Dom of Ages Read online

  His cheeks were streaked with tears when he croaked out, “You couldn’t understand. No one could.”

  I placed my hand on his shoulder, letting my fingers rub gently, trying to help him see he wasn’t alone. “You’re scared, and I understand that. I was too, when you called. I thought you were going to die, and I’d never have the chance to tell you what’s been on my mind.”

  “What’s that?” he whispered, his blue eyes wide.

  “When you came into my life, I pictured you taking care of me. That was all that I had in my head at the time. Then as we grew closer, I realized how unfair I was being to you. I started paying attention to your needs, like I should have from the start, and you know what? I finally felt complete.

  “I can’t go back to the house without knowing you’re okay, because a part of you is in that house, and it’s a big part. That’s your—no, that’s our home. And I need you there, because….”

  I stopped and sucked in a deep breath. I would lay it all out for him. Tell him what I’d wanted to for weeks now. Once I did, if he rejected me, I would be devastated, but I would not let him go. He needed me now, every bit as much as I needed him. I had to make him see that.

  I stepped closer to the bed and stroked a hand over his cheek. Bending down, I gave him a soft kiss on the lips, then whispered in his ear. “I love you, Jarod. I have for the longest while but wasn’t sure how to tell you. When I thought I’d lost my chance, it was what I regretted most. You need to come home with me. We’ll get through this together, like we will everything else that we come up against. I can’t do it without you, pet. Please tell me you understand.”

  My heart was pounding, my mouth dry, as I awaited his response.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Jarod

  I LAY there, not saying anything. How could I? There was so much going on in my head, and I was tired. A part of me was relieved when Eli stood up and walked away from the bed, until he stopped by the door. I held myself so still, wondering what was coming.

  “I’m going to be in the relatives’ room, pet. I’m not leaving, and if you need me, they’ll come get me. For the time being, you need your rest. And I meant what I said. I do love you.”

  The door closed, and I was alone with my thoughts. One thing I knew for certain was that Eli didn’t lie. If he said he loved me, then it had to be the honest truth, but what did that mean to me? It didn’t change our situation. I could have died and left him alone, like Phillip did me. Would he have gotten through it? Would it have destroyed his life? I couldn’t do that to the man. It wasn’t fair to him. Thoughts like these chased me down into a disturbed sleep.

  I awoke to warmth surrounding me. I assessed my physical state. I was feeling better but fatigued and weak. Then the warmth shifted a little. I adjusted my head on the pillow, glanced around and saw my room was filled to the brim: Peter, Alex, Pietro, Gareth, Dorian. They were standing around my bed, their faces anxious. The only one missing was….

  A snort in my ear had me looking the other way. Somehow Scott had crawled into my bed and was lying with his arms around me. I opened my mouth, but Alex leaned forward and whispered in my ear.

  “Can he stay just a little longer? He cried so hard when he saw you, we were afraid something was going to happen to him. He kept murmuring it was his fault, because he made you dance.”

  Oh. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Bless the boy.

  “When Eli told him he could climb in as long as he was careful, he moved slowly and gently, wrapping himself around you. He cried himself to sleep.” Alex gazed at his friend, his pale blue eyes glistening. “We’re so sorry about the dance. If we’d known—”

  “Wasn’t you,” I croaked, my voice hoarse with emotion.

  Alex smiled. “We know. Master Eli explained it, but Scott took it hard. He’s always been the most emotional of all of us, and couldn’t accept it. He was sure he’d almost killed you.”

  “I did.” Scott stirred against me, his voice subdued. He started to extract himself from around me.

  I put out my hand and held him there. “No, you didn’t. I had a small clot. The doctor said it could have been anything that triggered it.” I twisted in my bed until I could see his face. “I promise it wasn’t anything to do with you.”

  “We wanted to stop by before,” Alex explained, “but we were told we needed to wait until you were up for visitors. Eli called Ben a while ago and asked if we could come down. We didn’t know you were going to sleep through the whole visit, though.” Alex chuckled. “That nurse out there, the one who gave us a dirty look? She just stuck her head around the door and said we have to go soon.”

  I had to wonder what they’d done to get such a reaction.

  Peter smiled. “Scott was a little… voluble, shall we say, when we arrived. And I think the number of us was probably more than she’s used to.”

  That figured. Then a thought struck me. “How did she react to seeing Scott in the bed with me?” I couldn’t see a nurse being happy with that.

  Scott huffed. “I swear, if looks could kill… I think the only reason she didn’t yell is because it would have woken you up.” He stared at me. “I wasn’t doing any harm. It’s not like you’re all hooked up to machines, or something.”

  “That’s right.” He seemed to need reassurance. Then I laughed. “With the age of all of you, she probably thought you were my kids.” It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility, I supposed.

  That made Scott chuckle. Then his eyes widened. “Oh God. Yeah. Now I’m kinda getting how it must’ve looked to her.” The others laughed quietly, and he glanced at them with rosy cheeks. “Oh hush, you guys.”

  “Do you all have to go?” I asked. It seemed wrong that I wasn’t able to spend time with them.

  “Yeah, sorry.” Alex squeezed my hand. “Pietro’s borrowed Miles’s car, and he needs it. We’ll come back again, unless they send you home.” He grinned. “In which case we’ll invade your house.”

  I had to smile at the thought of Eli finding his house full of subs. Then it struck me. Who was to say I’d be there anyway? Not that I could tell them that.

  “Ben’s coming to get me later. I’m going to stay with Jarod for a while, okay?” Scott told the others. He gave me a hasty glance. “If that’s okay with you.” I nodded, and Scott took up his position again, curled tight against my side. The others said their good-byes, giving me hugs and pecks to the cheek, and then Scott and I were alone.

  We lay in silence while I waited for him to speak, but it felt comfortable.

  “I was so afraid,” he whispered finally. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

  I could hear it in his voice. “I’m sorry you were frightened.”

  Scott gave a shrug. “It’s silly, I know. I’m nineteen now, but this is the only family I’ve ever known. My own parents didn’t want me. They won’t even come to the wedding, Ben said. Told him they don’t have a son.”

  “Oh, sweetheart.” The endearment seemed just right. I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to hurt Scott. He was sweet. There was a vulnerability about him that wasn’t present in the others, even Peter.

  His voice was quiet when he spoke again. “I expected it to hurt more than it did, but Ben pulled me into his arms and sat there with me the whole evening. My parents never did that. I was never consoled for being hurt or being sick. I realized how much of an inconvenience I was to them.”

  Like I would be to Eli, I thought ruefully.

  “Then when Ben got hurt and sent me away, it was like I lost everything. I’d begun to fit in here, I was in love, I had friends, and he took it away without even talking to me, because he thought he was doing what was right.” Scott’s eyes misted over. “Maybe he was. I don’t know. What I am totally certain of, though, is that he came back for me. Not because he needed me to take care of him, but because he loved me, and was miserable without me. The day I heard him calling my name, standing in their house, I knew that he was there to bring me home.”
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  The raw emotion in his voice tightened my throat, and I put my arm around him, holding him against me.

  A sigh rolled out of him. “I got my family back, and they surrounded me with love. I know I’m needy, but I can’t help it. Every bit of love they show me reminds me I’m worthy of it. And then I met you.”

  I was intrigued to hear what was coming.

  “You came into our lives, and you didn’t even hesitate to give love. You hugged freely; you invited us to your home and helped Peter do something for Thomas. You’re more than our friend, Jarod. You’re like… well, like a surrogate father to some of us.”

  “Old enough to be your grandfather,” I groaned.

  Scott chuckled. “Well, not quite. But you know what? I never had one, and I liked doing things with you. We all did. That night we spent at your house? It was one of the loveliest memories I have. Do you know how many sleepovers I had as a kid? None. I had no friends, wasn’t allowed outside because I’d embarrass my parents with my lack of social skills, athletic prowess, or whatever their excuse of the day was.”

  Some people didn’t deserve children.

  “But you? You stepped in and worried that we wouldn’t like you.” He snuggled closer. “I’ll let you in on a secret. We thought you weren’t going to want anything to do with us. In fact, we were certain you’d look down your nose at the children. You didn’t, though. You came right in and showed what a wonderful man you are. The man we all came to love.”

  There was that word again. Love.

  “There’s a man out here looking for his fiancé.”

  I hadn’t even heard Eli enter the room. He stood beside the bed, gazing down at the pair of us, his eyes warm.

  “Oops.” Scott wriggled out of the bed, just as Ben came into the room and walked over to us. He nodded toward me.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Better, thank you. The doctor says I can be out of here in a day or so.” My chest tightened, and for a brief moment I panicked. Then it eased, and I realized it had been a reaction to the thought of leaving. Where would I be going?

  The sound of a shrill bell cut through the quiet room. Ben sighed. “That’s the end of visiting, I guess.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “You make sure Eli takes care of you, and I’ll see you soon.”

  Before I could respond, Scott lunged forward to give me a warm hug. “And I’ll see you soon too. Count on it,” he whispered into my ear. He stepped back, and the couple exited the room.

  Eli regarded me for a moment. I still wasn’t sure what to say to him. He’d been so honest with me, and yet my thoughts were in turmoil.

  “I sent Maggie home,” he said at last. “She needs to spend a night in her own bed. She’ll be back tomorrow. The nurse told me I have to leave you alone while the doc does his rounds, so I’ll be back in a bit.” He paused, and I was sure there was more to come, but then he turned and walked out of the room.

  Part of me was relieved, because I had some thinking to do, and I needed a clear head.

  Eli

  I CLOSED the door to the relatives’ room and fished my phone out of my jeans pocket. I scrolled through my history and called Will, who’d been the last call. He’d been great, explaining what was going on, confirming what the doctor had said about Jarod’s mental state right then.

  But at that moment, I needed some advice.

  “Hey, I was just about to text you.”

  I settled back into the armchair. “Oh?”

  “I figured they’d be getting ready to discharge Jarod pretty soon. How’s he doing?”

  I sighed. “Physically they’re pleased with his progress.” I hesitated for a moment before continuing. “He’s still not talking much, Will.”

  “There’s probably a lot going on inside his head. You need to remember, after a heart attack, it’s common to have negative feelings. He’s dealing with fear, depression, denial, anxiety…. And these things don’t disappear overnight. They can last from two to six months after the attack. You given any more thought to finding him a counselor?”

  “Thomas gave me a recommendation, but I haven’t called her yet.” I’d wanted to discuss it first with Jarod, but that was looking less likely. I’d really thought laying my feelings out there, telling him how I felt about him, would have prompted some response. Heaven knew, I didn’t expect an automatic, “I love you too,” but some indication that he had feelings for me would have been good. Anything would have been better than this silence.

  “Eli? What is it?”

  I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I had to share with someone what was turning me inside out, upside down. “I love him, Will.”

  There was a silence, followed by a slow expulsion of breath. “Wow.”

  “Well, it would be wow if I knew how he felt.” I poured it all out—Jarod’s legal decisions, my reaction, my declaration, his reaction, all of it. “So any minute now they’re going to discharge him, and I haven’t a clue what to do. Will he be stubborn and refuse to come home with me?”

  “I can’t answer that one for you. But let’s be positive. Let’s assume Jarod is coming home with you. There are going to have to be changes.”

  I’d already begun thinking about those. “My boss has told me I can take as much time as I need.”

  “Okay, this is tricky. Jarod won’t need looking after, in that he won’t be bedridden. But you’ll want to spend more time with him, just because of the nature of your relationship. This might require a rethink about your job.”

  The thought had crossed my mind too.

  “He’ll be on meds, probably beta-blockers. But apart from the medication, there are things you can be doing to improve his chances of not having another attack. You do know, if he’s had one, it’s likely he could have another, right?”

  “Oh yes. Already had this conversation with his doctor.”

  “Okay. From what you’ve said, it sounds like he eats sensibly. I think the key for Jarod is going to be physical activity. Some people are afraid to exercise after a heart attack, and yet that’s exactly what they need to be doing. It strengthens the heart and reduces your risk of future heart attacks.” He sighed. “I see this time and time again. I tell my patients, a heart attack is not a sign that you should back away from life. It’s a sign that health—physical and mental—should be your priority. These are lifesaving changes we’re talking about.”

  “Jarod doesn’t exactly lead a sedentary life,” I interjected. “How much exercise are we talking about?”

  “Regular exercise needs to be three to five times a week, maybe thirty minutes each time. But yes, the more active Jarod is in his everyday live, the stronger and healthier he’ll become.”

  I had an idea. “Would jogging be considered too much?”

  “If we’re talking marathon preparation, then yes,” Will joked. “But a light jog, a few times a week…. He needs to do a stress test for his doctor. They’ll soon tell him what level of exercise he should be considering.” He paused. “Has your doctor mentioned sex yet?”

  “Not yet, no.” And I wasn’t surprised Jarod hadn’t brought it up. I imagined it wasn’t high on his list of priorities right then.

  “It’s important to remember that those negative feelings I mentioned often lead to a loss of sexual interest. Sex now seems a scary proposition. Patients often feel sexual activity will provoke another heart attack. But sex is another form of exercise. If he’s cleared for physical activity, then he’s cleared for sex too.”

  “Good to know. Thanks, Will.”

  “Hey, anytime. You ever need to talk, you know where I am, okay?”

  I thanked him again and disconnected, feeling more confident. It felt good to have answers at my fingertips.

  Now all I have to do is find out what’s going on in Jarod’s head.

  Jarod

  “I’VE MADE up my mind. I’m not going back to your house.” It was the third time I’d said it, and Eli still wasn’t listening. The doctors had said I could g
o home the next day.

  That was the beginning of a high-level discussion.

  “You still haven’t given me a reason why. A good enough reason,” he added quickly.

  “We can’t continue as we were. I won’t put you through that.” Just thinking about it made my heart ache.

  Eli rose to his feet and walked over to the bed. He gripped the rail at the head of the bed and stared at me. “Put me through what, pet?” When I remained silent, he groaned. “Oh, for God’s sake, Jarod, just say it. Whatever it is that’s on your mind, let it out.” His gaze locked on mine. “Please, pet.”

  I stared into those green eyes that I loved and took a deep breath.

  “I’m going to die first. You’ll be alone like I was. I told Peter it didn’t matter as long as you surrounded yourself with friends, but it does matter.” I was shaking when I finished. I’d said it.

  Eli became so very still. Then to my surprise, he smiled. “Is that it? That’s what’s been plaguing you?”

  I nodded, still stunned by that smile.

  Eli sat on the edge of the bed and took both my hands in his. I stared at them, our fingers laced together.

  “Look at me, pet.”

  I raised my chin and looked into his eyes that regarded me with such intensity, it sent a shiver down my back.

  “I want you to listen, because this is important. Do you remember when Jerry had the accident? I was supposed to be in that truck. Would it still have happened if I had been driving it? Who knows? He drives a little faster than me, so maybe I wouldn’t have been in the same spot. Maybe I’d have gotten there a bit later and found myself in it.” He squeezed my hands. “There are no guarantees in life, you know. I could be here smiling at you one minute, and walk out to the car and get hit by a bus the next. But the only way to avoid that is to cut ourselves off from everyone. To be lonely all the time.”