Endings and Beginnings Read online

  JJ snorted. “Doesn’t sound like much of a punishment.”

  “It wasn’t, to be honest. But what hurt the most was the look on his face when I realized how I’d disappointed him. I never wanted to be the cause of that again.” Peter’s shoulders sagged briefly.

  “But you said the sub has the power.”

  He nodded. “If I had given Sir my safeword, we would have discussed the punishment. I still would have received one, but we’d have talked about it until I understood why he was doing it.”

  Damn. Even in punishment, it’s still about the connection they share.

  “Scott said you did a scene tonight, right?”

  Peter beamed. “Yes. For a long time, I didn’t come to the club. I stayed at home and kept house for Sir. But as I grew more comfortable and my circle of friends grew, I became more confident. Not long ago, some other subs and I did a dance for our Masters.”

  “A dance?”

  Peter’s face pinked. “It was a gift to Sir for his birthday. We… did a nude dance.”

  JJ grinned. “Your voice kind of faded at the end. You did what?” He loved pulling Peter’s leg. He’d already worked out this had to have been the dance Joe had mentioned.

  Peter covered his face. “Oh my God, we danced nude, okay?”

  That pulled a laugh from JJ, and it felt damn good. “Go on. Tell me more.”

  “You’re an evil little shit, aren’t you?” Peter said, but JJ could hear the humor in his voice.

  “I try,” he said modestly. Peter’s chuckle made him feel lighter than he’d felt in ages.

  “The dance went better than I’d hoped. People were shocked to see my back, of course, but no one said anything bad. That night was such a confidence boost for me. I felt like I floated all the way home. And when we got there….” His cheeks pinked again. “Anyway, after, I asked about doing a scene at the club. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. He pulled me close and told me how much he loved me.”

  “That’s… cool. How did you know you wanted to be a sub?”

  Peter’s face went bright red, and he mumbled something.

  “I missed that. What did you say?”

  Peter blushed again and turned his head away from JJ. “I took an online test, okay?”

  “An… online test?” JJ had no idea such a thing existed.

  “Please, don’t tell anyone. No one else knows,” Peter implored.

  “I won’t. I promise. Why did you take it, though?”

  Peter shrugged and ran his finger across the tabletop. “A guy I used to go to school with posted it on Facebook. He and a bunch of other people were mocking the test, saying how anyone who’d be a submissive was weak. I wanted to see.”

  “And what kind of questions did they ask?”

  “They were stupid questions,” Peter admitted. “But they started me thinking. I’d gone out a few times with men, and I always seemed attracted to the ones who took charge. That brought me back to the test and how maybe it might have been right, so I decided to go to a club one night.”

  “And you met Curtis,” JJ finished for him.

  Peter nodded. “He said the right things, you know? He could see I needed to be taken care of, and he could do that for me. He’d give me a home and see to my needs. What I got turned out to be a lot different.”

  The look on Peter’s face hurt JJ’s heart. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  “Hey, no. Stop that. It wasn’t you, remember? You had nothing to do with it. I would never want to go through it again, but it brought me to a much better place.”

  “I still don’t understand why you’d do it. What do you get out of it?”

  “I don’t think I can explain it properly,” Peter answered. “Taking care of Sir fulfills me. He’s my world. Everything I do is to make him proud of me, and everything he does helps me to become more than what I am.”

  A shiver ran through JJ as he saw the serene expression on Peter’s face.

  “When I was in school, I didn’t have much focus. After my parents kicked me out, it got worse. My grandmother raised me, and she was a wonderful woman, but she didn’t understand. And when she died, I was alone. I hated not having someone, and I thought maybe, if I went to the club, I could learn about myself. I learned a lot too.”

  The last words held a note of venom, but JJ didn’t say anything. He simply reached out and took Peter’s hand. “I won’t say I’m sorry, but no one deserved what happened to you.”

  “And you deserved someone better for a father,” Peter said. “But look how you turned out. You’re nothing like the man I knew.” He fell silent, his hand warm in JJ’s.

  “One more question?”

  Peter smiled. “Sure, what is it?”

  “Are you really happy?”

  “Oh yes. Very much so. Sir has made sure I’m prepared for life. He’s guided me, helped me go from being a scared bunny to a man who can stand in front of a group of men and flash his arse.”

  Peter grinned, and then he and JJ both burst out laughing. After they’d calmed down, Peter looked at JJ with fierce determination in his eyes.

  “I’m the man I am today because of him. And the person I’m becoming is someone I really like.”

  “I like him too,” JJ whispered.

  “We should go back before they come looking for us.”

  Darren came looking for me, JJ realized. He wanted to be sure I was okay because he’d been worried. And the thought warmed JJ to his core.

  Chapter Thirteen

  DARREN LOOKED up expectantly as the office door opened. Peter entered first, followed by JJ. Peter walked over to Thomas, who drew him into his arms. Thomas glanced over at JJ.

  “Are you all right?”

  JJ merely nodded and moved closer to Darren. Thomas addressed Peter.

  “Was Christian able to help?”

  “I think so.” Peter met JJ’s gaze. “What did you get out of the conversation?”

  Darren didn’t miss the shiver that ran through JJ.

  “Is it okay to just say he gave me a lot to think about?”

  There was a weary edge to JJ’s voice. Instinctively Darren stepped closer, his hand on JJ’s arm, stroking up and down with a gentle motion.

  “JJ, why don’t you take a few days off? We’ll see you back at work on Friday,” Thomas said with a smile.

  JJ stiffened. “I… I still have a job?”

  Peter chuckled. “Told you.”

  Thomas appeared surprised by the question. “Of course you have a job. But I feel it’s more important right now that you take some time off. It occurs to me that you’ve clearly been under a lot of stress since you began working here. Maybe a break is what you need.”

  “But… Ben… the bar….”

  Thomas smiled. “Don’t worry about us. Kenton won’t mind picking up a few extra hours. Besides, having you here focused on your work and not other… matters, is better in the long run.”

  “I don’t need time off,” JJ protested. “Honestly, I’m fine.”

  Thomas regarded Darren with gleaming eyes. “I do believe that’s your cue.”

  Darren leaned in and brought his lips to JJ’s ear. “Stop arguing and do what the nice man says. In fact, say thank you to the nice man, and then we’ll get out of here.”

  JJ shivered. “Thank you, Mr. Williams.”

  “Good boy,” Darren whispered, not failing to catch Thomas’s chuckle. He slid an arm around JJ’s waist and guided him out of the office with a last nod to Thomas and Peter.

  Once they were in the main area, JJ came to a stop and faced him. “I can get home on my own, thanks.”

  Darren arched his eyebrows. “Oh, I don’t doubt that for a minute, but that’s based on the presumption you’re actually going back to that place right now. Which you’re not.”

  “Excuse me?” JJ’s spine became a little more rigid.

  “You’re coming home with me.” Just saying the words felt right.

  “Let’s get on
e thing straight. I have a home. I don’t need to—”

  “That place is not a home,” Darren said, recalling the mold on the walls, the damp feel in the air. JJ’s flat had been tidy, but Darren put that down to a lot of elbow grease on JJ’s part. The whole neighborhood gave him the creeps. The sight of a used syringe just lying in the gutter outside JJ’s building had been enough to worry the crap out of him. It had been all he could do not to pack a bag for JJ the first time he set foot in that flat. “You’re coming to stay with me for a few days.” He wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  JJ stared at him. “You can’t just waltz into my life and start making decisions for me.”

  “Actually, yes, I can.” Darren returned his stare. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’d rather stay there than stay with me in my house. A place where you can feel safe.”

  JJ pressed his lips together and blinked. “I….”

  Darren didn’t hesitate. He pulled JJ into his arms. “Don’t think about it,” he whispered. “Don’t fight it. Just go with your instincts.”

  JJ swallowed. “Okay, let’s go,” he said in a quiet voice.

  Darren smiled. “That’s better.” He led JJ out of the club and back to his car. It was only as they reached it that Thomas’s words came to him.

  Maybe JJ isn’t the only one who needs to follow his instincts.

  The car pulled out of the car park, JJ still subdued beside him. “Do we need to go to your flat to pick up anything? Clothes, toiletries?”

  “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” JJ was staring out of the windscreen, his palms on his thighs. The tremor in his voice, the rigid posture, hands tightening into fists and then loosening—it was as if he was at war within himself, tension fighting exhaustion.

  “Is there anyone you should call, to let them know where you’ll be? Your mum, for instance?”

  JJ snorted. “My mum. Yeah, right.”

  Darren wanted it all out, the pent-up emotion, the wariness, fear, anger….

  “Do you have an issue with your mum?”

  “Apart from the fact that she’s a lying bitch? No.” JJ fell silent.

  Cold hit Darren at his core at the loathing in JJ’s voice. “Okay,” he began slowly, “I thought I’d heard everything. Apparently that’s not the case.”

  JJ huffed. “There’s not much to say. Let’s just say my mum has an aversion to telling the truth.”

  “Go on. You’ve told us this much. Finish the story.”

  JJ sighed and twisted in his seat to stare at Darren, his face pale in the streetlights overhead. “When I was a little kid, she told me my dad had been a US soldier. Lies. She told me they’d had an affair and then he’d left for the Gulf War. More lies. Then she told me he’d died out there. Lies, lies, lies. When I was sixteen, I wanted to know more about my family, but she told me they wanted nothing to do with us, that they refused to acknowledge I even existed. I thought that was weird at the time. They’d lost their son, and yet they didn’t want to know about their grandson?”

  The bitterness in JJ’s voice tore at Darren’s insides. “So you didn’t leave it alone.”

  JJ shook his head. “When I was eighteen, I sent off for a copy of my birth certificate. Mum kept saying she couldn’t find it, and I remember thinking, ‘Fuck, I’m going to need one.’ But when it arrived, there was no father listed.”

  “Did you confront her?”

  He nodded. “It was then that she told me the truth—or what she claimed was the truth. She told me she’d had a one-night stand with some guy, who’d brushed her off when she tried to see him again. Yeah, a real prince. When she found out she was pregnant, she tracked him down and told him. At first he tried to say he wasn’t the father, but Mum can be really tenacious. I’m guessing she wouldn’t let it go. Anyway, he gave her money to have an abortion.” JJ sagged into his seat, his head against the rest.

  “Wow.” Darren kept his eyes on the road ahead. “That must have hurt her.”

  JJ’s breathing hitched. “Hurt her?”

  “Well, yes. To find out he thought so little of her. And she didn’t have an abortion, did she? She must have wanted you.”

  “Then why did she keep lying to me?” JJ wailed. “She was the one person I depended on, and to find out she’d been feeding me nothing but lies…. How could she do that?”

  “You won’t ever know unless you ask her.” Darren paused. “When did you last see her? Or speak with her?”

  “After the birth certificate business, I started to trust her less and less. She wouldn’t give me a name, for one thing. I wanted to know about my dad, and she wouldn’t tell me anything.”

  “That was, what, six years ago? From what we heard tonight, it seems to me that Curtis would have already been up to some nasty business. Maybe she was shielding you from it.”

  JJ sighed once more. “Yeah. The thing is, I’d had enough. I moved out.”

  Darren tried to imagine JJ’s state of mind. Eighteen wasn’t all that old to be on his own.

  “What did you do?”

  “I moved to Manchester, claimed benefits until I got a job working in a factory in Ardwick. Just packing, short-term contracts. I went from job to job, earning enough to put a roof over my head.”

  Calling that hole JJ lived in a roof was being pretty generous, Darren felt. “Did you stay in contact with your mum?”

  JJ gave a shrug. “I called her, let her know I was okay. But to be honest, I still wanted to know about my dad. Okay, so he’d wanted to get rid of me, but that had been years ago. He could’ve changed a lot in that time. Maybe he’d want to know more about me, now I was older.”

  Darren’s heart ached. JJ had hoped so much.

  “Just over a year ago, I called my mum. I said I wanted a name, something to go on so I could track down my dad. She….” He shivered. “Mum lost it. She said if I was really intent on ruining my life, then fine. She told me to google Curtis Rogers. And then she said, ‘But you’ll regret it.’ Guess she was right.” Another shudder rippled through him.

  He’s utterly exhausted. As soon as they got to Darren’s house, he was going to put JJ to bed. With him wrapped around JJ all fucking night. “Is that everything?”

  JJ nodded, his chin dipping toward his chest. “I found out about the trial, that he’d been sent to prison. I read the trial transcripts, read about his lifestyle, the statements by the witnesses. That was where I heard about Collars & Cuffs.”

  “Okay, so it’s all out in the open. What now?” JJ half inclined his head in Darren’s direction, and Darren pressed on. “What do you want, JJ?”

  A bitter laugh burst from his lips. “I don’t know anymore! At first I wanted to clear Curtis, to prove it was all lies. Only it wasn’t, was it? Then I wanted to get even. Only, the more I found out about the people there, the more I liked them. Tonight just blew away everything.” JJ swallowed. “Now? I don’t know where to go from here.”

  “I’ll take you exactly where you’re going,” Darren said firmly. “We’re going to pick up your things, whatever you need, and then you’re coming to my house. You can stay for as long as you like, as long as it takes us to work out where to go from here. But for tonight? You’re going to be sleeping in my bed. I’m going to hold you all night long.”

  And maybe that would be enough to bring JJ a little peace.

  JJ took a deep breath. “Okay. Thank you.” The half smile eased the ache in Darren’s heart.

  “You’re welcome.” Darren left unsaid the words that were burning into his mind.

  You need me, JJ. And what’s more, I need you.

  JJ WAS still trying to work out how he’d ended up in Darren’s bed for the second night running. Not that he was complaining—God, it was comfortable—and having Darren’s body curled up around him, his breath warm on JJ’s neck, was further incentive to tell his brain to just shut the fuck up and let him sleep. The evening had taken its toll, and he was bone tired.

  Only, his brain had other ideas.
r />   “Still can’t get my head around it,” he muttered, half-asleep.

  Darren’s arm tightened across his chest. “Shh. Stop thinking.”

  “Jus’ didn’t think Peter would react like that,” JJ continued, stifling a yawn.

  Darren’s breath tickled his ear. “Stop thinking and go to sleep. We can talk about this in the morning.”

  “Don’t want to wait till morning,” JJ protested. There were too many thoughts colliding inside his head. He turned in Darren’s arms, burying his face against the warm chest, the soft hair tickling him. Darren smelled wonderful, a scent that pervaded the sheets, the pillows, even the air. “You smell good.”

  A chuckle. “Thank you, sleepyhead.”

  “Jus’ being honest.” And that was an amazing feeling, that he could finally be honest. “D’you know how good that feels?”

  “How good what feels?” Darren kissed the top of his head.

  “To be done with the lies. Man, they were killing me.” The relief made him feel light-headed.

  “JJ, go to sleep.”

  “Mm-hmm.” JJ snuggled closer. That had been another great thing about that night—the way Darren had taken charge. JJ might have mouthed off about his presumptive behavior, but Darren taking control like that? That voice? Fuck, it still sent shivers coursing through him. “Your voice….”

  Darren’s body shook as he laughed softly. “Never mind my voice. Your body is trying to tell you something. Listen to it.” His hand was gentle on JJ’s back, a soothing stroking up and down his spine, easing him deeper into sleep.

  “I’d rather listen to your voice,” JJ responded, Darren’s heart beating beneath him. “’Cause when you talk?”

  “JJ, sleep.”

  The words were uttered in a firm tone that told JJ Darren expected him to comply.

  Maybe Darren had the right idea. “’Kay,” he muttered. He let himself relax into Darren’s warm embrace, finally welcoming the release sleep brought.

  “DO YOU want to tell me where we’re going?” JJ asked for the third time.