Endings and Beginnings Read online

  “This is….”

  Darren pulled him into a hug. “I know. Believe me. This is something you never thought you’d be doing, and yet here you are, about to step out into the unknown.” He reached down and clasped JJ’s hand in his. “Well, guess what? Me too.” He smiled. “But we’re here, and we’re doing this together. And if at any time you change your mind, or you have a question, or if you just want to take a moment to breathe, then say so. All right?”

  Something in either his words or his voice had gotten through, because JJ breathed more easily. “Okay.” He cleared his throat and straightened.

  Darren squeezed his hand and knocked on the door. When it opened, Thomas was there, glasses perched on his nose.

  “Hello there, you two. Come on in.” He stepped aside to let them enter. “I’ve just made some coffee, if you’d like some.” Thomas glanced down at their joined hands and smiled. “Things are going well, I take it.”

  Darren glanced at JJ, taking in his calm expression before returning his attention to Thomas. “Things are going very well, but we’re here to talk about taking them a stage further.”

  “Excellent.” Thomas indicated the chair facing his desk and crossed the room to drag out another. “Sit down and I’ll pour us some coffee. Then we can have a chat.” He regarded JJ keenly. “You’re looking well, lad. I think a few days off has done you a world of good.”

  JJ took the chair Thomas provided and sat down, Darren joining him.

  “This is the best I’ve felt for a long while, sir. I’ve done a lot of thinking the last few days, and I think I see things much clearer.”

  Thomas went behind his desk and picked up a couple of mugs. “Sometimes that’s all it takes, just taking a few steps back, to help us put our lives into perspective.” He poured out coffee and handed them the mugs before placing a carton of milk in front of them. Once he’d poured another mug, he sat in his wide leather chair and studied them intently. “Okay, I’m assuming you’ve talked about becoming members.”

  Darren nodded.

  “Then let’s start with you, Darren. You still want to train as a Dom?”

  “Yes,” Darren replied, his voice firm.

  JJ reached across, and Darren took hold of his hand, JJ’s fingers cool to the touch.

  “And what about you, JJ? Why are you here?”

  Before JJ could respond, Darren squeezed his hand. “He’s going to be my submissive.”

  Thomas arched his eyebrows. “I see. And JJ has suddenly lost the power of speech, has he?” he remarked dryly. He focused on JJ. “You do have a say in this, you know.” His eyes twinkled with good humor.

  “Right now, I’m here to listen,” JJ said quietly, his gaze trained on Thomas.

  Thomas gave a slow nod. “Which is why we have two ears and one mouth, so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” He turned to Darren. “A wise young man.” He leaned back, sipping his coffee, his attention on Darren. “There are levels to submission, and it’s important that the Dom is aware of the distinction. What are you looking for? Someone who is submissive in the bedroom like Pietro, or someone who is submissive and keeps your home like Peter, or someone who caters to their Master’s every whim like Christian? Each has benefits, but they all share one thing in common. The desire to give themselves to you and expect you to keep them safe.”

  Darren glanced across at JJ, who was drinking his coffee. “I’ll be honest, Thomas. I don’t want a slave. It might work for Christian and Joe, but it’s not really my scene. Having someone who is submissive in the bedroom is a good start, I think, but I would never expect more without the consent of the sub.”

  “A good answer,” Thomas said with a smile of satisfaction. “The submissive has the power in a relationship. With a word he can end a scene, but the Dom has to know how to deal with that—when it happens.” He faced JJ. “You’ve seen the submissives around the club. I know you’ve spoken with them, seen how they act with a Dom or their Master.”

  “Yes, sir.” JJ’s hand grew warm in Darren’s.

  Thomas chuckled. “Relax, lad. I’m just making sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for.”

  Darren felt the tension bleed from JJ, heard the exhalation as he sagged into his chair.

  “Now tell me, lad, are you sure this is what you want? There’s no shame in backing out.”

  JJ stared at Darren, his gray eyes imploring. “Yes, sir,” he said softly. “I want this.”

  “Then what kind of relationship are you looking for?”

  JJ smiled. “I don’t know. I’ve never had a relationship before. I’m not even sure what I’d have to do.”

  “Again, a good, honest answer,” Thomas replied. “No relationship in BDSM can be measured against another. What works for Peter and I wouldn’t work for Joe and Christian. What works for Damian and Jeff couldn’t work for Leo and Alex. And that’s the whole thing about it. A relationship will grow into whatever it’s supposed to be. What you decide today may be different in a week or a month. It should be different.”

  Thomas opened a desk drawer and pulled out a folder, which he handed to Darren. “This is a list of the rules all Doms who train with me must know. This is nonnegotiable. If you aren’t interested in the rules, then we won’t work together. My way is not the only way to learn BDSM. You could find the information you need online—”

  JJ snorted. “I’ve seen everything I need to see online.”

  Thomas frowned. “Okay, I think we need to set something straight. Please tell me where you’ve looked for information on BDSM.”

  A flush to his skin spoke of JJ’s embarrassment, which warmed Darren’s heart. JJ was so different from anyone else he’d ever been with. Warm and receptive, so responsive to his touch, eager to try new things. When he rattled off a few websites, Thomas visibly cringed, then rubbed the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses higher.

  “Please, just stop. Those websites are not an accurate representation of BDSM. They’re porn. You’ve been here almost five months. You’ve seen firsthand the care that goes into a scene, the aftercare the Dom gives his sub. None of this shows up in a video. If you want to see how things are, then give me some time to come up with some websites that are more appropriate.”

  “Wait, I don’t think you understand,” JJ interjected, then looked down at his hands and mumbled something.

  “Speak up, lad,” Thomas snapped. JJ’s gaze shot to his, which brought a smile to Thomas’s face. “When a Dominant asks you a question, you should speak clearly so that you can be heard. Now, please tell me what you said.”

  JJ sucked in a breath. “When I watched the videos, I thought BDSM was something dirty and wrong. The men in the videos didn’t seem to have any respect for one another. It all seemed harsh and painful, and if I’m honest, it scared me. The thought that my… that Curtis could be involved in something like this turned my stomach.” He shuddered. “I came here because I wanted to prove it was BDSM that perverted Curtis, but I found out it was Curtis that twisted BDSM. The night I started working here, Andrew was on the stage with Gareth. They were doing a Shibari demonstration. I… I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing it, but curiosity got the better of me.”

  “And what did you see?” Thomas prompted.

  JJ wrapped his arms around his waist and rocked slightly in the chair. Darren reached out and stroked his arm.

  “It’s okay. We’re not here to judge you. You know that.”

  A quick nod and a flash of a shy smile. “Gareth. He seemed, I don’t know, blissed out. Andrew was binding him, and I could see Gareth’s face. Then Andrew whispered something to him, and Gareth smiled. He just fucking smiled. Andrew kissed him on the temple and carried on with what he had been doing. But it was the expression that stuck with me. He wasn’t afraid. Andrew never hurt him. You could see the love they shared.” He studied his coffee mug. “I’ve seen things here that have created a… longing in me. I watch the scenes, and I find myself wishing I could be in
that position, where someone has that kind of an effect on you, that… control over you—that love for you.” JJ swallowed hard. “I saw all that and I… ached. I hurt deep inside, because at that moment, I realized I didn’t know anything at all.”

  Pushing off the chair, JJ launched himself at Darren, who tugged him onto his lap and wrapped him in a tight embrace, stroking his hair. JJ held on, his head against Darren’s shoulder. JJ’s reaction had been instinctual, and that filled Darren with warmth. He kissed JJ’s head.

  “What you said was perfect. It’s how I felt when I saw Thomas and Peter together. The love was almost painful to see because it was so beautiful. I’d never had a relationship like that. I didn’t know it was possible to have something like that. When I came here, I saw it on a lot of faces, and I knew this was where I belonged. Then Thomas introduced me to someone behind the bar, and my heart told me he was special.”

  JJ slowly lifted his chin and gave Darren a gaze so intense, he shivered. The smile that followed lit up JJ’s face. “Thank you,” he whispered.

  “For what?”

  “Being honest with me. You might not know this, but that’s what pulled me in your direction.”

  “Well, aren’t you easy?” Darren teased.

  Thomas cleared his throat. “Do you think we can carry on, or should I vacate my office for a while? There are lube and condoms in the drawer if you need them.”

  JJ and Darren burst out laughing. JJ made an attempt to move back to his chair, but Darren held him fast. “You stay where you are,” he said quietly. “I like you like this.”

  JJ’s smile could have powered a small town.

  Darren broke off from staring at the beautiful man in his lap to glance at Thomas, who was regarding them with a speculative glance. He stood up and opened the top drawer of his filing cabinet. After withdrawing another folder, he sat down and handed Darren a stapled sheaf of papers.

  “You might also find this interesting. It’s a standard contract that our members sign. Some men have been known to rewrite it to fit their relationship. I did with Peter, for instance. If you do decide to join the club, this would be the first step. Negotiation is a key skill in BDSM, and I ask that members go through the form together—preferably when both of them are dressed.” He smirked.

  Darren laughed. “Yes, I can see why that would be good.” He gazed at the documents in his hand. “So what now?”

  “Now, you both go away and do some reading.” Thomas grinned. “Call it homework. When you’re both happy to continue, come back to see me. But I stress both. This is the time to ask questions of each other, see where your interests overlap, decide if this is really what you want.” He rose to his feet. “And now I need to take a look around the club. We’ve all been a bit jittery since that episode with the reporter.”

  JJ sat up straight. “What reporter?”

  Thomas scraped his fingers through his short hair. “Damn. I knew there was something I meant to tell you. A reporter came here the other night, trying to get information out of Peter, about Curtis. He didn’t get very far, but we’re warning our members to be on the lookout. There’s a photo of him somewhere.”

  The tension in JJ’s body was evident. Darren stroked down his spine, keeping the motion slow and gentle. “He won’t know about you, sweetheart.” The endearment slipped out of him, as natural as breathing. “But it’s best to be prepared.”

  JJ nodded and slid off Darren’s lap. “Let’s go do some homework,” he said with a half smile Darren knew to be fake.

  Darren gave him a quick hug. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered. “As if the guys here would let him anywhere near you.”

  JJ’s returning smile was more genuine. “Yeah, you’re right. Come on. I want to see these rules.”

  Darren was definitely curious about them too. They followed Thomas from the office, and Darren led JJ to the bar. He headed for a table tucked away in the corner. “Do you want anything to drink?” Darren asked him.

  JJ shook his head and patted the chair next to him. “Let’s see these rules I’ve heard so much about.”

  Darren chuckled and sat down, placing the document between them. “Patience is a virtue, remember?” He gazed at the top sheet.

  JJ let out a long, drawn-out sigh. “I think I’m going to like these.” He pointed to the first rule. “Any set of rules that begins with this one is okay in my book.”

  Darren followed JJ’s finger.

  Respect is key to any D/s style relationship, as well as trust from both sides.

  He smiled. “Yes, I can see why that would appeal to you.” He scanned the list, and rule number five caught his eye. A Dom/Master should love their submissive/slave unconditionally. The words had his heartbeat racing, and the one thought to cross his mind surprised him. I could love JJ.

  “At least we’re doing things in the right order,” JJ said with a smile, pointing to another rule. Darren pushed aside his reflections and peered at it.

  A relationship must form before a D/s relationship can form.

  Darren met JJ’s gaze. “Yes,” he agreed. “We are.”

  They sat in silence, both reading intently. When they got to the final page, JJ sighed.

  “Yes.” He pointed to one of the final rules.

  Do not lie to your submissive.

  JJ regarded Darren with shining eyes. “I really like these rules.”

  “Me too.” If these were an indication of how Thomas expected all Doms to behave, Darren was in. He tapped the folder containing the contract. “Do you want to go home and talk about this?”

  JJ grinned. “Why? Will you say anything different there as opposed to here?”

  Darren snickered. “Well, no, but at least when we’re home we can talk when we’re both naked.”

  JJ whacked him on the arm. “You have a one-track mind.”

  Darren rubbed his upper arm. “We do this, and you will not be hitting me at the club. Is that clear?” He spoke slowly and deliberately, hoping JJ had his usual reaction to his voice.

  Apparently it worked. JJ flushed and shifted uncomfortably on his chair. “Okay.” He bit his lip. “Seriously, though? This is big, Darren. I want us to do it right. I think we should go home and read through the contract, see where we both stand.”

  Darren wasn’t about to waste time. He rose to his feet and held out a hand to JJ. “Then let’s go.”

  He wanted to see where the evening took them.

  Chapter Seventeen

  JJ WAS buzzing inside. He was sitting next to Darren on the couch, leaning against him, ready to peruse the contract. Just the thought of what he might see in it had JJ’s skin tingling and butterflies rampaging through his stomach.

  Darren handed him a glass of orange juice from the coffee table. “Ready?”

  “You’ve already asked me that, and I said yes, so come on, open the bloody thing.”

  JJ bounced on the seat cushion, almost spilling his juice. When Darren arched his eyebrows, JJ growled.

  “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you? You just like torturing me.” He tapped the contract. “Is torturing a submissive in there, hmm?” he asked jokingly.

  Darren’s wicked grin sent a shiver down his spine. “Let’s take a look, shall we?” He opened the contract and placed it on his lap where JJ could see it.

  “Roles,” JJ said with a frown. “Well, we already know that part. Me sub, you Dom.” Then the breath caught in his throat. “Wait a sec—type of scene?” He scanned the list, his mind in a whirl.

  Master/slave. Captive servant/butler. Cross dressing/gender play.

  JJ stared at Darren. “Does this mean we get to act out stuff?”

  Darren shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. I’m seeing this for the first time too.” He gazed at the sheet. “It asks some interesting questions, though. ‘Will the submissive promptly obey? May the Dominant “overpower” or “force” the submissive? May the submissive verbally resist? May the submissive physically resist? May the submissi
ve try to “turn the tables”?’”

  JJ couldn’t help it. In his head he was already conjuring up scenarios. For some reason, the thought of doing role play was a huge turn-on.

  “Oh, you really like that idea, don’t you?”

  JJ coughed and tried to adjust his stiffening dick. “What’s next?”

  Darren laughed. “We are so coming back to this, just so you know.” He peered at the sheet and read aloud, “Limits.” He drew in a deep breath. “Wow. This is certainly thorough. It goes through any known medical conditions for both participants, who to notify in case of an emergency—”

  “What?” JJ was horrified to hear that come out as a squeak.

  Darren patted his thigh. “We’re not going to have any emergencies, all right? And in case you’re interested, I’m certified in first aid and CPR. I have to be because of the salon. Not that I’m going to need any of that, but it’s useful to know.”

  JJ inhaled, forcing air into his lungs and calm into his body. “Well, I have no medical conditions, so that’s easy. What’s next?”

  Darren waggled his eyebrows. “Sex.”

  Damn. He’d only just got his erection under control too. It reminded him of a question he’d been meaning to ask since Darren had first raised the idea of joining the club. “I know there are some Doms who don’t have sex with submissives. They turn up to do scenes, usually involving whips or something like that, and when they finish, that’s it.” He met Darren’s gaze. “Will… will that be you?” He mentally crossed his fingers.

  Darren snorted. “God, no. We’re going to be having sex. Lots of sex. In fact, I may have to buy you a comfortable pillow to sit on. That’s how much sex we’re going to be having.” He waited a moment and then regarded JJ with wide eyes. “Why? Wasn’t that what you had in mind?” He was obviously biting back a smile.

  JJ wasn’t about to let it go. “What about at the club? Will you want us to have sex in front of others?” His heart pounded.

  Darren studied him so carefully, it set JJ’s heart racing even more.