Watch and Learn Page 7

  Zac nodded, his throat tight. “You know what? I think I need some air. I’ll be back in a sec.” And without waiting for Chris to respond, he walked into the house, over to the hook where the slave had hung their coats, grabbed his, and headed out the door into the chill night air.

  He didn’t need air. He needed to think, and he couldn’t do that with Chris next to him.

  Because Chris was the one confusing him all to hell.

  “You need to talk.”

  Zac’s feet crunched on the gravel as he walked over to the low wall that overlooked the pond. He wrapped his coat around him and sat on it, staring out at the moonlit water, its surface marred by ripples that spread out across it.

  He knew exactly what had brought an abrupt end to his pleasurable evening—Simon. Not that Zac had anything against him personally—Simon seemed like an okay guy, based on that brief encounter—but there had been the implication that Chris had a whole other sex life that Zac knew nothing about.

  As to why this should burn him…

  The door opened and a burst of music drifted out into the night. Zac tensed, expecting Chris to join him.

  Zac wasn’t ready to talk to Chris.

  “Hey. Can I join you?” It was Jake, bundled up in a thick coat, and carrying a packet of cigarettes.

  “Sure. It’s your wall,” Zac joked. Jake sat beside him and offered the open packet. Zac shook his head. “I don’t, thanks, but you go ahead.”

  Jake lit up and took a long drag. He exhaled, staring out over the moonlit pond. “I feel wrung out.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  Jake chuckled. “I had no idea Matt had planned that.” He turned his head to look at Zac. “Did it make for a good show?”

  Zac let out a long breath. “It was… mind-blowing. You must be sore.”

  Jake laughed. “There’ll be a long, hot soak in the tub before bed for me. That’ll help. But yeah, my ass is gonna be out of action for a day or two.” He frowned. “Now can I ask what you’re doing out here in the cold? And why you’re not in there with Chris.”

  “I just needed some alone time, that’s all.”

  Jake stilled. “And I’m disturbing you. I’ll leave you to your—”

  “No, don’t go!” The plea came out more forcefully that Zac had intended.

  Jake swung one leg over to straddle the wall, facing Zac. “I take it alone time means time without Chris.” He cocked his head as he took another drag. “Wanna talk about it?”

  Zac shrugged. “I hardly know you.”

  “And yet you sat in my bedroom, watching me get fucked by six guys.”

  “When you put it like that…” Zac took a deep breath and started at the beginning: meeting Chris in the bar, that first club, the subsequent events… He told Jake about his birthday night, and Chris accepting the invitation. “That was when things changed.”

  Jake nodded. “So you didn’t like watching him fucking with them? Is that it?”

  “No, that’s not it. Watching him was… hot as fuck. It really was. I think I started feeling uncomfortable when Chris told them he was on PrEP.”

  “Didn’t you know?”

  “Yes! That’s what so weird. He told me, right before we went to my first sex party.”

  “Then what’s wrong?” Jake gestured toward the house. “Virtually all the guys in there are on it. I’m on it. So is Matt.”

  Zac thought about it. “I think what it comes down to is… he’s on PrEP because he’s sexually active.”

  “And there’s something wrong with that?” Jake took another drag and flung out his arm. “There’s this little thing lurking out there that you might have heard of. It’s called HIV. Now, I don’t mean to trivialize it, but if Chris is taking precautions, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? He’s taking care of you.”

  “He’s not fucking me!” Zac retorted, louder than he’d wanted to.

  Jake nodded slowly. “But he’s screwing other guys… and that bothers you.”

  “I don’t know if he’s fooling around with other guys,” Zac said helplessly.

  Jake stubbed out his butt on the ground. “Okay, let’s see if I’ve got this. You two are friends.”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re not in a relationship, but you get off watching guys getting off, with blowjobs and hand jobs thrown in.”

  “Yes.”

  Jake’s eyes locked on his. “You agreed to be exclusive.”

  “What?”

  “You agreed to not see other guys while you’re friends.”

  “Well… no.”

  Jake was so still. “Sounds to me like something has changed. Do you want him to be more than a friend?”

  “He doesn’t want that.”

  “How do you know? Have you even asked him?” When Zac’s mouth fell open, Jake raised his eyes heavenward. “Christ. Typical guy. Do you know how long it’s taken me to train Matt to talk to me when he’s got something on his mind? He used to shut himself off, shut me out, not tell me what was wrong… And all the time, we could’ve been spared all that heartache and angst if he’d just sat me down and talked to me. Why are guys so freaking lousy at communication?” He speared Zac with an intense gaze. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you ducking the question. I asked if you want him to be more than a friend, and you told me how he wouldn’t want that.”

  “Okay, okay, so I do want that.” Zac sighed. “You’re saying I should just tell him what I’m feeling?”

  “Duh.” Jake removed another cigarette and lit it. “Okay. You need to talk to Chris. You need to tell him your feelings have changed—” He paused. “You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

  Zac stared at him. “I…”

  Jake smiled. “I hate to tell you this, but eating together? Movies together? Sexy dates together to watch guys fuck? That’s a relationship. And if you’ve developed feelings for him, Chris needs to know that. And then you both have decide on some really important stuff.”

  “Such as what?” Zac’s head was still spinning from the idea that a relationship had sort of snuck up on them—and they hadn’t noticed. Talk about being blind…

  “You both need to be very clear about what you want out of this. Specifically, monogamy or… something more open.”

  Zac swallowed. “Can I ask you something? How do you do it? The open relationship part…”

  Jake exhaled. “I love Matt. He loves me. We enjoy playing with other guys and it works out very well. Some of those men in the house come here on a regular basis, because they… enrich what we have. They fill in the gaps.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Jake smiled. “Matt likes to be fisted now and again. Now, I love him heart, body and soul, but I can’t do that for him. But our friend Mike? Fuck, he loves it.” Jake grinned. “He’s been using Matt as a hand puppet for years.”

  Zac burst into laughter. “Oh my God. Now I can’t unsee that.”

  Jake chuckled. “I know, right?”

  “What about you? Are there things Matt can’t provide?”

  Jake nodded. “I like taking two dicks. And now and then I love being the play toy of a group of men.”

  “Matt doesn’t mind?” Zac recalled the way Matt had watched the proceedings, so focused on Jake.

  Jake laughed. “Mind? He thinks it’s hot. It’s a win-win. He gets to watch me have a good time and get a sore ass. I get to listen to the noises he makes when Mike’s got most of his arm wedged in Matt’s rectum. And when it’s over, I’m the one who holds him.”

  “Like he held you tonight.”

  Jake nodded. “Which brings us to you.”

  “What about me?”

  “You don’t like anal. Nothing wrong with that. Chris does, however. That gives you two options. One, you can suggest you become exclusive, if he feels he can do without the anal part. Or two, you both acknowledge the obvious—you are way more than just friends, but you’re okay with bringing others into the relationship to provide what you can’t.�
�� Another tilt of his head. “Is there something you need that Chris can’t provide?” Jake’s eyes glittered in the moonlight. “Some deep, dark need you haven’t even dared mention because you think he’d say no?”

  Zac chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint you, but no. I… I just want him to be happy.”

  “But you need to be happy too,” Jake remonstrated. “You both need to sit down, talk things through, and come up with a way that works for you.”

  Zac bit his lip. “There is something…”

  Jake grinned. “I knew it.”

  “But it’s not like that. When I was watching him with Nate and Alex… Nate was rimming him, and Chris said something about making a guy come with just his tongue in the guy’s ass. I… I want that. And…”

  “Go on, spill. You’ve gotten this far.”

  “Frotting,” Zac said quickly. “I’ve seen it online, but I’ve never experienced it.”

  “Why haven’t you told Chris?”

  “Because it felt too… intimate.” A step beyond blowjobs and hand jobs that Zac wasn’t prepared to ask for.

  Jake sighed. “You know the cottage you stayed in last time? It’s yours for tonight. Go there. I’ll send Chris to you. Because there’s no time like the present.” He leaned in and kissed Zac’s cheek. “And I hope it works out.” He got to his feet. “And now that my ass is numb, I’m going inside for that bath. With any luck, Matt will be joining me.” He grinned. “Thankfully the tub will only take two, so I’ll have him all to myself. Our guests will take care of themselves. They usually do.” He patted Zac’s cheek. “Do me a favor? Whatever happens with Chris, will you stay in touch? I’d really like to know you better. You’re a sweet guy.”

  “I’d like that too.”

  Jake gestured to the golf buggy that was parked near the garage. “Take that up to the cottage. The key’s in the ignition. Yes, I know it’s not far, but it’s dark and there could be creatures lurking in the forest.”

  “Won’t Chris need it too?”

  Jake snorted. “Chris is big enough to take care of himself.” And with that, he went into the house.

  Zac went over to the buggy and headed toward the cottage, his mind going over the conversation.

  I guess I need to be clear about what I want.

  God, he hoped he and Chris were on the same page.

  ***

  Chris glanced toward the front door. I should go find him. His stomach had been in knots ever since Zac had walked out of the house. Chris was in no doubt that Zac didn’t need air, but he clearly needed some space, and Chris respected that.

  It didn’t stop him from wondering what the fuck was going on, however.

  Matt stepped out onto the back porch. “Where’s your other half? And why do you look like someone’s just drowned your puppy?” He wore a bathrobe, his feet bare.

  Chris blinked. “That bad?”

  Matt sat beside him on the couch. “You don’t appear to be having fun, that’s for damn sure.”

  Chris sighed. “No, I’m not.”

  Matt patted his knee. “Okay. Tell your Uncle Matt all about it.”

  Despite his overtaxed brain, Chris guffawed. “Uncle Matt? Do I have to remind you of our history? Because that makes you being an uncle kind of incestuous.”

  Matt laughed. “Okay. Tell your friend what’s worrying you.”

  “I think Zac is having second thoughts.”

  “About what?”

  “Doing what we do. The clubs. The parties. Getting off together.”

  Matt shrugged. “Didn’t seem that way to me, but then again, I don’t know him as well as you do.” He peered closely at Chris. “Maybe Zac’s not the only one having second thoughts.”

  Chris stiffened. “What do you mean?”

  “This friends-with-benefits arrangement you two have. Is that all it is? Or has something changed?” His eyes widened. “Or do you want it to change? That’s it, isn’t it?”

  Chris let out a sigh. “When we started out, I was so sure of myself. I didn’t do relationships. I told Zac the night we met that there were no boyfriends, no partners, that all I was interested in was a good time.”

  “And now?”

  “Now?” Chris leaned forward, hands clasped between his knees. “Now I look forward to seeing him. I plan a dinner for us, making sure to cook him something I know he’ll love. I love it when we go to the movies, but what I’ve realized lately is that the best part is sitting there in the dark, so close to him that I can smell his cologne. I love watching him come.”

  Matt let out a wry chuckle. “For a man who doesn’t do relationships, you’re doing an awfully good act of being in one.”

  “But it was so simple when we started!”

  Matt nodded. “And now, as it says on my Facebook profile, it’s complicated. Have you told Zac any of this?”

  “No. I didn’t know how to bring it up.” Except that was a lie. He didn’t want to hear Zac tell him he’d had enough. That he regretted their…

  Chris stilled. “Oh my God. You’re right. I’m in a relationship.”

  Matt laughed. “At last, a breakthrough.” He put his hand on Chris’s back. “Shall I tell you what being with Jake has taught me? The secret to our enduring love affair?”

  Chris chuckled. “Do I want to hear this?”

  “Maybe not want, but you need to hear it. We talk. We talk about everything. No secrets—well, we still have some, but those are things like surprises and presents. If something bothers either one of us, we talk it through.” Matt shook his head. “He’s better at it than I am, but he says I’m improving.” He smiled. “See? You can teach an old dog new tricks. And now, old dog, you need to go find that man of yours, and talk to him. Be honest about how you feel.”

  “You may find he surprises you,” Jake said as he joined them, removing a coat. “You’ll find him up at the cottage.” He grinned. “We don’t want to see you until breakfast.”

  “Call us if you need anything,” Matt added.

  All Chris needed right then was Zac.

  “Can we talk?

  Chris pushed open the cottage door and stepped into the warm interior. “You in here?”

  Zac’s chuckle came from the bedroom. “No. This is a recording.”

  The door was open, so Chris entered the room. Zac sat on the bed, propped up by pillows, legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles.

  “Hey. Jake said I’d find you here.”

  Zac nodded. “Could you get me a glass of water from the kitchen?”

  “Sure.” Chris went into the small kitchen area and found a couple of glasses. He filled them and took them through to the bedroom. He placed them on the nightstand, then sat on the edge of the bed. He watched as Zac took a long drink, but as soon as he’d replaced the glass, Chris couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Can we talk?” The words came out simultaneously, and they laughed.

  “You go first,” Chris suggested.

  “No, you can.” Chris gave him a mock glare, and Zac nodded quickly. “Okay, I’ll go first.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. There’s something I should have said before now, only I didn’t know how to begin. And I didn’t know how you’d take it.”

  Chris sighed. “What went wrong?”

  Zac blinked. “You felt that too, huh?”

  “I knew there was something. But when I asked and you said everything was fine… I should’ve pushed.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t,” Zac confessed. “Because it took me until just a short while ago to realize exactly what was niggling me.”

  “Then tell me.” Chris reached for Zac’s hand, and Zac gave it. “I need to hear it, whatever it is.”

  Zac swallowed hard. “When we first met, you told me you were on PrEP, remember?” Chris nodded. “And that was fine,” Zac continued. “Until you mentioned it again that night of my birthday. When you were with Nate and Alex.” He paused. “Then I had a problem with it.”

  Something rolled ove
r in Chris’s stomach. “You were jealous? But… why? We never said we were exclusive.”

  “I know!” Zac’s eyes were wide. “Watching you fuck Alex wasn’t the problem—that was hot, and I fucking loved it. No, what started off this whole mess in my head was…. How do I put this?” Another deep breath. “You fucking guys while I’m there? No problem. But you fucking guys that I don’t know about? That’s a whole different story.” Before Chris could tell him how wrong he was, Zac blurted out, “Thinking that you’re fucking someone without me? That would eat me alive. I know I can’t give you what those guys could. And I know you’d never ask me to. But…” He shuddered. “What it all boils down to is, I don’t mind if you fuck someone, as long as I’m there. And I know it sounds illogical, but I can’t help it. That’s just the way I feel.” He bowed his head.

  “Zac,” Chris said softly. When Zac didn’t respond, Chris gently lifted his chin with his fingers, and looked him in the eye. “Zac. That night with Alex and Nate… That was the first time in a while that I’d been with anyone.”

  “What’s a while?”

  Chris chuckled. “Try four months.”

  Zac froze. “Really? Why?”

  “You’ll laugh.”

  “Try me.”

  “It felt wrong… because you weren’t there.” When Zac gaped at him, Chris nodded. “I know. It didn’t make any sense to me either. We weren’t dating. We weren’t even fucking. But it felt like doing that would hurt you… and I didn’t want to do that.” The tightness in his chest eased, and that flutter in his belly subsided.

  “Are we saying… we’re in a relationship?” Zac asked quietly.

  Chris laughed. “I think we already were. We just hadn’t noticed.”

  Zac’s eyes sparkled. “Is this where you kiss me?”

  Chris curved his hand around Zac’s cheek. “No, this is where I tell you how much you’ve come to mean to me. How much I love having you in my life. How much I love what we have together.” He smiled. “Then I kiss you.” He leaned in and took Zac’s mouth in a gentle kiss, sighing as Zac scootched closer and locked his arms around Chris’s neck, deepening the kiss.