Burden Read online

  Owen’s eyes widened. “Oh. Yes. He told you?”

  Randy nodded. “He… stayed here last night.”

  Owen coughed. “I know.” When Randy gave him an inquiring glance, Owen flushed. “Thin walls in this place.”

  Randy’s face heated up. “I’ll have to remember that.”

  “The important question is, will he be back?”

  He took refuge in his glass, hoping the chilled wine would cool his hot cheeks.

  “Randy?” When he glanced up, Owen’s eyes were kind. “What happened?” he asked softly.

  Too much had passed between them for him to even consider lying. Randy pulled his phone from his pocket, opened his email, and handed it to Owen. “This kinda sums it up.”

  Owen read it in silence, his brow furrowed. When he’d finished, he handed the phone back. “So now what? Are you going to leave things there?”

  Randy gazed at him with interest. “You don’t think I should, do you?”

  Owen shook his head. “There’s a lot here that he’s not saying. Besides, reading something is not the same thing as an honest-to-God talk with someone. We lose so much in translation.”

  Randy nodded vigorously. “Yes. And as to your first question, no, I’m not going to leave things here. I’m going to find him.”

  Owen snickered. “How does the saying go? ‘A Canadian Mountie always gets his man’?” He raised his glass. “Well, here’s to a New Yorker copping his hooker.”

  Randy glared. “That was bad, even for you.”

  Owen smirked. “I do my best with the material available. Now, why don’t you start by drawing up a list of contacts? People who might know where he is?”

  “Now?” Randy stared at him.

  “No time like the present,” Owen said with a shrug. “So who’s at the top of the list?”

  That was easy. “A guy in Maine.”

  Nikko would know where Jesse was, if anyone did. And if he didn’t, Randy had a few more names to work through, even if he had to find every guy who’d worked in the Black Lounge. He stared at Jesse’s email, reading it for what had to be the tenth time.

  I’ll find you. And when I do, I’m gonna sit you down and make sure you don’t move until I tell you that I fucking love you.

  Randy had a plan.

  Chapter Nineteen

  August

  RANDY WALKED into Nowhere, his eyes adjusting to the dim lighting as he scanned the tables and chairs at the far end of the bar. He recognized a couple of guys, and judging by their panicked expressions, they recognized him. Swiftly, he held up his hands, palms facing them, hoping they got the message.

  Randy was not there in an official capacity.

  He spied Steve in the corner, playing pool, and headed over there. Steve straightened to chalk his cue, and their gazes met. Steve shook his head. “Twice in one month? Better be careful, officer. People will say we’re in love.” The guy he was playing with jerked his head at that, staring at Randy with wide eyes, but Steve laid a hand on his arm. “Chill. He ain’t here to bust your ass. Ain’t that right, Detective?”

  Randy nodded. “Just here to talk. That’s all.” He gestured toward the bar with a flick of his head. “Can I get you a drink?”

  Steve blinked. “This a new kinda operation? Get a guy drunk, then get him talking?” He grinned to his fellow player. “Hey, you can buy me as many drinks as you like. I still ain’t gonna tell ya squat.”

  “Let’s call this a drink from one ex-coworker to another,” Randy said quietly.

  “Coworker?”

  He smiled. “Once upon a time, we both worked in the same place. Different kinda work, of course.”

  Steve stilled. “Yeah. I guess we did at that. Okay. I’ll have a beer.”

  Randy gave a single nod, then went over to the bar. By the time he had two glasses of beer in his hands, Steve had finished his game and was sitting alone at a table. Randy joined him, then raised his glass. “Here’s to you.”

  Steve raised his glass in a similar gesture, then took a drink. He put down his glass and leaned back in his chair. “You’re here about Jesse.”

  Randy arched his eyebrows. “You taking up mind reading?”

  Steve snorted. “Don’t have to be a friggin’ genius to work that out. You’ve been asking questions all over Manhattan, so I hear. Not to mention Brooklyn and Queens.” He smiled. “I got a lotta friends, and when a Vice cop starts askin’ questions, you can bet word gets around.” He took another drink. “I got nothin’ to tell ya, same as last time.”

  Randy’s heart sank. “You were one of the first guys I came to. I figured if anyone knew where Jesse was, it would be you. Since then I’ve seen Baz, Jordan—virtually everyone who worked in the Black Lounge. And every time I got the same answer. No one has seen him.”

  “So why are you back?”

  Randy took a long swig of beer. “Because since I spoke to you, I’ve been to every guy I could think of who might possibly know Jesse, and I’m running out of names. Which, in a city the size of New York, is saying something. And the only reason I came back to you was to see if there’d been any news.” He hadn’t thought it possible, but Jesse had somehow slipped under the radar. What had seemed like an easy task a month ago now had him tearing his hair out. And he was starting to panic.

  Where the hell is he?

  Randy had called, sent texts and emails—all with no result. Jesse was staying silent.

  Steve drained half his beer. “You really are worried about him, aren’t ya?”

  Randy huffed. “Gee, is it that obvious?” He wasn’t about to divulge why he was looking for Jesse. That would be like committing professional suicide, not that he gave a rat’s ass about his job right then. He was on a break from the sting operations, and that was just fine.

  Steve stared at his glass, running his finger around the rim. “He was staying with me.”

  “What? When?” Randy gaped at him.

  Steve shrugged. “Right up until I came home one Saturday a month ago, and he’d upped and left. He wrote me a nice note, left me some money to cover his rent, and that was it.” His eyes met Randy’s. “And before you ask, no, he didn’t leave a forwarding address. I kinda got the impression he was… escaping something. Or someone.”

  Yeah. That would be me. Randy’s gut was in turmoil. “Then I’m no better off.”

  Steve cocked his head to one side. “Did you call Nikko? Those two were pretty tight.”

  Randy sighed. “He was the first person I called. He hadn’t heard from Jesse in a few weeks.”

  Steve stilled. “He said that?”

  The hairs stood up on the back of Randy’s neck. “Yeah,” he said slowly.

  “Then if I was you? I’d call him again. Because those two talked. A lot. The idea that either of them would let two weeks go by without a phone call? That’s bullshit.”

  A light was finally beginning to dawn. “He lied to me.” Sweet little Nikko had lied his ass off.

  Steve rolled his eyes. “Duh.” He emptied the rest of his glass. “We done here?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Randy smiled. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it.” Steve speared him with a look. “Seriously. Do not mention it. I don’t want guys thinking I’m helping the cops.” Then his expression softened. “Let’s just call it a favor for an ex-coworker.”

  “Gotcha.” Randy held out his hand.

  Steve regarded it with a half smile, then shook it. “And now I’ll get back to playing pool. Gotta win my money back, haven’t I?” He grinned.

  Randy left him to it and walked out of the bar. He pulled his phone from his pocket and glanced at the time—7:15. He’d gone to the bar straight from work, on the off chance that Steve might be there. Right then he was thankful he had. He scrolled through his contacts until he found Nikko, then paused.

  Is it too late to call? They could be having dinner or something. Then he reconsidered. Fuck that. He lied to me. Randy hit Call. After three rings, Nikk
o answered.

  “He’s not here.” The words rushed out of him.

  God bless Steve. Randy cleared his throat. “What—I don’t even rate a ‘Hi, Randy, good to hear from you’ now?”

  “Oh. Oh, sure. Hi. How are you?”

  Randy chuckled. “Sorry, Nikko, but the damage is done. You know where Jesse is, don’t you?”

  “Shit.” There was a pause before Nikko spoke again, quietly. “He doesn’t want to talk to you, Randy.”

  Thank God. “Then you do know where he is.” When Nikko fell silent, Randy knew for certain he’d hit pay dirt. “Nikko, I’ve spent the last month trying to find him. I’m not gonna give up.”

  Silence.

  “At least tell me he’s all right.”

  Nikko’s soft sigh filled his ears. “He’s… okay. Actually, he’s better than okay.” Another pause. “And he still doesn’t want to see you.”

  Randy wasn’t about to be put off by that. “Where is he?”

  “God, you’re stubborn.”

  He chuckled. “You have no idea. And you can tell me he doesn’t want to see me until you’re blue in the face. I’m not giving up.” Randy softened his voice. “I need to see him, Nikko. It’s… really important.”

  “Why? Tell me that, and if I agree with you, then maybe I’ll tell you where he is. Maybe.”

  He’d gotten this far. “Jesse walked out on me before I got the chance to tell him something. I should’ve spoken up sooner, told him how I felt, but… I was scared, I guess.” He wasn’t going to bare more of his soul. Only Jesse got to see that. Randy prayed Nikko could read between the lines. He knew what it was to be in love, after all.

  If he could put two and two together….

  “Oh.” Nikko’s soft exhalation filled Randy’s ears. “Oh, wow.”

  Randy wanted to weep with relief. “Then tell me, please.”

  “He’s here. In our house.”

  “Seriously?”

  “He’s been here since the day he left New York. But Randy… things have changed.”

  Randy barely took in Nikko’s last words. “I’m coming there.”

  “What? When?”

  There was no way Randy could keep away. “I need to go speak to my captain, take some vacation time, but yeah, I’ll be there as fast as it takes to sort everything.” Heaven knew he was owed enough time off. He hadn’t taken a real vacation since before his stint in the Black Lounge.

  “You’re serious.”

  “Of course I’m serious. But I’ll need some information, like the name of a motel or someplace local where I can stay.”

  “How… how long are you planning on staying?” Nikko sounded shocked.

  As long as it takes to get Jesse to believe me. “A couple of weeks?” Right then he was playing this by ear.

  “I see.” Nikko paused. “You can stay here, as long as you don’t mind sleeping on the couch. We’ve only got two bedrooms, and Jesse’s in the guest room.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll let Mitch know.”

  “Don’t tell Jesse,” Randy blurted out. He didn’t want to run the risk of him turning up and finding Jesse had decided to move on. “Please, Nikko, you can’t tell him.”

  Nikko gave a long, drawn-out sigh. “Okay. Fine. Just… let me know when you’ll be arriving, and I’ll make sure we’re ready for you. Without letting Jesse know, I promise. On one condition, though. If Jesse says he doesn’t want you there, you are gone. No questions asked. Agreed?”

  “Agreed.” Randy owed Nikko the biggest hug. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I know you’re only looking out for him.”

  “You bet I am, so don’t hurt him,” Nikko blurted out. “When he first got here, he was a mess. But like I said, things have changed. You hurt him, and you’ll answer to me. And Mitch.”

  It was hard not to laugh. Small, slim Nikko wasn’t exactly bodyguard material, but Randy certainly wouldn’t cross him. And as for Mitch? He could probably snap Randy in two.

  “I promise you, hurting Jesse is the last thing on my mind.”

  “Okay.” There was still that edge of doubt in his voice, but there was nothing Randy could do about that. “How will you get here?”

  Randy laughed. “Not a clue. All I know right now is that you live in Old Orchard Beach. Where that is, I have no idea.”

  “I’ll send you the link with the bus times. And we’ll meet you in Portland.”

  “Nikko, you’re a godsend.”

  He huffed. “I’m only doing this because… Jesse needs you. If he knew we were talking like this….”

  “One day he might thank you for it.” That was Randy’s hope, at any rate.

  “Okay, they’re back. Keep in touch.” And with that the call ended.

  Randy put his phone away, his mind racing. Getting vacation time, even at this short notice, didn’t concern him. His captain had been making noises about Randy taking some time off for the past two weeks. Randy had a good idea why.

  No, what lay heaviest on his heart was Jesse.

  What do I say to him? After weeks of having conversations in his head—which varied between trying not to sound resentful at Jesse’s abrupt exit, to taking Jesse in his arms and kissing him till he was breathless—Randy was suddenly unsure of himself.

  Maybe this is one conversation I can’t plan for. Maybe I have to play this one by ear.

  One thing Randy knew for certain.

  He was going to do his best not to fuck up.

  Chapter Twenty

  RANDY YAWNED and rubbed his eyes as he awoke from his light doze. He’d grabbed an hour or so of sleep soon after pulling out of the bus station in New York—hardly surprising, seeing as they’d left at a quarter to four in the morning. Nikko had sent him a laughing emoji when Randy had messaged him the details. Like Randy cared about getting up at too-goddamn-early o’clock.

  He just wanted to get to Maine as fast as he could.

  He’d grabbed breakfast in Boston, where there was an hour’s stop before changing buses. They were due to arrive at the Portland bus station within five minutes, and he gazed out of the window. Portland seemed a pretty busy place, not how he’d pictured Maine at all. Almost midday on Saturday, and the streets were crowded with people getting on with their daily lives, shopping, strolling, whatever.

  “Here we are, folks,” the driver called out over the PA system. “Greyhound bus station, Portland, Maine.” The bus pulled into a large parking bay, at the end of which was a covered area where people congregated, some with suitcases and bags.

  Randy got off the bus and collected his suitcase from the luggage compartment, then walked toward the exit. It didn’t take long to spot Nikko, who waved at him from the edge of the parking lot. He looked like a poster boy for summer, wearing a thin white shirt open at the neck, cutoff shorts, flip-flops, and sunglasses. As soon as Randy reached him, he dropped the case and Nikko pulled him into a hug.

  “It’s good to see you,” he whispered as he held Randy tightly.

  Randy gave as good as he got. When they parted, he peered intently at Nikko. “He still has no clue I’m coming?”

  Nikko shook his head. “And he won’t be there when we get home.”

  From behind him, someone cleared their throat. Mitch had gotten out of the car and was walking toward him. He extended a hand to Randy, who shook it. “You’re here to fix things, right?”

  Randy had to smile. He really liked Mitch’s blunt manner. “That’s the general idea.”

  Mitch gave a single nod. “Okay then.” He picked up the suitcase. “I’ll put this in the trunk. You’re in the back.”

  Randy got into the car and fastened the seat belt. It wasn’t long before they were pulling out of the parking lot and heading south.

  “Is that your nearest big town?” he asked as Portland’s busy streets were left behind them.

  Mitch nodded. “Portland’s only fifteen minutes or so from our place. This is Scarborough,” he said, indicating the view with a flick of his head. “Not much h
ere. Next town is Saco, which is pretty. We’re not far from there.”

  “So where has Jesse gone?” Randy was a little disappointed to know Jesse wouldn’t be there.

  “He’s working.”

  Randy stilled, staring at the back of Nikko’s head. “Working?”

  “At the Old Orchard Beach pier. There’s a restaurant and a bar. He’s been there about three weeks now.” Nikko turned and smiled. “He likes it.”

  “He’ll be finished around six,” Mitch added.

  Randy wasn’t sure he could wait that long.

  “But he usually has a break after the lunch rush has died down, just in case you don’t want to wait.” Nikko’s eyes sparkled.

  “Are you two sure it’s okay for me to stay with you?” Randy appreciated the offer, but they already had one guest.

  Mitch chuckled. “I’ll admit, I was a little… surprised to come home Wednesday evening and find out we were expecting another guest, but that’s my Nikko. Heart as big as the ocean. However, I heard about his one stipulation, and I’m behind that 100 percent. If Jesse doesn’t want you there, then I’m sorry, Randy, you’ll have to leave. This is just a vacation for you. For him, it’s more a case of getting some semblance of order back in his life.”

  Just a vacation. If only….

  “Your captain was okay about you taking the time away from your job?”

  Randy snorted. “Let’s put it this way. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d offered to pack my bags.” His captain had been very frank. Randy’s performance during the last couple of weeks had concerned him, enough that he’d reached the point of suggesting Randy take some leave. Randy knew he’d been distracted but hadn’t realized to what extent.

  His mind had been occupied with Jesse. And right then, he was praying Jesse would let him stay. Because they needed to sort things out.

  “This is us.” Mitch pulled the car into a parking space in front of a white-painted garage door. Randy got out of the car and gazed at the two-story house, covered in white boards. On the second floor, windows lined the front, their pale brown blinds lowered. A wooden staircase led up to the door. He glanced to his left. One street crossed the avenue, and beyond that, he could see the ocean.