My Christmas Spirit Read online

  I guess it was time to find out if I was serious about my idea concerning new traditions. “I think we’re going ice-skating,” I said, my heartbeat racing. What reassured me was that it was my decision. Mike had no part in it. This was the right way to go.

  Ollie beamed. “Excellent. Do you want to save this for a weekend, or shall we go during the week?”

  I considered the question. “Maybe we should save this for a Saturday. I might need the Sunday to recover.”

  Ollie laughed. “Yeah, that might not be a bad idea. Especially if I prove to be crap at it, and spend more time on my arse than on my feet.” He took a drink of his rum and coke. “I don’t suppose…”

  When nothing else was forthcoming, I peered at him. “You don’t suppose what?”

  “Would you meet me for a coffee at that same coffee shop one night this week? If it’s on your way home or something. I wouldn’t want to put you out.”

  Part of me was flattered. “Oh, I see.”

  His eyes twinkled. “Only this time, without any ghostly companions.”

  I liked the sound of that. “Why not? But as for Mike not being there, I’ve got no control over that part. I’ve asked him to stay away a couple of times. Fat lot of good that did.”

  “Then it’s a yes?”

  I smiled. “It’s a yes.” It was only then that I realized how little I knew about Ollie. “Tell me about yourself. I know about Jay, but that’s it.”

  Ollie shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. I’m twenty-eight, and I work in an office, where I answer calls. It’s not an exciting job, but it pays the bills. I get to leave my work at the office door, and I don’t work weekends, which suits me fine.”

  “And what do you do when you’re not in your office? Any hobbies?”

  Ollie snorted. “None whatsoever. That was one of Jay’s pet peeves. He felt I should have something to do in my spare time that fulfilled me. Except his idea of a hobby was going to the gym.”

  “Sounds like he and Mike would have got along.”

  Ollie smiled. “Another man who liked to work out? I couldn’t think of anything worse. I do the same things everyone does—I watch films, I listen to music, I read, although not as much as I would like. Maybe Jay was right. Maybe I need to find a hobby.”

  “Hey, reading is a hobby too, you know,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, but I’m talking about the kind of hobbies that I can put on my CV. You know, something to discuss at interview.”

  “Are you thinking of changing jobs?”

  Ollie chuckled. “It wasn’t on my list of things to do, but you never know what’s around the corner.” He finished his drink. “Can I buy you another?” His lips were twitching again.

  “Only if you’re prepared to accept the consequences.”

  He pretended to consider my words. “Okay, maybe not. I’m not a huge Tina Turner fan.” His eyes sparkled. “Now, if we’re talking Adele, that’s another matter.”

  “Well, I do know all the words to Rolling in the Deep.” When he blinked, I laughed. “Trust me, I won’t. You like your eardrums just the way they are.” I drank what was left of my rum and coke. “Thank you for inviting me.”

  “You’re welcome. It wasn’t exactly what I had planned, but I think it worked out better in the end. We got the chance to talk, and I got to experience a ghost ruffling my hair.” Ollie gazed at me inquiringly. “You’re sure he’s not here?”

  I smiled. “Positive.” I got to my feet, and Ollie joined me. “Time to go, I think.” Ollie led me out of the corner, across the pub and out onto the street. The snow had turned to a dirty grey sludge, and even that would be gone by morning.

  He pointed to the right. “I go this way.”

  “And I go that way,” I said, pointing to the left. I extended my hand, but he ignored it, and gave me a brief hug. When he released me, he grinned.

  “I think we’ve passed the handshaking stage,” he said gravely. “It seems a bit formal, considering how up close and personal I got with your former boyfriend.”

  He had a point.

  We said our goodbyes, after arranging to set up a day and time for the coffee shop, and then set off into different directions. As I headed for the Tube, I didn’t need to look to know that Mike was close by. There was that familiar tingle over my skin.

  Well, that went better than I thought it would.

  You were listening, weren’t you? I didn’t glance around to locate him.

  Just to the end part. Although… If you think I’m going to stay away from the sight of you trying out ice skating for the first time, think again.

  That was what I was afraid of. As long as you promise not to do anything to make me fall over. And while we are on the subject of promises… I don’t want to see you in the coffee shop this week when I meet up with Ollie. Okay?

  Mike sighed. Okay. I guess I can promise you that much. I’ll stay away from the coffee shop.

  I had to ask. You’re still here though. You’re not done yet?

  Not yet. Then my skin stopped tingling, and I knew he’d gone. As I joined the throng of people heading down into the bowels of the Tube, I couldn’t help wondering what was left for him to do. Maybe I had it right all along. Maybe Mike had come back to help me rediscover the joy of Christmas.

  Then I realized after tonight, he had seventeen days left to accomplish his task.

  Seventeen days until Christmas Day.

  Seventeen days for him to get up to a whole lot of new tricks.

  This did not bode well.

  I lay in bed, unable to sleep. I didn’t glance at the clock—I didn’t want to see what the time was. Then I realized the only way I’d get any rest, was to ask the question that had been on my mind all night.

  Mike? Are you there?

  Warmth settled over me. Right here.

  I didn’t switch on the light. Can I ask you something?

  Ask away.

  What’s it like? I don’t mean the dying part. I didn’t want to hear that. Losing him had been bad enough. I didn’t want to experience that pain again. Where you are now… Are you happy then?

  There was silence for a moment. I’m not supposed to talk about that.

  The words came out of me in a rush. I don’t want descriptions or specifics. I don’t want to know what you do. I just want to make sure you’re happy.

  When I felt his hand on my cheek, I sensed… I don’t even know how to describe it. It was as if a gentle wave rolled over me, bringing with it a feeling of joy so exquisite that it brought tears to my eyes. There was love too, a radiance that seemed to grow brighter and brighter, until it hurt my eyes. So many emotions flooded through me, leaving me awed and humbled.

  He’d answered my question without a single word.

  Mike withdrew his hand, and I felt its absence instantly.

  And when you’re done, you get to go back there? You’re not stuck here? I didn’t want that for him, not when he’d left such a wonderful place to set me back on the right path.

  A gentle chuckle rolled out of him. No, sweetheart, I’m not stuck here. Now get some sleep.

  I had one last question. You left all that… to come back and help me?

  I had to. Because as beautiful as it is, knowing you weren’t happy was more than I could bear. I felt the soft press of his lips against my forehead. Go to sleep, sweetheart.

  The warmth didn’t recede, and I sank into a velvety sleep.

  Chapter Eight

  Wednesday. Fourteen days to Christmas

  I’d just finished my lunch and gone back to my desk when my skin began to tingle in a way that was fast becoming familiar. I didn’t look around. You’ve been quiet the last few days. I was just getting used to not seeing you.

  I’m hurt. Mike stepped into view, and the first thing I noticed was the red, fur-trimmed Christmas hat perched on his head. Then I saw his face and realized immediately he hadn’t been joking. If I was going disappear for good, I’d have said. I wouldn’t just vanish
without a word.

  Part of me had known that, of course. I’m sorry. I know that’s not like you. Except it should have been wasn’t like you, because Mike was dead.

  Lately it had been difficult to remember that.

  Besides, at least this time I can say goodbye.

  His softly spoken remark brought one thing home to me with startling clarity. I remembered the pain I’d felt on losing him—for the first time I knew he’d suffered that same pain.

  There was nothing I could say. Instead, I sought refuge in humour. What’s with the hat?

  Mike grinned. Do you like it? I thought I’d get in the mood. I mean, Christmas is only a fortnight away. He glanced around the office. Definitely looking festive in here. Janice had gone around the previous day, putting up the tree, and putting tinsel on everything that would stay still.

  At least they haven’t got to the point of playing Christmas music. Then I had to stifle a gasp as Mike took off his hat and hung it on his erect dick.

  He waggled it from side to side. What do you think?

  I was trying my best not to laugh. Like I said, very… festive.

  Why does no one make dick decorations?

  I was glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee. I’d have choked on it. Okay, this really isn’t fair. Can you not say things like that when I’m in the middle of the office? Not reacting to you is a hard-enough job, but seriously?

  Mike gave me an indignant stare. I’m being serious. This could be a whole new trend. Someone could make a fortune designing things to be worn on your dick. Mike’s eyes gleamed. I can see it now. Dickorations.‘Have a cocky Christmas.’

  I sighed. I take it there’s a point of this visit. I was beginning to learn that Mike’s visits always had a point.

  Mike pointed to the calendar on the wall. December 11th. Tomorrow is the twelfth.

  And your point is?

  My point is, we’re almost at twelve days before Christmas, and your flat is still doing a really good impression of Scrooge’s pad. And I don’t see a tree.

  God, he was like a dog with a bone. I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

  Bullshit. I jerked my head up at that and Mike folded his arms across his chest. He would have made more of an impression if his cock hadn’t been twitching with the hat still on it.

  I gave him a hard stare, forgetting that others would see me scowling at nothing at all. What do you want me to do about it? Do you suggest I go out now and buy one right this minute?

  Yeah, like you’re about to do that. Mike gave a gleeful smile. I have a better idea. I’m going to stay here and bug you until you do something positive about buying a tree. There was a mischievous sparkle in those eyes. And you know how well I can bug you.

  Oh God. I knew only too well. Then an idea struck me. I picked up my phone, scrolled through, and found Ollie’s number.

  He answered after the third ring. “Hey, is something wrong? We’re still meeting for a coffee tonight, are we?”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Mike’s grin.

  “Yeah, about that…”

  I couldn’t miss Ollie’s low groan of disappointment. “You’ve changed your mind. Damn it. I could’ve done with the distraction today. I just had to deal with a real bastard of a phone call.”

  “No,” I hastened to reassure him. “It’s just a change of plan. I’ve had a… visitor this morning, who says I need a Christmas tree.” Mike’s snort was clearly audible, but I ignored him and carried on. “What’s more, he’s not going to shut up until I do something about it.”

  Ollie laughed. “Oh, that could be annoying. So what’s your plan?”

  “How about we meet at the coffee shop as arranged after work, and then… you come with me and help me find a tree.”

  There was the briefest of pauses before he responded. “You need help to buy a Christmas tree?”

  I sighed. “The first time I bought a Christmas tree, I was with Mike. He always chose the tree. And… well… I just don’t want to do it on my own.” The words came out in a rush. I knew how they sounded. Thirty-five years old, and I needed someone to hold my hand while I bought a tree? God, I sounded pathetic.

  “I get it.”

  “You do?”

  “Sure. And it’s been a while since you bought a tree, hasn’t it? So you’ve kind of built this up into a mental monster. I can deal with that. I have a few mental monsters of my own.”

  Of course he did. He’d been dealing with grief, the same as I had. “You don’t have to say yes, you know.”

  “No, I like the idea,” he protested. “As long as I can get some chips when we’re done.”

  “Hey, if you’re going to do this, the least I can do is feed you. Even if that’s just fish and chips at my flat.”

  “My favourite. You’re on. Meet you at six as we planned?”

  I agreed and disconnected the call. Mike gave a nod of approval. That’s better. Now I’ll let you get on with your work.

  I rolled my eyes, and across the office, Janice called out, “Are you all right, Andy?”

  I assured her I was fine, then tried my hardest not to glare at Mike. Now look what you made me do. And let me get on with my work? How magnanimous of you.

  He grinned. Yeah, well, that’s me. And with that, he replaced his hat on his head, grabbed his dick, and waggled it at me. Bye for now. Cue familiar fadeout.

  I got up from my desk to pour myself a coffee, then steeled myself for an afternoon of putting my nose to the grindstone.

  Meeting Ollie was going to be my reward. What came as a surprise was how much I was looking forward to it.

  Ollie was already outside the coffee shop, his hands stuffed deep into his jacket pockets, shuffling to keep warm in the brisk chill wind. He smiled as I approached. “So where are we going for this tree?”

  “We’re catching the Tube to Clapham South, and then there’s about a twenty-minute walk to Garretts. It’s a florist that also sells Christmas trees. It’s where I usually get my tree.” Well, where I got the last one six years ago.

  Ollie regarded me thoughtfully. “Where you normally bought your tree… with Mike.”

  “Well, yes.” I frowned. “Is there a problem with that?”

  Ollie shrugged. “No, but… and this is only a suggestion… maybe you should consider buying your tree from a new location. New traditions, and all that.”

  He had a point. I was trying to make a break from the past, after all.

  Before I could say a word, Ollie had his phone out. “Where do you live?”

  “Alderbrook Road. It’s just around the corner from the Tube.”

  Ollie smiled. “Well, that’s easy. Mistletoe & Pine have a branch not far from the Tube station.” His eyes sparkled. “Ooh, they’re giving away free mulled wine.”

  I’d seen them before, of course, on the high street. There was nothing wrong with Ollie’s suggestion. In fact, it made perfect sense: the lot was closer to my flat than Garretts. “Okay then, let’s go.”

  We hurried towards the Tube station, both of us seemingly desperate to get out of the cold wind. As we stood on the escalator, heading down to the platform, Ollie turned to look at me. “This flat of yours, how high is the ceiling?”

  “It’s a ground floor flat in a converted Victorian building, so the ceilings are pretty high.”

  Ollie’s eyes widened. “Excellent. That means you can get a big tree.”

  I laughed. “Wait a minute. I remember your tale of buying a Christmas tree. We are not buying a tree that scrapes the ceiling. I like those mouldings just the way they are.”

  “You always go for the biggest tree you can get in the available space. That’s the rule.”

  I could see I was going to regret this.

  “No. No. And no.” I folded my arms, to further emphasize my words.

  Ollie sighed. “Okay then. What kind of tree do you usually go for?”

  I pointed to the trees that were about five feet tall. “About that height.”
r />   Ollie gaped at me. “In a room with a high ceiling? By the way, just how high are we talking?”

  “About twelve feet.”

  I swear Ollie’s gape widened. “That's sacrilegious, isn’t it? A piddling five-foot tree, in a twelve-foot high room?”

  I laughed. “Before you get carried away trying to talk me into this, can I just point out that I don’t have enough decorations to cover that monstrosity.” The tree he was indicating had to be at least ten feet in height. Except ‘monstrosity’ was hardly apt. I had to admit it was a beautiful shape, bushy and a glorious shade of green. It was quite the prettiest tree on the lot.

  Ollie rolled his eyes. “For God’s sake. Then you buy more.”

  I could feel myself weakening. I was only glad Mike wasn’t around. I had the feeling he’d be laughing his arse off. “Okay,” I said wearily. “We’ll go for that one.”

  Ollie beamed. “Excellent. I’ll get the guy to net it up, while you get your wallet out.”

  I had to laugh. “You’re very good at spending other people’s money.” Not that I minded. There was something very refreshing about Ollie.

  He grinned. “As a reward for stepping out of your comfort zone, dinner is on me. Just tell me you have a decent fish and chip shop near here.”

  I pointed up the street. “We passed it as we came out of the Tube station. Moxie’s.”

  “Then let’s get this to your place, and then we can come back for the fish and chips.” He looked around for one of the guys who was netting up the trees.

  It was only then that I realized I hadn’t been in this good a mood for a long time.

  Chapter Nine

  Ollie rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, those are good chips.”

  I laughed. “Whenever Mike passed that place late at night, just before they closed, he would stick his head through the door and yell ‘got any chips left?’ When they told him they did, he would reply ‘then you shouldn’t have made so many, should you?’” He could still hear Mike telling the story, still see his gleeful expression.