My Christmas Spirit Read online

  Ollie widened his eyes. “That’s it. That’s exactly how it made me feel. It just felt… wrong, when he’d only been gone three years.”

  I smiled. “Three years, six years… grief doesn’t come with an expiry date. The heart takes as much time as it takes. I don’t think grief ever goes away, but it… mutates into a form that we can deal with.” I patted his knee, trying not to upset his plate. “Like memories that warm us, instead of cutting through us.”

  Ollie nodded slowly. “Maybe that’s why I find it so easy to talk to you. Because you truly understand.” Then he went back to finishing his dinner, and for a while neither of us spoke.

  Once the plates were safely placed inside the dishwasher, we got to work. I put on some music in the background, and heated up some of the mulled wine. Now and again, I glanced at Ollie, only to find him staring at me too. Then he’d hurriedly look away and get back to his task. Moments later, I stole another glance, smiling at the way his hair fell forward over his eyes, the way he bit his lip when he was concentrating, the curve of his long eyelashes on his cheek. When Ollie raised his head to meet my gaze, I got back to the job in hand.

  We spent an hour carefully painting, cutting, and filling, until at the end, there were thirty baubles ready for the tree, twenty-four ceramic bells, and decorations made from gold painted pinecones hanging from gold ribbon.

  Ollie looked at the box on the floor next to the tree, then at the work we’d just accomplished. “It’s not going to look overburdened, I can tell you that.”

  “There’ll be enough,” I assured him. I sniffed the air. “I can already smell it.” In the last two days, the tree had opened up in the warmth of the flat, and that glorious aroma of pine was everywhere.

  Our first task was the lights. We started at the top, and at Ollie’s insistence, we trailed them around the tree, not placing them carefully but simply filling up the space. I’d followed his advice and had come away from B&Q with two boxes of 240 warm white lights. Ollie’s eyes sparkled with approval when he saw them. The combination of the new lights and the original set meant there were plenty to go around.

  When the three sets of lights were all in place, Ollie placed the plugs in the sockets of the extension lead.

  “Now we switch them on, and stand back,” Ollie said decisively. “That way, you can see where there are gaps and where you need to move them. This way is much easier than meticulously placing them where you think they should be. Just throw them on willy-nilly and then arrange them.”

  “I’m learning something new every day with you,” I commented. I gave him a nod. “Okay, put them on.” Ollie flicked the switches and I caught my breath. “Oh wow,” I said softly.

  The lights lit up the room, reflecting on glass surfaces and painted walls and giving off a warm glow.

  Ollie smiled. “Not bad.” He got onto the stepladders and began nudging lights into obvious gaps, working his way down the tree. Rather than get in his way, I let him do it, watching his progress from afar. By the time he’d finished and had stepped back to survey his handiwork, the tree looked perfect as it was.

  “I don’t know about you, but I always leave the lights on when I start to hang the baubles.”

  Ollie nodded in agreement. He glanced into the decorations box. “Some of these will really catch the lights.”

  It took us another hour before the box and tabletop were empty, and everything was in place. I had to admit, the flat had never seen such a beautiful tree.

  “My mom used to take white cotton wool, tease it out, and put it on the branches like snow.” Ollie smiled wistfully.

  “That sounds lovely.” There was such love in his voice, and my throat tightened to hear it.

  He glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece. “I realize it’s late, but you know what? I don’t want to go, because that will mean the evening has come to an end.”

  I understood that feeling all too well. The evening had flown by, and I didn’t want him to leave either.

  “I can’t remember the last time I had such a good time.”

  His words echoed my own thoughts. “Think of it this way. You have to go home, so that we can meet up tomorrow and go skating.” The idea that I would get to spend more time with him was very pleasant indeed.

  Ollie nodded. “I’ve been looking forward to that all week.”

  It was only then that I realized I’d been doing the same.

  Ollie put on his boots, then slipped on his jacket. He wrapped his scarf around his neck. “Time to brave the chill night air.”

  I walked him to the front door, pausing before I opened it. “Eleven o’clock, by the bandstand, in Hyde Park.”

  “I'll be there.” Ollie peered over my shoulder and called out, “Goodnight, Mike.”

  I stared at him in surprise. “Is he there? Can you see him?”

  Ollie laughed. “No, I can’t see him, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t there. I’m just going on the assumption that he’s hanging around somewhere.” He shook his head. “I’m saying goodnight to a ghost.”

  “Thank you again. The baubles were a wonderful idea. I had so much fun, decorating the tree with you.”

  Ollie stilled. “I'm glad,” he said softly. “I did too.”

  I waited until he was no longer in sight before closing the door. I walked slowly into the living room, where I sat on the floor gazing up at the tree.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  I wasn’t surprised to hear his voice. “It is, isn’t it?”

  A comfortable silence ensued, and I was sure he’d gone. Then Mike said quietly, “He’s a nice guy, isn’t he?”

  I turned my head to look at him. Mike regarded me steadily, his face calm.

  “Yes, he is.”

  Mike titled his head to one side. “You like him, don’t you?” I hesitated, unsure of how to respond, and Mike smiled. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to say a word. I see what’s in your heart. And there’s nothing wrong with liking him.”

  I breathed easy. “Yes, I like him.” Ollie was attractive and funny, quick and intelligent. I might have only met him one short week ago, but it felt longer.

  What came as a shock was the fact that it didn’t seem wrong to confess to Mike that I was feeling the beginnings of attraction.

  Then I realized Mike probably knew that already.

  “Go to sleep. It’s late, and you’ve got an adventure planned for tomorrow.” Mike chuckled. “This I have to see.” Then he was gone.

  Apparently, we were going to have a ghostly spectator.

  Not for the first time, I considered stuffing some kind of padding down the back of my jeans. Anything to cushion the blow of landing heavily on the ice.

  You’ll be fine, sweetheart. And I promise not to laugh. Well… not much.

  “You’re not helping!”

  Chapter Eleven

  Saturday. Eleven days to Christmas

  Hyde Park Corner looked amazing. The bandstand had a giant Christmas tree at its centre, and strings of lights covered the rink. I imagined they’d look magical at night. The rink was already filling up, with people of all ages, shapes and sizes: families, couples, individuals, and all seeming to be enjoying the experience.

  I winced when one girl landed heavily on her backside. “Are we sure about this?” Granted, there were a couple of guys out there who had to be professionals: no amateur could have that much grace and skill. They whirled around in pirouettes, making it look so freaking easy.

  Okay. Ignore them. Focus on the others. They’re more your league.

  I sighed inwardly. You promised.

  Mike glided into view, grinning. I promised not to laugh—much—remember? I didn’t say anything about staying away.

  I glanced down at his feet. They have skates where you are?

  Mike blinked. Of course. They have everything.

  “You’ve gone quiet,” Ollie said beside me, giving me a nudge with his elbow. “Either you’re contemplating how much effort it’s go
nna take to stay upright, or…” He shivered. “We’ve got company.” He peered at me. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

  He’s good.

  I glared at Mike, and Ollie laughed. “Well, at least I know where he is.”

  “Oh, he’s here, all right. With skates on. Literally.”

  Ollie stared at me, before bursting into laughter. “I’m sorry. I’m just picturing a naked guy, wearing ice skates.” He bit his lip. “Does the… er… cold affect him much?” His eyes twinkled.

  “Not as far as I can tell,” I murmured, glancing down to where Mike’s dick was poking up at me.

  I’m here for practical reasons. Mike folded his arms. I’m going to give you an ice-skating lesson.

  “You can skate?” It was only then I realized I’d spoken aloud.

  Ollie chuckled. “This gets better.”

  “You have no idea. He wants to teach us to skate.”

  “Well, come on then. Let’s get on the ice.” When I gaped at him, Ollie shrugged. “So what if a naked ghost wants to give us lessons? Don’t look a gift horse—or a gift ghost, as the case may be—in the mouth, I always say.” He grinned.

  Oh, I really like him.

  Before I could tell Mike what he could do with his lessons, Ollie tugged me by the arm toward the hut containing the skates for hire.

  It looked like we were doing this.

  Fifteen minutes later, my skates firmly laced up, we made our way onto the ice.

  Grab onto the rail for balance until you get used to the feel of the ice. Mike nodded toward Ollie. And you need to relay everything I tell you.

  I sighed and repeated his instructions. Ollie rolled his eyes. “Duh. I may not let go of it the whole time we’re out here.” Just then, a little girl skated past us, laughing and talking loudly with her accompanying adult. Ollie shook his head. “Okay, that does it. If she can do this, so can we. What’s the next step?”

  Feet not too far apart. Arms out for balance. And when you move, try to wobble like a penguin.

  I snorted. “Wobble like a penguin?” Ollie snickered.

  Mike held up his hands defensively. Hey, that’s what the guy who taught me said. He was a Swede who was pretty nifty on the ice. And keep your knees bent and stay low. It makes it easier to keep your balance.

  It wasn’t long before we were both moving with a little less hesitancy. Mike taught us how to stand so we didn’t fall over, and gradually we were able to shuffle our way around the rink. We weren’t the only newbies, and to be fair, Mike was a much better teacher than some of the people I saw out there. I started to relax, and little by little my confidence grew.

  “This is fun,” Ollie said as he skated past, pushing his feet out to the sides as Mike had instructed. I had to agree. In fact, I hadn’t had this much fun in—

  Exactly. You needed this.

  I couldn’t see Mike, but that didn’t matter. Did I ask you to look inside my head?

  No, but I looked anyway. And I’m right, aren’t I? You just needed a push to get you going. Then Mike skated into view, one leg stuck out behind him, his arms curving above his head like some figure skater. He would have looked thoroughly professional, if it hadn’t been for his cock jutting out, pointing the way.

  You really need to keep that thing under control. It could cause accide—

  Whump. I crashed into a solid body, and both of us tumbled onto the ice. It took me a second or two to realize I’d skated into Ollie. “Oh God.” I tried to get up, but my feet kept slipping from under me. He was doing the same and getting nowhere. Finally, he gave up and lay on his back on the ice, looking up at me and laughing his arse off.

  “I’m reminded of a Tom & Jerry cartoon, where Tom tries to get up off the ice.” Ollie cackled. “At least I know what we look like.”

  It didn’t take long till I was laughing too. When I’d gotten control of myself, I gazed into his blue eyes and smiled. “Thank you for coming up with this.” Then without thinking, I leaned over and gave him a peck on the lips.

  Ollie stared at me for a moment, and I realized what I’d done. By now, a group of people had skated over to rescue us, and soon we were upright again, thanking them. We brushed the dusting of ice off our clothes, and Ollie shivered.

  “There’s a stall over there, selling glühwein. I could do with something to warm me up.”

  I got it. We weren’t going to talk about it. “Sure. Let’s get rid of the skates.”

  A short time later, we were sipping hot glühwein and watching all those people who managed to skate without falling over. Ollie had gone quiet, and I was kicking myself. It had been an impulse, nothing more, but apparently Ollie considered it a step too far.

  Way to go to ruin the day. I was such an idiot. And then I realized Mike wasn’t around. Heaven knew what he made of my impulse. For God’s sake, it was just a peck.

  “Have you seen what’s over there?”

  Ollie’s question broke through my self-recrimination, and I jerked my head in his direction. “Sorry?”

  He pointed off to the left. “There’s a funfair. Actually, it’s a bit more than that. Winter Wonderland. They’ve run it for the past few years.”

  I sighed. “I can’t remember the last time I went to a theme park. Maybe when I was a kid.”

  Ollie gaped. “Seriously?” He narrowed his gaze. “Okay. Is there anything urgent you have to do today?”

  I considered the question, grateful for a return to his previous mood. “Nothing that couldn’t wait until tomorrow, I suppose.”

  “Great. In that case, you’re going to spend the rest of the day with me in Winter Wonderland.” Ollie gave me a determined stare. “And you’re gonna have fun.”

  I chuckled. “Yes, sir.” Then my stomach rumbled. “Except… can we start having fun after we’ve eaten something?”

  “There’s a burger van over there. Will that do?” When my stomach gave another loud growl, Ollie laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Yeah, great idea. Eat a burger, then throw it up all over him on a roller coaster. Mike stood next to Ollie, rolling his eyes.

  He had a point.

  “What else is there apart from rides?” I asked. “We could have a walk round before we hit the rides. You know, give our stomachs time to digest lunch.” There was less risk of throwing up that way. I glared at Mike. They don’t allow ghosts on rides. It’s the law. I read it somewhere.

  Mike snorted. Nice try.

  “The usual. Stalls where you can try to win something big and fluffy that you then have to carry around the park.” He chuckled. “Not that I’ve ever won so much as a sausage.”

  He’s got a thing for meat, hasn’t he? Salami, sausage…

  I deliberately ignored Mike. “Then we’ll have to see what we can do about that.” I was glad to see him slightly more comfortable with me, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that.

  Ollie snorted. “Those stalls are rigged. I’ll probably win a plastic inflatable sword or something like that.”

  That did it. I was going to win something big and fluffy for Ollie if it killed me. Then a wicked thought occurred to me. Hey, Mike? I don’t suppose you could do something for me….

  Well, why not? If he was going to be there anyway… All he’d need to do was knock something over, or make sure a dart hit its target. Child’s play for a ghost.

  Except Mike was conspicuously absent.

  Now he decides to disappear?

  Ollie broke off a piece of the chocolate heart he’d just bought, and handed it to me. “Okay. Best ride so far?”

  I considered the question as the chocolate melted in my mouth. “The Wilde Maus was fun.”

  He nodded. “One of the better roller coasters.”

  I’d soon learned that Ollie was a connoisseur when it came to such rides. He’d dismissed one roller coaster with disdain, pointing out that it had too few dips and not enough turns. “The loops were amazing though, weren’t they?” Even if going upside-down had made my stomach churn.
>
  Ollie grinned. “I love that ride.” His eyes glittered. “And I know you loved the Snow Jet and Action.”

  Yeah. I swear your face lost all colour when you were on those. Mike gave me an evil grin, before pouting at the sight of the chocolate. Huh. I’m not going to stand here and watch you stuff your face with chocolate. And with that, he faded from view.

  I groaned. The circular rides had been similar, both of them starting out gently but soon increasing in speed. “I think I’ve discovered something about myself. I’m not a fan of going around and around, especially when it’s fast.”

  Ollie gazed at me thoughtfully. “Well, there was one more ride I was going to suggest.” He pointed to the Ferris Wheel. “Okay, so it goes around and around, but it’s gentle. And we’d get some amazing views from the top.”

  I could cope with that. Besides, the lights of the funfair would look spectacular against the darkening sky. “You’re on.” It had been a great day. I hadn’t managed to win Ollie anything, but there was still time before we left the park.

  I hadn’t laughed so much in ages. I checked my phone. We’d spent almost five hours in the park, but it seemed like no time at all. Strolling around, checking out all the rides, screaming on the ghost train when a skeleton lurched toward us with a chainsaw… Of course, the best thing had been the company. I was glad to find we were a comfortable fit, even after that one blip.

  A blip he still hadn’t mentioned, so neither did I. Mike was still silent about it too.

  We handed over our tokens and climbed into the carriage, the only two people in it. I smiled. “I remember when a Ferris wheel comprised seats open to the elements.” We were surrounded by clear plastic walls, resembling a cable car, although there were gaps through which we could carefully hold out phones to take photos of the ground as it disappeared from beneath us.

  “This is better. Less chance of getting wet when it rains.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Rain. In London. As if.” We both laughed.