An Unlocked Mind Page 7

  Which is why you’re spending a hundred pounds you don’t have to go to London.

  He knew his inner voice wasn’t wrong. He didn’t really understand why he was doing this to himself. His stomach knotted at the thought of getting there and Vic not being home or, worse, turning him away. This was Rob’s chief worry, because Vic didn’t have to talk to him at all. In fact, if anything, he was the one who owed Vic an apology. A heartfelt one. His behavior had been beyond reprehensible. Rob had nothing against gay people. So why had he been so vicious before?

  Like you don’t know the answer to that question.

  Rob clamped down hard on his inner devil, determined to squash the voice that rode him. He was going to London to see Vic because he wanted to make things right. That was all.

  But still, the thought that he’d get to Vic’s place and be rejected? That gave Rob pause. True, Vic had been beyond nice to him last week, but Vic owed Rob nothing, not even the chance to apologize. He’d done what he had because he seemed like a genuinely good person. Far better than Rob, not that that was very difficult.

  Rob chewed his fingernail. This was a bad idea and he knew it. Hell, what if Vic has someone there? Or what if he’s gone out tonight? Then what? Rob would have wasted a lot of money for nothing. Shit, he wished he had Vic’s number. Maybe he could have called him to let him know he was thinking about stopping by.

  Stopping by? Rob snorted. Vic’s not exactly a next-door neighbor, is he? He lived a couple of hundred miles away, and Rob was spending more than two hours on a train to get there.

  Shit, this whole thing is insane. When he visited the club, it was him walking in to check out a group of strangers. This time? He was going to see one person. And somehow that made it even scarier.

  He tore the nail off one finger and began to bite the next as tension coiled in his stomach. I could go to Secrets. Maybe Vic’s there. But the thought of seeing him with someone soured that idea quickly. If Vic wasn’t home, then Rob would hit a bar or something. Maybe he could meet someone. At least that way the trip wouldn’t have been in vain. It would be an expensive trip to get laid, but it was better than turning around and going home.

  The loudspeaker crackled, and the conductor said they were approaching Watford. That was enough to get Rob’s arse into gear. He searched for Vic’s road, which turned out to be in Cheam in Surrey. Then he worked out the cheapest way to get there, which appeared to be by train from St. Pancras. It would only be a tenner, and he could manage that. Once he got off, he’d have to rely on Google Maps to get him to the right place.

  Rob swallowed down the panic that surged through him. Am I really going to do this? Drop by unannounced at the home of someone I’ve only met once? Who does those kinds of things?

  Apparently, Rob did.

  He reached into his wallet. There was enough money to get him to Vic’s and then back into London again. Anything else and he’d need a cash machine. Assuming, of course, that there was anything left in his account. Now that his bills had been paid, he doubted it.

  He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the roiling in his belly and that bloody voice telling him that he was about to fuck up really badly.

  VIC WAS mentally knackered and his body ached. He’d been holed up in a room for eight hours with the design team as they laid out plans to massively revamp the area around St. Peter’s Square, an area which had been sadly neglected in Manchester. At one time it had been the heart of the city, but now it was rundown. Vic’s job, along with the rest of the design team, was to redevelop the square, involving a big rethink of the entire square for transport, pedestrians, and businesses. Another week, maybe two, and they’d be done. He much preferred the outside jobs, because that way his body got a workout in addition to his mind. Right then, he wanted a shower to wash away the hours he’d spent trapped in that greenhouse of a meeting room. For some reason the heating had been on full blast, and the air conditioner wasn’t working. He could feel the places where his shirt clung to his body because of the sweating he’d done, and he felt… gross.

  He turned on the taps to get the water to temperature, then stripped off his clothes. A shower, a takeaway pizza from Carlotti’s, and then a night in front of the television until it’s time to go to bed. Perfect. Just the thought of stretching out and getting some rest was almost enough to make him forgo the shower and just drop onto his mattress.

  He was about to step into the shower when he thought he heard something at his door. The metallic snap of his letterbox assured him it wasn’t his imagination. Vic turned off the water, grabbed the fluffy tan robe from its hook, wrapped himself up in it, and stalked downstairs to the door. For the life of him, he couldn’t think who could be there. His friends would never turn up unannounced.

  Vic yanked open the door and came to a dead stop. It took a second for the kid’s name to register, and another to bite back the words that were right there on the tip of his tongue.

  What the fuck are you doing on my doorstep at almost nine o’clock at night?

  “Why are you here, Rob?” Vic asked by way of greeting.

  At least Rob had the decency to blush. “I was… uh… in the neighborhood. I thought maybe we could… I don’t know. Hang out or something.”

  Hang out? Vic studied the way Rob bit his lip. Then it dawned on him. He expects me to send him away. He’d come all the way from Manchester—for what reason, Vic couldn’t fathom as yet—and now there he stood on Vic’s doorstep.

  He leveled a hard stare at Rob. “Hmm. In the neighborhood. This must be some new use of the word that I haven’t previously encountered. I take it you came by train?” Cheam railway station was literally just around the corner from the house.

  Rob nodded, then dipped his chin. Vic was glad that he’d not gone with his initial reaction—Rob seemed more vulnerable now than he did the last time.

  “You know I’m still gay, right?” he said at last, mentally going over what to do next. Rob’s sudden appearance had thrown him a little.

  Rob shrugged. “I don’t care if you’re a—if you’re gay. You’re still a pretty cool guy.”

  Vic arched his eyebrows at the compliment. “Well, gee, thanks for that encouraging endorsement.”

  Rob hesitantly lifted his head, and Vic stared into blue eyes. “So, can I come in?”

  Vic had no clue where this was going, but he certainly wasn’t about to leave Rob on his doorstep, not when he was such a long way from home. He moved back and swept his arm in the direction of the house. “Come in. Mi casa and all that.”

  Rob stepped in, took his shoes off at the door, and made a beeline for the lounge. Vic followed him but paused in the doorway. Rob sat on the small two-seater couch beside the chimney breast, perched on the edge of the cushions. Vic walked in a leisurely manner across the room to sit on the larger couch facing him. He eyed the young man. Now that he had the time to take in his features, Vic found him to be not nearly as pretty boy as he had before. There was a hardness to him, but the way Rob’s gaze flickered around the room, the way he held himself, so still, so guarded, spoke of that vulnerability Vic had noticed. Rob reminded him of a hermit crab, hidden beneath a brittle shell, but if one looked carefully, they could see where tender bits were exposed.

  There’s more to you than meets the eye, isn’t there?

  When it became clear that Rob wasn’t about to speak, Vic surged ahead. “Rob, why are you really here?”

  A frown marred Rob’s features. “I just… I thought maybe, if you weren’t busy, we could spend some time together. If this is a bad time….” Rob lurched to his feet and moved toward the door. “Sorry if I bothered you.”

  Talk about skittish.

  “Stop.”

  Rob froze at the threshold, and Vic sighed.

  “I never said you were bothering me. I’m just curious as to why you’re here. You made your opinion of me pretty clear at the club. What was it you called me? Oh, yes. A poof. And just because I took pity on you that evening doesn
’t make us friends. You have a long way to go to before we get even remotely close to being friends.”

  Rob scuffed the carpet with a socked foot. “Would an apology help?” He lowered his gaze to the floor.

  That same vulnerability shone through like a beacon, more obvious than before. Rob hadn’t traveled several hours by train simply to hang out. He clearly wanted to show Vic he was wrong, maybe in an attempt to salvage something out of the mess he’d made when they first met.

  Vic was happy to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  “It might.”

  “Okay.” Rob glanced up, his eyes bright. “I’m sorry. I never should have called you what I did. It was wrong, and I apologize.”

  “Forgiven,” Vic replied. “Just don’t let it happen again.”

  Rob glanced at the couch and then out into the hallway where he’d left his shoes.

  Vic sighed. “Did you want to stay? I was about to order a pizza. You’re welcome to have some if you’d like.”

  An enthusiastic nod. “If it’s okay with you.”

  Vic could see how this was all going to play out. It was already after nine. There was no way Rob could get home tonight, so Vic would have to offer to let him stay again. Not that he had a problem with it. Rob had made a halfway decent breakfast companion, even if he didn’t say much.

  Vic knew the warning signs. Rob was going to be nothing but trouble, and Vic knew he shouldn’t get involved. But something called to him, a soul-deep ache that Vic could sense bubbling beneath the crusty exterior. He wanted to crack that shell and see what the true Rob was like.

  “Yes, it’s okay with me.”

  VIC WATCHED Rob out of the corner of his eye. After ordering the pizza, Vic had taken a quick shower and changed into something not so… grungy. When he returned to the lounge, Rob still sat where Vic had left him. In fact, Vic wondered if Rob had even twitched, the way he sat, back ramrod straight.

  When the pizza delivery arrived, Rob fidgeted, twisting his hands together. The amount of courage he’d shown by coming back here spoke volumes, at least as far as Vic was concerned. It would have been simpler for him to go back to Manchester and never set foot in Secrets again.

  But he didn’t go to Secrets. He came to see you.

  There had been one noticeable change since the last time Vic had seen him: there was no way he could miss the haircut. He smiled to himself when he realized Rob had likely gotten it because of the comment Vic had made the previous week. This solidified his belief that Rob was looking for something to cling to. Something real and solid.

  He might have sought me out, but if we’re going to make progress, it’s going to be at my pace, not his.

  “I like your haircut,” Vic said, putting slices of pizza on two plates. He pushed one across the dining table toward Rob, who stared at it.

  Rob reached up and brushed a hand over his closely cropped hair. “Thank you. I just thought it was time for a change, that’s all.”

  Vic worked hard to hide his smirk. While it was possible Rob was telling the truth, the timing seemed very coincidental. “Uh-huh.”

  Rob continued to look at his plate, longing plainly written on his face. Vic knew he wanted that pizza, but he appeared to be waiting for the okay before he dug in. Interesting.

  “We don’t sit on ceremony here,” Vic said, picking up a slice. “If you want some, help yourself.”

  Rob reached out with a shaky hand, but then drew it back, his gaze flickering once again as he peered at Vic. He bit his lip, hand brushing over his head again, and Vic got it. Rob was uncomfortable, maybe a little nervous, but he was definitely not afraid. That was a good thing as far as Vic was concerned.

  “Seriously, eat. I ordered the extra large, so there’s plenty here.”

  Rob glanced down at his plate, then back to Vic. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Vic took a bite and sighed with pleasure. When it comes to comfort food, there isn’t much that can beat pizza. “So what brings you here?”

  Rob shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I knew I owed you an apology, and thought I should come out and try to make amends.”

  It was a hell of a long way to come to apologize, but Vic wasn’t about to say that. “It’s appreciated.” Vic bit into the pizza again, and Rob snickered as a long string of cheese dropped down and lay across his chin and clean shirt. “Hey, no laughing,” Vic growled. Then he grinned. “All right, maybe it’s okay to chuckle. At least as long as you’re eating.”

  Rob picked up his slice of pizza. If the sounds issuing from his mouth were any indication, the first mouthful was a revelation. “Oh my God, this is good.”

  Vic beamed. He loved it when someone enjoyed a new experience with him. “I know, right? A friend of mine, Wayne, says it’s the best pizza by far. After having this, I’m not sure I want to test that theory.”

  After two slices, Rob reached for a third one. “This is really good. Thank you.”

  “You’re quite welcome.” Vic decided to go with the direct approach. “So, where are you spending the night?” he asked, his mouth full of pizza.

  From the horrified expression on Rob’s face, Vic surmised he hadn’t given it any thought. Vic shook his head. Headstrong, willful boy, you probably didn’t think that far in advance, did you? He’d obviously decided to come to London on a whim, never even considering anything past that point.

  “I… don’t know,” Rob whispered. He hunched over, drawing in on himself. He pushed his plate away. “Sorry, I’m not hungry.”

  “You took it, you eat it,” Vic said, keeping his tone neutral. “Then after, you’re welcome to use the guest room again.”

  Rob’s head popped up, his eyes wide. “Really?”

  Yeah, Vic’s initial hunch had been on the money. “Did you really think I’d put you out?”

  “Well, no, but—”

  Vic shook his head. “No buts. I wouldn’t do that to you. Or to anyone.”

  Rob took a deep breath. “Thank you,” he said softly.

  “You’re welcome. Now shut up and eat your pizza.”

  Vic chuckled when Rob once again grabbed his slice. Between the two of them, they’d nearly polished off the whole thing. There were only two slices left, which Vic decided he’d pack for Rob to take on the train with him.

  Vic stood and stretched. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to be poor company tonight. It was a long day at work, and I’m shattered. You remember where the room is, yeah?”

  “Yes,” Rob said, his voice quiet. “Are you sure this is okay?”

  Vic made a last-minute decision and reached out to touch Rob’s shoulder. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Rob made no move to push him away. Rob turned his gaze toward Vic.

  “Rob, if I tell you something, you can take it as my personal guarantee. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. The room is yours. I’ve got to work in the afternoon, but if you’re not in a hurry to get to the train, I could take you to lunch. I know this place near Waterloo that serves some fantastic gourmet burgers, if you like that.”

  Rob reared back. “Lunch?”

  “Yeah, lunch. You know, the meal we eat in the afternoon? I’m guessing you’ve probably had it before.” Vic couldn’t keep the note of sarcasm from his voice.

  “No—I mean, yes. I mean… shit. You’d take me to eat with you?”

  The look on Rob’s face could have melted the hardest heart. So full of hope that no decent person would’ve had the desire to dash it. “You’re a guest in my house. And yes, I would take you to eat with me. If you want to, that is.”

  Rob nodded enthusiastically. “Sure. That would be great. Only….” His face fell. He pulled out his wallet and looked inside. “I don’t have much money with me.”

  “That’s not a problem. It’ll be my treat.”

  His expression was worth a free meal. Surprise, disbelief. Oh, Rob. What are you hiding from me? No one I know thinks lunch is such a big deal.

  “So what
do you say?”

  Rob’s grin told him everything. “Do they serve milkshakes?”

  Vic cuffed him lightly on the ear. “Yeah, brat, they do.” He covered his mouth when he yawned. “Okay, I need to clear the dishes, then get some sleep. Do you need something to sleep in?”

  Rob shook his head. “I’m fine.”

  “See you in the morning, then?”

  “Okay,” Rob replied, barely stifling his own yawn. “I think I’ll go get some sleep too.”

  He got up from the table and shuffled toward the stairs. Though Vic could tell he was exhausted, Rob still carried himself confidently. He wanted to stop Rob and let him know that it was okay to let go for a while, but Vic was determined to let this play out. Maybe it was as simple as Rob said and he’d merely wanted to come apologize.

  “I guess we’ll have to see,” Vic whispered, as Rob ascended the stairs.

  Chapter Eight

  ROB STRIPPED down to his shorts and climbed into bed. Where the mattress in his flat had boulder-like lumps, this one allowed him to nestle in. He pulled the covers around himself and sighed at the luxurious feel of the duvet. Being cradled in its warmth was the next best thing to heaven.

  His thoughts drifted to Vic. He was a constant surprise. He seemed genuinely concerned when Rob showed up, and when he said it was okay for Rob to come in? Rob wasn’t sure he would have been as forgiving.

  Then why did you make the trip? Why take a chance that he’d tell you to sod off?

  Vic didn’t seem like that kind of guy. He’d been nothing but sincere, as far as Rob could tell. True, they didn’t know each other very well, but Rob really felt comfortable with him.

  Sometimes those who deserve it the least need it the most.