What do you mean, Sir?”

  Eli gave his face one glance and snorted. “Yeah, like I’m buying that look. You can’t fool me. First you make my favorite dinner—which, by the way, was delicious—and then you put on one of my favorite films. So the way I figure it, either you’ve done something really bad, or you’re buttering me up for something you’re about to drop on me.”

  Jarod laughed. “Well, I haven’t done anything bad—”

  Eli let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. “Okay, lemme have it. What are you after?”

  Jarod gave up any form of pretense. It was no use with Eli anyway. He knew Jarod too well for any subterfuge. “I wanted to talk about the club. Our club.”

  Eli folded his arms. “This is going to be an expensive conversation, isn’t it?” He sighed. “Go on, then. Out with it.”

  He held his arm wide in invitation, and Jarod didn’t hesitate. He snuggled up to Eli.

  “I spoke with the architect we appointed to check out the building and do the renovations. He assured me it’s sound. In fact, he said it’s been remarkably well maintained. He wants to sit down with us to discuss the layout. He said they could have the whole building refurbished in less than six months.”

  Eli frowned. “Six months? That leaves the current members without a place to go. We could lose a lot of the clientele before we’d even open.”

  “Well, we did offer an incentive to get it done earlier.”

  Eli grinned. “Oh, we did, did we?”

  Jarod smiled. “They’ll receive a sizable bonus if they can get it done in three months. I told them they could hire crews to work around the clock if necessary, and we’d pay whatever it cost.”

  That frown was back in evidence. “Pet, I’m not happy throwing around your money like this.”

  “Our money,” Jarod reminded him patiently. “Our money, our business. Yes?”

  Eli stuck out his chin, but Jarod wasn’t about to back down. He stared him down, and finally Eli caved.

  “Okay,” he said with a sigh. “Our money.”

  Jarod beamed. “There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  Eli fixed him with a steely glare. “You know what else is going to be hard, pet? My cock after I use my new paddle on your arse.”

  “New… paddle?”

  Eli gave him a smug smile. “Yep. It has my initials in raised letters so everyone will be able to see who you belong to after we use it. Seems you’re not the only one who’s been up to something.” The smile became a wide grin. “Upstairs, now.”

  Jarod returned his grin. “Yes, Sir.”

  “WHAT ARE you thinking about?” Darren asked as he climbed into bed. “You look like you’re miles away.”

  JJ rolled onto his side to face him. “I was thinking about something you said.”

  Darren laughed. “Well, that narrows it down a bit.” He lifted his eyebrows. “And what are you doing all the way over there?”

  JJ snorted. “Keeping a safe distance. You’ve already told me I’ve a punishment coming my way. Do you blame me for not being that eager to discover what you’ve got planned?” He pushed out a sigh. “I figured you haven’t mentioned it since we got home because you were torturing me… unless you’ve changed your mind? We
could just skip it,” he suggested hopefully.

  “We could,” Darren answered, and relief welled up inside JJ. “But then how could you trust me to keep my word? It’s my responsibility to look after you, and if I let this go, would I be doing either of us any favors?”

  JJ rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “No, I suppose not.”

  “I’m not punishing you because I enjoy it,” Darren protested, but then he smirked. “Well, maybe just a little.”

  JJ chuckled. Darren reached over to take his hand.

  “I need you to know what my word means. If I tell you something, you need to be able to know that I wouldn’t lie to you. I’ve said I would punish you, and I have to do as I say.”

  JJ really did get that, and part of him was so proud of Darren for sticking to his guns. The least he could do was accept it with good grace. “No, you’re right. I did something stupid, and you did say I had to be punished.” He freed his hand, sat up in bed cross-legged, and turned to face Darren, his hands in his lap. “What’s my punishment going to be?”

  “I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” Darren answered. “I understand why you did it. I’m not happy that you couldn’t trust me, but I do get it. I’m thinking we need remedial lessons in trust. I saw online this one about walking your blindfolded lover in a park, helping them through the obstacles.”

  JJ tensed, and Darren sighed.

  “JJ, you know I would never let anything happen to you. I might be a little hurt, but there is nothing you could do that would make me cause you harm.”

  “It’s not that,” JJ said slowly. “I actually agree with the idea of additional training.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “I….” His heartbeat sped up, and his throat tightened. He quickly switched tacks. “I was wondering if we could get some more training on the ropes with Andrew. I’m not quite sure I have it down yet, and you looked really good when he was showing us.”

  Darren burst out laughing, and JJ’s heart felt that little bit lighter. He uncrossed his legs and shifted closer to Darren, who pulled him until he was sitting astride his lap.