Endings and Beginnings Read online

  “You like control.” Thomas smiled.

  “Yes,” Darren agreed, “but I’d never thought such control could extend into a relationship. It’s a heady feeling.”

  “You’re dominant by nature, Darren. BDSM would just allow you to take that dominance to a higher level, not just sexually, but emotionally, intellectually, psychologically.” He paused. “Which brings us to JJ.”

  Darren nodded. “From the moment I met him, Thomas, I felt there was something about him. Today I finally figured it out.”

  Thomas remained silent, but Darren could feel the weight of his gaze.

  “I always knew I needed… something in my life. And JJ needs me. I remember that day when you shaved Peter. You knew just what to say, what to do. Well, I want that. I want to be that for JJ. I want to train to be a Dom. JJ’s Dom.”

  Thomas cleared his throat. “You don’t know what JJ wants. You don’t even know if he wants to be your submissive. It doesn’t work like that.”

  “You once told me I had good instincts. What if something in me is telling me that JJ wants this too?” Darren wasn’t about to let this go, not when it felt this important.

  It was Thomas’s turn to study his drink. “When JJ first started working here, I could tell he was uncomfortable. I put it down to him not being used to the concept of BDSM. In the light of what we’ve just heard, maybe I got that wrong. He joined us to discover the truth about Curtis, but maybe he got more than he bargained for.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This is my club, Darren. I watch what goes on. This might have started out as some sort of reconnaissance mission for him, but I get the impression that he liked what he saw. In fact, I detected a wistful look as he watched some of the couples together. Tonight when he was hurting, his gaze went to you, like he needed you to make things better.”

  Darren stared at him. “He said as much to me about how the couples interacted, and I thought he seemed… envious.”

  Thomas nodded. “So maybe your instincts are spot on, but there’s also the fact that he’s attracted to you.” His eyes sparkled. “I wouldn’t dream of embarrassing you by asking how your date went yesterday. I don’t need to. I saw the way JJ looked when he came to work this evening.”

  Darren snorted. “You don’t miss much, do you?”

  Thomas’s grin said plenty. Then his expression grew more serious. “Darren, what do you want?”

  The earnest way Thomas delivered the question gave Darren pause. He took a moment to reflect before answering. “I want what I saw with you and Peter, a relationship so intimate it makes other people ache to see it. But until I met JJ and began to care for him, I didn’t realize how much I truly wanted to be the one JJ came to with his problems, to be his rock, like you are with Peter. To be the one thing in all the world that JJ knows he can depend on.”

  “You don’t need to be a Dom for that, only a good man with a good heart,” Thomas said. “But is that all you want from JJ?”

  Thomas’s words echoed in Darren’s head. What did he want from JJ? To be strong for him, sure. To give them a chance at a future together. But it’s not just that, is it? When he’d seen Thomas and Peter together, he’d seen a bond that grew immeasurably powerful when Thomas pulled his boy out of that dark place.

  “You hit the nail on the head when you talked about taking things to a higher level. I want JJ to give me all that he is. Sexually, physically, mentally. I want him to be mine with everything he can give me. I want to push him to his limits and beyond. Not just in bed, but in life. When he says he can’t, I want to help him try, to make me happy because I expect it from him and he won’t let me down.”

  Thomas smiled. “Good answer. Talk to JJ, and see if this is a trip he wants to take with you. I will make you a deal. I’m already working with Eli, and I’m sure I can work with you and JJ—if that’s what he wants. I will train you both, help you become a better Dom and sub. But JJ doesn’t trust easily, and if he agrees, the two of you will have to learn that trust. Let’s call it Dom 101.” He grinned. “And the first thing I’ll do will be to give you some rules. A lot of rules.”

  Darren knocked back the remainder of his whiskey. “Maybe I should go find JJ.”

  Thomas shook his head. “Let Peter have some time with him. You never know. It may help. But play it by ear. He’s been through a lot this evening, emotionally. Maybe tonight he just needs you to be there for him.”

  Darren could do that. A thought struck him. “How’s JJ going to feel once this gets out?” He knew it would only be a matter of time.

  “You leave that to me,” Thomas said decisively. “I’ll make sure this gets to the ears of those who need to know. If anyone else has a problem with it, that’s their lookout. I don’t want JJ to feel uncomfortable here. This is a safe place.”

  With that one sentence, Thomas put a lot of Darren’s fears to rest.

  Chapter Twelve

  JJ FOLLOWED Peter through the club toward the bar, his heart pounding. Peter’s reaction had blown him away. After anticipating an acrimonious outburst from the sub once he knew the truth, Peter’s quiet words and gentle manner set his mind racing. JJ wondered what Darren had made of it all. The way he’d held JJ in his arms gave him hope. It didn’t seem as if Darren was going to turn away from him either.

  No one in this place ever behaves the way I expect them to. Maybe that was a good thing.

  Peter led them past Ben, whose gaze focused immediately on JJ.

  “It’s okay,” Ben said quietly. “I’ve just spoken with Thomas. Kenton’s coming in to take over. Don’t worry about us, all right? We can talk later.”

  It was only then that JJ realized he’d quit. Fuck.

  Before he could question Ben as to whether he still had a job, a man approached them. JJ didn’t recognize him as a member, but the sight of a lime green wristband solved that issue. It was clearly someone checking out the club.

  “Excuse me, but can I ask you guys a couple of questions?” He smiled widely at them.

  “I’m sorry, but not right now,” Peter said apologetically. “I’m sure you’ll find plenty of people around here to answer your questions.”

  The man’s face fell, but he nodded. “Thanks. I’ll see who’s available.” He walked off toward the main floor.

  Peter turned to JJ. “Ordinarily I’d have helped him, but I wanted to be sure of catching someone.”

  He brought JJ to a table in the corner of the bar. JJ recognized the seated Dom as Joe, so he guessed the blissed-out, naked submissive kneeling beside him had to be Christian.

  Joe glanced up, a grin on his face when he caught sight of Peter. “Hey, boy!”

  JJ winced at the sound of Joe’s booming voice.

  “I heard you did a scene with Thomas. I guess after you’d let it all hang out for that birthday dance, that was a huge barrier broken down right there.” He nodded, smiling. “I’m sure he’s bloody proud of you.”

  JJ hadn’t expected such an insightful remark from the Dom.

  Peter’s shy smile was beautiful. “Thank you. Master Joe, I know it’s not normally how things are done, and if you prefer, I can have my Master come speak to you, but I was hoping you’d allow Christian to come with us for a minute.”

  There was the merest flicker of Christian’s eyelids, but beyond that he didn’t respond. Joe put his hand out and wrapped it around Christian, pulling him close.

  “What’s this about?” Joe demanded.

  JJ liked the way Christian leaned into Joe’s touch. He was almost purring.

  “JJ needs some reassurance, and I think Christian could provide it. We can talk here if you prefer.” Peter kept his voice low and respectful.

  Joe looked down at Christian. “Go with them, boy, but I want you to stay where I can see you at all times.”

  “Yes, Master,” Christian replied, rising gracefully to his feet.

  He moved toward Peter when Joe called out.

  “Forget something?”


  A slight grin crossed Christian’s face as he turned and kissed Joe, humming happily when Joe grabbed his arse and squeezed. Joe released him and grinned.

  “Go on, but hurry back. I might want a blowjob before we leave.”

  It was obvious to JJ that Joe was completely smitten with Christian.

  Christian followed Peter and JJ to another table. When they were out of earshot of Joe, Peter leaned closer.

  “How are things going?”

  The peaceful, contented expression on Christian’s face tugged at JJ’s heart.

  “Never better,” Christian exclaimed. He grinned. “I probably shouldn’t tell you, but we signed a six-month contract.”

  Peter beamed at him. “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”

  Christian flushed. “The only thing I had as a hard limit was no sharing, and after what I heard about my Master, I feared it would be a deal breaker, but after….” His voice trailed off, and a look of sadness swept over his face. “Let’s just say he agreed, and I’ve never been happier.”

  Peter gave him a sudden quick hug and then sat back, smiling. “I understand. Believe me.”

  Christian gave his Master a swift glance. “I have to get back. What did you need?”

  Peter turned to JJ. “I’m not sure if you know what I’m about to tell you, so I might as well just come right out with it. Christian was Curtis’s… sub?” He gave Christian an inquiring look.

  Christian shrugged. “That’s what he called it. Not sure I’d agree. Bitch is more like it.”

  JJ stared at him, his stomach roiling. The vitriol in Christian’s voice was nothing like the warmth JJ had just heard.

  Peter addressed JJ. “He was in the house when Curtis did those things to me. The thing is? He didn’t know. Curtis told him I liked what he was doing to me, and Christian had been forbidden from speaking to me if Curtis wasn’t around. And I was never to address anyone without his permission.”

  JJ’s chest tightened. “Why are you telling me this?”

  Peter’s voice was soft. “You wanted to know why I can’t hate you. That’s easy, JJ. You’re not Curtis. You’re good and kind. I’ve seen you with the club members. You’ve always got a smile for them. Never a harsh word. You’re not him. I couldn’t blame you for something you never knew about.”

  “Why are we even talking about him?” Christian demanded.

  Peter sighed. “I want to introduce you to JJ. He’s Curtis’s son.”

  Christian’s eyes widened. “You poor sod. I know it’s an awful thing to say, but you really had a wanker for a father.”

  JJ’s cheeks heated. “So I’m learning,” he mumbled. He didn’t know what else to say.

  “The point is,” Peter continued, “I’m not angry with Christian at all. He had no way of knowing the truth, and neither did you. Do you think I should blame him?”

  “No, but—”

  “Stop right there,” Christian said. “I blamed myself for the longest time. If I’d been paying attention, if I’d spoken to Peter, if…. The ifs of our past can destroy our future. When I came here to apologize, Master Thomas invited me to join the club. Neither he nor Peter held any malice toward me, so why do you think they would toward you?”

  JJ thought on Christian’s words. He hadn’t known anything about Curtis beyond a name. How could he have stopped anything? The truth was, he couldn’t.

  “I really need to go,” Christian said anxiously. “He’s giving me that look.”

  “Look?” JJ asked.

  “My Master likes to be seen with me by his side. If I’m not there, he gets anxious.” An affectionate smile swept across Christian’s face, removing all traces of his previous mood. “It’s really sweet, but don’t tell him I said so.”

  He stood up, and Peter rose with him, giving Christian another quick hug. Christian regarded JJ thoughtfully.

  “Don’t think about him, JJ. He’s gone. Get on with your life.”

  JJ watched as Christian approached the table where Joe sat. The smile on Joe’s face as his submissive returned stirred something in JJ. It’s always about a connection. It’s deeper than anything I’ve ever seen before. What would that be like?

  Peter watched Christian too. “The thing is, I was angry with Christian for a long time. When Master Thomas invited him to the club, I felt betrayed. It never occurred to me he’d been a victim of Curtis too. All I could see was my own anger and hurt. Dr. Herne assured me it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, but I couldn’t get it out of my head.”

  JJ got that. He’d been living with such emotions for a while.

  “Then one day, Sir sat me down with Christian and ordered me to tell him what I had pent up inside me. I didn’t want to, but Sir refused to let me leave. So I started talking, and as I started saying the words, it all just flooded out of me. My anger, my hatred, my shame. I spat such venom at Christian. And when I finished, he came to me and knelt down by my chair. He took my hand in his, and I looked into his eyes. He’d been crying, and even though I wanted to still be upset, I couldn’t stand to see that look. I’d seen it too many times in my own reflection.” He swallowed hard. “I put my hand on his face, and he threw himself into my arms, sobbing about how sorry he was. How he hadn’t known and wished he had done something differently.”

  The pain of that memory was evident on Peter’s face.

  “Are you okay?” JJ asked, tentatively laying his hand on Peter’s arm.

  Peter nodded. “I realized there was nothing he could have done. Curtis manipulated us, preyed on our insecurities and needs. It hadn’t been just me he’d hurt, it had been both of us.” He glanced across to where Christian knelt beside Joe. “I won’t say we’re close friends, but I don’t hold him responsible at all.” His gaze met JJ’s. “Just like I don’t hold you culpable for what Curtis did to either of us. Do you understand?”

  JJ let Peter’s words sink in. How easy it had been to blame himself, but as Peter and Christian pointed out, what could he have done to change anything?

  Then it occurred to him that there were things he wanted to know, and he was sitting with someone who might possess the answers.

  “Peter? Would you mind if I asked you some questions?”

  Peter frowned. “About what?”

  “You and Thomas. Alex and Leo. Ben and Scott. Your lives, I guess. I don’t want to be nosy, but… I’d just like to understand better.”

  Peter stood a little straighter and took JJ’s hand again. “Come with me.”

  He led them through the main floor of the club to a quiet corner, then pulled out his phone and gave JJ a grin. “I’m going to text Sir to let him know we’re still together and that he and Darren needn’t worry.”

  Warmth seeped into JJ. Even something as simple as a text message to Thomas seemed to bring Peter joy.

  Peter put his phone away. “Grab those two chairs and we can sit.”

  JJ did as instructed.

  “I’m sorry. I should have asked. Did you want something to drink?”

  “Oh God, no, I’m staying clear of the bar. Ben is likely to be furious that I walked out tonight. It’s going to be even worse when he finds out he’ll have to train a new barman before he and Scott get married.”

  Peter cocked his head. “Why do you think that?”

  JJ cradled his head in his hands. “I walked out, remember? I couldn’t handle the pressure when it all became too much.”

  Peter patted JJ’s shoulder. “I don’t think they’ll sack you. And I’m pretty sure Ben will understand. Trust me on this, okay?”

  JJ wanted to tell Peter that trust wasn’t something he gave easily, but he forced himself to remain quiet. Hadn’t Peter shown he’d earned the chance to be trusted?

  “So, what did you want to ask me about?”

  Slowly, JJ sat up, thinking hard on how to ask the question. No matter how he said it, Peter might think he was being insensitive. “What’s the difference between Curtis and Thomas?”

  Peter’s brow sc
runched. “What’s the difference between night and day?” he finally replied. “I don’t want to go into details. I know you’re still dealing with everything, but Curtis wasn’t a nice man. He did a lot of things to me that gave me nightmares for a long time. What you saw on my back? Those are only the physical scars. They ran a lot deeper than the surface, and it took me a long while to understand what Thomas was offering me. When I went to him, I thought it was going to be the same stuff with a different man. I believed they were all the same.”

  “How did you get embroiled in this mess?” JJ wanted to know.

  “I went to a club one night because I wanted to learn about submission. I hadn’t even been inside fifteen minutes when Curtis swooped in. He said all the right things, made pretty speeches, and had me convinced he could be the person to teach me. What I learned was that I’d been stupid. I became a prisoner in his house, treated like an animal. Then I got saved, in more ways than one. They took me to Thomas, and he, along with Alex and Leo, opened my eyes to what submission really meant.”

  JJ yearned to hear more. The way Peter spoke about being submissive made it sound nothing like what he’d expected. “And it was different with Thomas?”

  Peter laughed. “Oh God, yes. He was kind and patient. Initially we didn’t do any scenes while he gave me time to heal. To understand that he wasn’t going to push me until I admitted I wanted him to. After everything I’d been through, I honestly expected him to have me in a sling within the first few days. I’m pretty sure a lesser Dom would have done just that.”

  “But not Thomas.” The more JJ heard about his boss, the more he liked and admired the man.

  Peter’s face glowed. “No, not my Master. He wasn’t like that at all. He started training me from the beginning. Teaching me that rules applied to both the Dom and the submissive. That the sub had the power in a relationship. That I could say no and not receive punishment for being disobedient. Now don’t get me wrong, there were punishments, but nothing that left permanent marks. Nothing like that at all. One time I forgot to call at an appointed time, and Sir had been very worried. He made me write lines as a punishment. Then he tore them up and threw them in the fireplace. Punishment over.”